Wednesday, November 9, 2011

On Penn State and Joe Paterno

I am the AngryFootballNerd, and today, I am truly living up to the first adjective in my name.

I will not rehash the grim details of the situation at Penn State in detail. Former defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky raped at least 1 boy (under 14) in the Penn State locker room (he is accused of molestation of many more). It was witnessed, reported to JoePa, who passed it along the line. Sandusky was reprimanded. While still keeping an office on the campus of Penn State until 2008.

And then silence.


Can you imagine? Can you imagine the very literal HELL that these victims have been living in? Hell at the hands of their abuser, who is certainly the worst that humanity has to offer. Hell at the hands of a school that did little to protect them. Hell at the hands of a coaching legend, who did the legally required minimum and then washed his hands of it.

People are defending Joe Paterno in this case. A reporter at the news conference just blasted the Penn State board of trustees. "How dare you? Did you even consider letting him finish his career with the dignity he deserves, you (shouting over takes him at this point)".

Dignity? DIGNITY?

What about the dignity of the victims of these horrible crimes? Or do they not deserve any, since they haven't coached more games than anybody?

"Maybe we should get a new board!"

Maybe you should be a GOD DAMNED HUMAN BEING YOU FUCK.

"Campus is gonna burn tonight!" I hope it starts with you, Mr. Rape of CHILDREN is ok as long as FOOTBALL.

There are more important things than football. It is a game. It is a fucking game. I love it when my teams win. Few things bring me greater joy than a team I support triumphing in a well-played, hard-fought game of football.

I would trade every win, past present and future, for no child to EVER go through this torture again. I would trade it all if it could somehow prevent ONE child from this.

The students are currently rioting in State College, PA. To them, to EVERYBODY defending the man who enabled this to happen, I ask "What if it was one of your family members? What if you had to watch your brother, cousin, or son go through the worst shit, only to have everyone involved in the end shrug their shoulders and say 'oh well'?"

"But Angry, he reported it! What more could he do? He did all he was required!"

Yes, he did all he was required to by law. By morality? By human decency? Fuck no he didn't do it all.

A man with that much power, who basically could do whatever he wanted on that campus... He told his superior, and he never mentioned it again. With a word from him, Penn State would have moved Heaven and Earth to stop it immediately. Would it take away the hurt the victims already had? Of course not. Could it have prevented these grevious wounds from festering for years? Perhaps.

Was SITTING ON HIS FUCKING ASS the right thing to do? If I have to answer this for you.....

As an adult... No, that isn't enough.

As a human fucking being, it is your job to report suspected abuse, much less known abuse LIKE THIS FUCKING CASE WAS. Do not let it die. Do not say "Well, I told someone, I've done all I can." Do not say "S/He's a friend of mine, the witness is wrong," or "But S/He works with me/goes to church with me/carpools/gets drunk with/DOES ANYTHING IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER you report that.

And after you have reported: You follow up. You call the police. You call the Chief of Police. You call the Mayor, the comptroller, the fucking Governor, congress, the Supreme Court. You call the damned President of the United States of America if you have. BUT YOU DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO HELP THAT CHILD. You do NOT, EVER sit there and fucking say "I've done what is required."

It doesn't matter if it is a single mother who has had the shittiest week of her life. It doesn't matter if it happened just one time never again I promise. It doesn't matter if it is your best friend since first grade. It doesn't matter if it is a football coach who was a week ago a living legend.

Do everything in your power to help children in this situation. Do not just do "what is required." Do everything. No child deserves this.

My name is the AngryFootballNerd. I used to be a Penn State fan.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Back from the Dead, it's NCAA Week 2 2011 News and Notes

Hello sportsfans! Welcome back to what is sure to be not a half-assed season of NCAA news, notes, views, and bad language.

Sorry for the unexplained absence at the end of last year, but I had several real life obligations that sadly kept me from bitching on the internet about football nearly as much as I would have liked. Well, to make up for it, have some WORDS!

