Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Football Thankfuls 2010 Edition

Hello sportsfans! It is that time of year again. The time for turkey, family, turkey, booze, turkey, and passing out on the couch. That's right, Thanksgiving is a mere one day away from now. With that said, it is time for my yearly "What I am thankful for in regards to football" edition of the blog.

-Firstly, I am thankful that Mike Leach is suing ESPN for the horrible shit that they did to him during the coverage of his firing last season. Nevermind that the firing was motivated by Texas Tech not wanting to pay the 800k bonus he would have been owed the next day. But the fact that they gave so much airtime to the father of the player in question (who just so happens to be one of their worst football commentators), and let him talk about the case, is horrible. I'm all for anything that reminds "The Worldwide Leader" that they are mortal, and they can't just get away with whatever they want. Hopefully, Leach either wins or this gets settled out of court. And with any luck, they will quietly be letting Craig James go.

-I am thankful that, given the way this season is going to end, we are going to be stuck with the BCS for life. Consider that right now, the last ditch effort (an anti-trust lawsuit) is being brought against the BCS. The grounds for this being that non-AQ teams never get to play for the title. Now, consider that either TCU or BSU is going to play for the title this year (it's going to happen, because I don't see Auburn either beating Alabama or going unpunished for having Cam Newton on their team). Whoops, there goes THE ENTIRE FREAKING CASE AGAINST THE BCS. This is the equivalent of claiming that someone won't let you borrow their shirt while you are wearing the shirt.

Am I happy that we are going to be stuck with the BCS? Ehhh, I'm fairly ambivalent. I don't hate it with the tenacity that most people seem to. I mean, I enjoy the idea of a playoff, but I also enjoy the 30+ bowl games. More football = better. Less football = worse.

-I am thankful that the WAC is dying. While this is not good for my Idaho Vandals, it is good in that it puts Karl Benson out of a job. Trust me, when it comes time to write the Ultimate Book of College Football History, Karl Benson is going to be named as the worst conference commish of all time.

Favoring one team above all others? Check. See his comments from last season re: Boise State: "I think that deep down, every team in the WAC wants BSU to go undefeated." No Karl, traditionally teams like for themselves to go undefeated. This applies to the Utah States of the world as much as the Big Boys. Also my guess for his next favorite team assuming somehow the WAC survives the next three years? San Jose State. At least they have a warm climate. Nevermind the fact that they might drop football, as logic clearly has no place in Benson's mind.

Talks like he has no clue what he is doing? Check.


Incapable of convincing bottom level teams in other conferences to join his? Check.

Soon to be unemployed? Check.

-Not football related, but I am thankful that Gran Turismo 5 is currently in my PS3. I have been waiting three years for my sweet, sweet Car Pornography. Seriously, this is my most favoritest series of games ever. The only issue being that doing some of the 24 hour endurance races is no longer possible due to being an adult. Stupid responsibility. At least I can console myself by trying to purchase and race all 1000+ cars.

-Also not football related, but I'm glad that LeBron doesn't have an offensive rebound in 11 of his last 14 games. This makes my NBA finals prediction of Celtics over Lakers in 6 more likely (this switches to Lakers over Celtics if Gasol stays this hot the entire season, which with the energy he saves by not fucking shaving, he can do). Seriously, has any team ever been truly great with 3 stars who are fed by ego and no role players? Even Jordan had Pippen.

-I am thankful that Texas is bad this year. Mack Brown is the worst.

-I am thankful that I am becoming more of a basketball fan. Not more than football, just more in general.

-Finally, I'm thankful for you, my loyal tens and tens of readers. You keep this blog alive.

Well, that's all for this week, as I have to go win some races to get the cash to buy a 1988 Toyota Corolla. AFN out!

Friday, November 12, 2010

Wherein I talk about Cam Newton

Hello sportsfans! I'd like to talk semi-seriously about the Cam Newton situation today. I know, I know, you mostly come for the fart and weiner jokes. Well, I'll see what I can do, but I am not a miracle worker.

So, Cam Newton may have asked for money from Mississippi State before ending up at Auburn. This is in a direct violation of NCAA rules, where only the people who are not performing the work are the ones who can be paid.

Do we know, for sure, that he did it at this point? No. In fact, our only evidence is a former player who works as an agent. A former Mississippi State player. GEE, THAT ISN'T SUSPICIOUS IN THE SLIGHTEST.

But what is really grinding my gears is the Heisman debate. There are a couple of facts that should be stated at this point:

FACT: The Heisman Trophy (ostensibly) goes to the best player in any given year.
FACT: Cam Newton is the best player in college football this year.
FACT: At this point, Cam Newton should win the Heisman easily.
FACT: Innocent until proven guilty is the standard in America.

And yet, you have (sorry mother, in this one I'm cursing) absolute dipshits like Pat Forde. See, Mr. 40 said that having just been through the Reggie Bush debacle, he has a sour taste in his mouth. Since he feels his vote didn't count, he is reluctant to vote for Newton because he wants his vote to count. And his vote wouldn't count if Newton wins and then later is stripped of the award.

This is not something that is unusual in America. For example, living in Idaho and voting for a Democrat for President means in a very real way that your vote did not count. I'm not referring to some nebulous election fraud of some sort. But due to the way we elect our President unless you vote for the same candidate as 50.1% of the people in your state, guess what? Your vote means the same as a fart in the wind.

Now, obviously, there is a difference between President and Heisman winner. For example, the Heisman winner can make a difference in my life personally (fantasy football, where if you are reading Bryan I am sorry for beating you this past week). The point I am trying to make here is that our vote not counting for something is not a unique situation. And if something so fucking petty as "MY VOTE DIDN'T COUNT IN THIS COLLEGE FOOTBALL AWARD THAT LITERALLY MEANS THE PERSON IN QUESTION GETS A TROPHY AND NOTHING ELSE" (Hi there Matt Leinart) make you do the wrong thing? Well, let's just go ahead and add that to the list of things that make Ford-E (which i believe was the codename for the Edsel) a shitty sportswriter. Nevermind the fact that it isn't going to say somewhere down the line in a golden history book "Pat Forde cast the deciding vote that gave ______________________ the Heisman."

"But Angry," you ask, with a slack look on your face and your eyes glazed over, "Why do you care? After all, you yourself just said the Heisman doesn't really mean anything. Doesn't that make you a hypocrite?"

Well, here's where my beef with not voting for Newton because you want your vote to count historically. Again, the Heisman is the award for the best player in college football. By not voting for the best player in college football, you are doing the wrong thing. The absolute, flat out, zero-sum wrong fucking thing.

Who am I to complain about doing the wrong thing? Well, I'm certainly no saint, but I can share this anecdote. In high school, I was in a situation where telling what would barely qualify as a lie in regards to drinking, where I had taken literally one tiny sip of Vodka&Gatorade, would have gotten me in absolutely zero trouble. I'm talking none, whatsoever.

What did 17 year old me do? Admitted that I had taken one sip (I got just enough to realize it was disgusting and stopped) and got suspended for 5 days. So again, while I'm not perfect, I do know a little something about doing the right thing when in the long run it doesn't matter.

DO the right thing, 40 Ounces of Dumb. Unless evidence comes to light immediately and he is declared ineligible, Newton should win the 2010 Heisman.