Sunday, April 26, 2009

Bonus Draft Coverage!!!*

Well, seeing as how the Boise media/internet is in an uproar over Johnson and Childs not getting drafted, I thought I might add a comment.

You're an idiot.

Yes, you, person complaining that people from other WAC schools got drafted. You are a full on moron. I wonder how you are capable of getting dressed in the morning. I wonder how you have managed to not poke an eye out with your toothbrush. I wonder how you manage to stop your car at a red light. I wonder how you haven't been fired yet. Basically, I wonder how you have managed to somehow, despite all odds being against you, actually survive long enough to pen a semi-coherent response on the internerd about your beloved former Broncos getting "ignored" in the draft, while players from other WAC schools got picked up throughout the weekend. Since I am, by nature, altruistic, I cam going to explain this for you. Were we in person, I would use exaggerated hand gestures and speak loudly, but since this is text only, my explanation will have to do.

Let's begin with a quiz:
You are in charge of picking players for your NFL team in the draft. Your team has desperate needs at the LB and S positions. It is currently your last pick. Who do you select?
A) A LB or S
B) Ian Johnson
C) Jeremy Childs
D) Sacrifice your first, second, and third round picks in next years draft to get B and C

Chances are, you idiots who are complaining picked something other than A. Now, I know this is a difficult concept for you to grasp, but A was actually the correct answer! As it turns out, teams tend to pick what they need, and not players who are more famous for their off the field actions**.

Johnson is going to the Vikings to sit behind Adrian Peterson for a while (and please, don't degrade yourself by making a Fiesta Bowl comment here, as anybody with two brain cells to rub together is going to start the Peterson over Johnson). Childs is going to the Chargers where I am guessing he will be cut before the season starts. Be happy they are getting the chance at all. Most football players don't.

*This isn't directed at anybody reading this more than likely. Just at the reaction on the site and Those two websites are where brain cells go to die.

**Like it or not, Ian Johnson will always be mentioned as the guy who proposed after winning the Fiesta Bowl. That's the downside of doing something memorable- you get remembered for it.

Draft Wrap-UP

Hello to my tens of readers, and welcome to this special Draft edition of the AngryFootballNerd. I don't normally cover the NFL (it tends to be less exciting than College), but figured I would make an exception for the draft, what with it involving college players. Not a ton to discuss, just some stupidity and hilarity on the parts of some of the teams and the hopeful draftees. So, let's get underway!

-To the surprise of possible the blind and deaf, the Lions took Georgia QB Mark Stafford with the number 1 pick in the draft. Now, normally, you would think that being drafted by a team that just lost every single game last season would not be cause to smile. However, the Lions offered Stafford 75 millionish good reasons to keep a grin on his pasty mug. And so begins the greatest rebuilding project in sports history.

-Mark Sanchez was aquired by the Jets, accounting for 33.33333333333...% of their draft picks (seriously, they drafted three players). I was personally hoping he would go to the Seahwaks, so that I could still follow his career (I'll be damned if I'm going to look up NFL news online). Thankfully, he's following Brett Favre, so it isn't like the expectations are too high for him to reach. Seriously Favre, why did you un-retire?

-My childhood favorite 49ers lucked out when the Raiders took Darrius Hayward-Beys from Maryland over Crabtree. Firstly, to the Niners I say that you should probably send a gift to Al Davis, since he sent you the perfect present. To Davis I say only "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" I saw Hayward-Beys play in the Humanitarian Bowl (and had the pleasure of breifly meeting his mother), and he is a good player. But your 40 time isn't everything. Of course, only time will tell who got the better end of this deal. Right now, it looks like the 49ers...

-Pushing aside the travesty that is Rey Malualuga getting pushed to the second round, let's move on to the later rounds. Specifically, round 7, where Idaho's Eddie WIlliams was drafted. Now, this isn't a huge deal, except for one thing. Local "surefire" draft picks Ian Johnson and Jeremy Childs were not drafted. In Johnson's defense, he never made any comments that make him deserving of my ire. Hell, I was even kind of hoping that he would get picked up (which he probably will). But Childs is a Class A (Class Less?) Douchebag.

Hint to Jeremy: You said that it would be "the best thing for my daughter and my girlfriend if I enter the draft now" (paraphrasing). Who told you that you would be getting drafted? Or did you just mispronounce "Jeremy Childs" when you said daughter and girlfriend?

This is a guy who has been in academic trouble, and hasn't exactly set the recieving world on fire in a conference controlled entirely by his team. He will be lucky to be on an NFL team, come the start of the season.

Well, that wraps this up. Sadly, we need to part ways until the start of the season. So, unless something big happens between now and then (JoePa blowing a servo and needing to go into the shop, Pete Carroll miraculously ascending into the heavens, the Idaho Statesman NOT sucking off every move that BSU football makes), it's goodbye.

Don't forget, if you feel the need to tell me how much I rock/suck, I can be reached at