-So, Wisconsin is probably the most physical team I have ever seen. If they can manage to avoid dropping any of their fairly easy games, this team could play for the title. Certainly, they are the only ones who can prevent themselves from winning the Big Ten.

-Iowa State beat Iowa in a 3OT thriller in Ames for the first time since 2007. 2007's game was notable for being won on the strength of ISU's kicker, as they scored 5 FGs and nothing else to win. I am fairly sure that a team with the quarterback named STEELE JANTZ is going to win the majority of the time, because with a name that Amurican, there is simply no way to lose. Move aside, Ricky Stanzi.

Notable about this game was that the new Cy-Hawk trophy (the previous one that caused the controversy being that abortion of a trophy at the top right of this update) was immediately broken into two pieces. I am being told that it is an interim trophy while the corngrowers of Iowa meet to decide on a new, hopefully football related one. Godspeed, men.

-Idaho managed to play 1 half of competent football, giving hope that maybe, just maybe, when they play top ten ranked Texas A&M next weekend, they can avoid any critical injuries. Winning that game.... no. Just no.

-USCEast beat Georgia in a thriller. It is almost like Georgia is a team that was ranked purely because ESPN wanted them to be so thy could have some interest in their games the first couple weeks of the season. It certainly wasn't on the strength of last season for them (6-7, with a bowl loss to Colorado). Wasn't what they showed in camp, with multiple injuries and coaches getting DUI's. What I am getting at here is that the ALMIGHTY SEC is really just the SEMI-MIGHTY SEC WEST this year, since the cream of the East crop in USC struggled with Georgia, who has a stunningly real chance to not make a bowl game this year. Georgia, remember, you had this game in your hand. Good teams find a way to win. Bad teams find a way to lose. Guess which one you are.

-LSU or Alabama will go undefeated. They have to play each other, which could be the best game ever.

-Notre Dame is 0-2 (no,, not 1-1) after losing to Michigan in the most exciting game I have ever seen on TV. Michigan, down by infinity in the 4th, makes a stunning comeback, only to have ND regain the lead with 30 seconds left. Michigan gets the ball on their own 20, Denard "I should win all the Heismans" Robinson bombs it downfield, they end up near ND's midfield. What happens next? The tying field goal? Brady Hoke's enormous steel testicles say "WE WILL RUN ONE MORE PLAY" with 8 seconds left. Which, if you have turned on anything sports related in the last 16 hours, you saw the result of. Touchdown Wolverines! Also, on the kickoff, with two seconds left, that was totally a fumble on ND's part, that was returned for a touchdown, but who cares?! Notre Dame, who was predicted to have such a "difficult, arduous schedule" by the experts (when in reality it consists of Stanford and a bunch of teams that they SHOULD BE CRUSHING), is actually not all that good! Sadly, if they win out, except for Stanford, they will still get into a BCS bowl/the title game. Because winning a title previously should mean that you get the benefit of the doubt now, right?

-Minnesota's new head coach Jerry Kill, loved by all who don't actually care if their team wins the game so long as they can claim moral victories*, had a seizure on the sidelines near the end of the game. While I am not one to make fun of a very serious situation, that is what you get for losing to New Mexico State at home. New Mexico State being one of two cupcake games for Minny. Good luck against North Dakota State in two weeks!

*Minnesota fan website, The Gopher Hole, might be the biggest repository of racists who don't think they are racist in the world. Threads after Kill's seizure include several gems blasting New Mexico State for their "thuggish attitude", which in reality, is a code word for "them blacks". So, to any Gopher Hole people reading this... Yes, you are that racist. No, nobody is fooled by your "clever" disguises that you use to try to pretend you aren't. For goodness sakes, the majority of your posters want to bench any black players who start for their white backups, because "I just have a feeling Cornbread McAmericanflag (1 for 23, 6 INTS 0TDS last year) is going to be better in the long run than Darkie McDonttrust (25-34, 1 INT 7TDS)".

If you are one of the three sane Gopher Hole posters, this doesn't apply to you.

Angry's Heisman List, as of Week 2:
1. Denard Robinson
3. Les Miles
4. Ndamukong Suh (I AM NOT GIVING UP ON THIS)
5. Coors Light

Angry's List of Things in Football that need to Stop:
1. Commentary teams with Craig James
2. Pat Forde's "Forde Yard Dash" on I hope everybody is excited for a three sentence breakdown of BSU games followed by the word "Bus." Because he's already started that this season! If you want to be taken seriously, at least get a gimmick that doesn't make people who are even fans of the team you are talking about want to stab their eyes out.
3. Updates on Toomer's Corner during Auburn games. I know they are full of tradition and meaning to Auburn fans. They are also, ready for this bombshell? They are also FUCKING TREES. It's bad that a man poisoned them. Maybe we could use this to motivate people to care about the millions of other trees that this happens to?
4. Craig James in general.
5. Rankings of any sort before the season starts.

Well, that's all for this week. Be sure to check back through the season for more "high" "quality" opinions, facts, anecdotes, and toilet humor!

Also, for excellent literary and football analysis, be sure to also check out

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Football Thankfuls 2010 Edition

Hello sportsfans! It is that time of year again. The time for turkey, family, turkey, booze, turkey, and passing out on the couch. That's right, Thanksgiving is a mere one day away from now. With that said, it is time for my yearly "What I am thankful for in regards to football" edition of the blog.

-Firstly, I am thankful that Mike Leach is suing ESPN for the horrible shit that they did to him during the coverage of his firing last season. Nevermind that the firing was motivated by Texas Tech not wanting to pay the 800k bonus he would have been owed the next day. But the fact that they gave so much airtime to the father of the player in question (who just so happens to be one of their worst football commentators), and let him talk about the case, is horrible. I'm all for anything that reminds "The Worldwide Leader" that they are mortal, and they can't just get away with whatever they want. Hopefully, Leach either wins or this gets settled out of court. And with any luck, they will quietly be letting Craig James go.

-I am thankful that, given the way this season is going to end, we are going to be stuck with the BCS for life. Consider that right now, the last ditch effort (an anti-trust lawsuit) is being brought against the BCS. The grounds for this being that non-AQ teams never get to play for the title. Now, consider that either TCU or BSU is going to play for the title this year (it's going to happen, because I don't see Auburn either beating Alabama or going unpunished for having Cam Newton on their team). Whoops, there goes THE ENTIRE FREAKING CASE AGAINST THE BCS. This is the equivalent of claiming that someone won't let you borrow their shirt while you are wearing the shirt.

Am I happy that we are going to be stuck with the BCS? Ehhh, I'm fairly ambivalent. I don't hate it with the tenacity that most people seem to. I mean, I enjoy the idea of a playoff, but I also enjoy the 30+ bowl games. More football = better. Less football = worse.

-I am thankful that the WAC is dying. While this is not good for my Idaho Vandals, it is good in that it puts Karl Benson out of a job. Trust me, when it comes time to write the Ultimate Book of College Football History, Karl Benson is going to be named as the worst conference commish of all time.

Favoring one team above all others? Check. See his comments from last season re: Boise State: "I think that deep down, every team in the WAC wants BSU to go undefeated." No Karl, traditionally teams like for themselves to go undefeated. This applies to the Utah States of the world as much as the Big Boys. Also my guess for his next favorite team assuming somehow the WAC survives the next three years? San Jose State. At least they have a warm climate. Nevermind the fact that they might drop football, as logic clearly has no place in Benson's mind.

Talks like he has no clue what he is doing? Check.


Incapable of convincing bottom level teams in other conferences to join his? Check.

Soon to be unemployed? Check.

-Not football related, but I am thankful that Gran Turismo 5 is currently in my PS3. I have been waiting three years for my sweet, sweet Car Pornography. Seriously, this is my most favoritest series of games ever. The only issue being that doing some of the 24 hour endurance races is no longer possible due to being an adult. Stupid responsibility. At least I can console myself by trying to purchase and race all 1000+ cars.

-Also not football related, but I'm glad that LeBron doesn't have an offensive rebound in 11 of his last 14 games. This makes my NBA finals prediction of Celtics over Lakers in 6 more likely (this switches to Lakers over Celtics if Gasol stays this hot the entire season, which with the energy he saves by not fucking shaving, he can do). Seriously, has any team ever been truly great with 3 stars who are fed by ego and no role players? Even Jordan had Pippen.

-I am thankful that Texas is bad this year. Mack Brown is the worst.

-I am thankful that I am becoming more of a basketball fan. Not more than football, just more in general.

-Finally, I'm thankful for you, my loyal tens and tens of readers. You keep this blog alive.

Well, that's all for this week, as I have to go win some races to get the cash to buy a 1988 Toyota Corolla. AFN out!

Friday, November 12, 2010

Wherein I talk about Cam Newton

Hello sportsfans! I'd like to talk semi-seriously about the Cam Newton situation today. I know, I know, you mostly come for the fart and weiner jokes. Well, I'll see what I can do, but I am not a miracle worker.

So, Cam Newton may have asked for money from Mississippi State before ending up at Auburn. This is in a direct violation of NCAA rules, where only the people who are not performing the work are the ones who can be paid.

Do we know, for sure, that he did it at this point? No. In fact, our only evidence is a former player who works as an agent. A former Mississippi State player. GEE, THAT ISN'T SUSPICIOUS IN THE SLIGHTEST.

But what is really grinding my gears is the Heisman debate. There are a couple of facts that should be stated at this point:

FACT: The Heisman Trophy (ostensibly) goes to the best player in any given year.
FACT: Cam Newton is the best player in college football this year.
FACT: At this point, Cam Newton should win the Heisman easily.
FACT: Innocent until proven guilty is the standard in America.

And yet, you have (sorry mother, in this one I'm cursing) absolute dipshits like Pat Forde. See, Mr. 40 said that having just been through the Reggie Bush debacle, he has a sour taste in his mouth. Since he feels his vote didn't count, he is reluctant to vote for Newton because he wants his vote to count. And his vote wouldn't count if Newton wins and then later is stripped of the award.

This is not something that is unusual in America. For example, living in Idaho and voting for a Democrat for President means in a very real way that your vote did not count. I'm not referring to some nebulous election fraud of some sort. But due to the way we elect our President unless you vote for the same candidate as 50.1% of the people in your state, guess what? Your vote means the same as a fart in the wind.

Now, obviously, there is a difference between President and Heisman winner. For example, the Heisman winner can make a difference in my life personally (fantasy football, where if you are reading Bryan I am sorry for beating you this past week). The point I am trying to make here is that our vote not counting for something is not a unique situation. And if something so fucking petty as "MY VOTE DIDN'T COUNT IN THIS COLLEGE FOOTBALL AWARD THAT LITERALLY MEANS THE PERSON IN QUESTION GETS A TROPHY AND NOTHING ELSE" (Hi there Matt Leinart) make you do the wrong thing? Well, let's just go ahead and add that to the list of things that make Ford-E (which i believe was the codename for the Edsel) a shitty sportswriter. Nevermind the fact that it isn't going to say somewhere down the line in a golden history book "Pat Forde cast the deciding vote that gave ______________________ the Heisman."

"But Angry," you ask, with a slack look on your face and your eyes glazed over, "Why do you care? After all, you yourself just said the Heisman doesn't really mean anything. Doesn't that make you a hypocrite?"

Well, here's where my beef with not voting for Newton because you want your vote to count historically. Again, the Heisman is the award for the best player in college football. By not voting for the best player in college football, you are doing the wrong thing. The absolute, flat out, zero-sum wrong fucking thing.

Who am I to complain about doing the wrong thing? Well, I'm certainly no saint, but I can share this anecdote. In high school, I was in a situation where telling what would barely qualify as a lie in regards to drinking, where I had taken literally one tiny sip of Vodka&Gatorade, would have gotten me in absolutely zero trouble. I'm talking none, whatsoever.

What did 17 year old me do? Admitted that I had taken one sip (I got just enough to realize it was disgusting and stopped) and got suspended for 5 days. So again, while I'm not perfect, I do know a little something about doing the right thing when in the long run it doesn't matter.

DO the right thing, 40 Ounces of Dumb. Unless evidence comes to light immediately and he is declared ineligible, Newton should win the 2010 Heisman.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Tennessee Players afraid of Showers for Some Reason

Hello sportsfans! Welcome to another edition of college football commentary by me, the one and only Angry Football Nerd. In this update, we talk history with Vols head coach Derek Dooley, and tragedy at Notre Dame. Also, some Heisman talk that is almost sure to screw be screwed up by the end of the day today. I also make fun of a much more famous sportswriter, this time on the national level. So, let's get this show on the road!

- So, if you haven't heard by now, Tennessee head coach Derek "Crybaby" Dooley compared his team to the Nazis at Normandy during his press conference last Monday. Something resembling the full text can be found here. Now,I don't necessairly agree with ESPN's take that it is inappropriate to talk about war while our country is at war (or else the History channel is screwed). But there is one thing that you never, EVER do.

That thing is compare anybody or anything to the Nazis and expect to be taken seriously. This includes yourself, your team, politicians of the opposing political party (no matter how black they may be), anything or anyone. Period.

Now, I'm not some namby-pamby whiny baby. But seriously Dooley? The Nazis. THE NAZIS. The most evil group of people in human history. I mean, jokes are great and all, but when you are already in a state that is viewed as backwards as Tennessee is, and you make comments like that, and the people actually support it? Damn, you're an idiot.

At least he's rebuilding the program.

-So, Kansas is on a downswing. So much so that, before this weeks game against Iowa State (Who awesomely beat Texas for the first time ever last weekend), the Athletic Department issued a press release. Now, after a bit of research, the thing in question I am about to tell you has been going on since at least 2007. But, anyway:

A KU Loss Would:

-Be less good than a win

NO WAY!!!!!! I never could have figured that out on my own! Thank you Kansas! You have shown us all the light!

-The tragedy at Notre Dame. Now, I am not a Notre Dame fan. Anybody who has read this blog or talked to me for more than five minutes could tell you that. But, I am not a horrible person (that horrible anyway). This genuinely sucks. Nobody deserves to have something that horrific happen. My heart goes out to the victim, his family, the players and coaches who witnessed it, and the University itself.

-So, I promised that I would mock a more famous sportswriter. Pat Forde, you suck! Seriously, read the guys article sometime. He likes to think of himself as a champion of the underdog (read: non-AQ teams). However, the three teams that he is talking about (if you need me to tell you what three teams he is talking about you need to remove your head from your buttocks and turn on sportscenter) are likely to be favored in EVERY SINGLE ONE of their remaining games, save for when TCU and utah play each other (my money is on TCU being favored). Honestly, cheering for these teams is like cheering for the weed whacker to beat the blade of grass.

Yes, I get that he is talking about the overall picture, and that these teams deserve to play in the title game. Which, annoyingly enough, he has been doing since the first week of the season, so he must either believe that their schedules are really so weak as to not even be worth playing or he is a world class hypocrite.

Also, want proof of how little ESPN itself regards him? Check his e-mail address. That's right, the so-called champion of the under(over)dog doesn't get an official e-mail. No, he gets something straight out of 1997. That's right friends, Pat Forde can be reached at ESPN4D@AOL.COM. That's right, AOL.

-AFN's Top Five Heisman Candidates:

1. Cam Newton, QB Auburn
2. Denard Robinson, QB Michigan
3. Ndamukong Suh, Facecrusher Detroit Lions
4. LaMichael James, HB Oregon
5. Gin and Tonics, Delicious My stomach

AFN's Top Five Football/Sports Commentators:

1. Brad Nessler
2. Colin Cowherd/Future Mrs. AFN Michelle Beadle (Sportsnation being an awesome show)
3. Scott Van Pelt
4. Kirk Herbstriet
5. Mark May (if you hate him, you clearly don't get the gimmick)

AFN's current favorite thing in college football:

The fact that in 20 minutes, I get to watch Georgia-Florida and it is legitimately a cripple fight this year. This is tied with Baylor about to play Texas, and BAYLOR is the ranked team.

AFN's current least favorite thing in college football:

The fact that people are still saying "this early in the season." It is Halloween weekend* people. That is not "early in the season" by any means.

*PS: Halloween night, normally a fun time for all of us aged 4-10, and then 21-30, is on a Sunday this year. Sorry, cheap drinks and girls dressed like slutty cats/nurses. You can't compare to Saints-Steelers!

The best song is still:

Rocky Top

Alright sportsfans. Nebraska Mizzou is about to kick off, and frankly, I need to watch this game to determine who I bet on in the Big 12 championship. See you next week(ish).

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Breaking the Silence

Hello sports fans. Sorry for my extended absence, but unlike the vast majority of people who write a sports blog, I actually have a real job that requires my attention. This update also heralds something of a new format. Instead of breaking down a ton of games (something that I have lost interest in, as how many times can I really say that X team is awesome/sucks and still make it hysterical?), I'm going to talk about a few subjects at a time, and give more in-depth thoughts. So, here comes the first one!

-The Minnesota Golden Gophers finally fired Tim Brewster, ending a few years of declining football. This will not lead to immediate great things however. They still ave to hire a new coach, and the current rumblings are... disturbing to say the least.

Two leading candidates? Dan "Wife Beatin" McCarney and Gary "Well, she was a bad kicker so it is ok that players raped her" Burnett.

We all like winning. It's in our nature. Would those coaches eventually help Minnesota win more games? Absolutely.

At what cost are Gopher fans willing to win? Hire a wife beater? Hire someone who ACTUALLY JUSTIFIED RAPE BY SAYING THAT SHE DESERVED FOR NOT BEING GOOD AT FOOTBALL? Hopefully, we don't have to find out.

Me, I would take a happy loser over a wretched excuse for a human who goes (it is Minnesota, so let me be realistic) 8-4 year in year out.

-On Florida's troubles:
Rumors are circulating that Urban "Squeaky Clean" Meyer has essentially retired. Some of these back up previous rumors that he came back after his retirement last year to only help the University save face (That is working well after that loss to Mississippi State at home). Now, as these are rumors, take them with a grain of salt.

That said, as no great fan of Urban Meyer, or Florida in general (circumcise America's wang), let me say just one thing:


Eat it, Urbz.

-My Heisman top 5:
1. University of Oregon
2. Denard Robinson
3. Ndamukong Suh (I am not joking about this, dammit)
4. Cam Newton
5. Les Miles

My BCS Top 5, if I were a BCS computer:

1. Oregon
2. Oklahoma
3. Oregon again
4. Alabama (If you think that their one loss, given the schedule they play, makes them a not top 5 team, you are bad and you should feel bad)
5. LSU (Voodoo beats skill, always)

Why the BCS isn't the worst thing in college football:

Hey Mid-Majors! If you really are just as good as the big boy teams, then NO! It is not too much to ask to go undefeated. None of you play anybody of note anyway! Oregon State? They just lost to Washington! Iowa State? I beat them like twice today!

Seriously though, here is the choice for Mid-Majors:

A) Go undefeated, play in a huge bowl game with a ton of money and exposure, as a result of finishing in the top 12


B) Rely on the bowl coordinators to pick you, a smaller school with a much smaller fanbase, to pick you over, say... a 9-3 Texas team that will bring INFINITY DOLLARS to them.

Am I saying the BCS is perfect? No. Am I even a huge fan of it? No (but not for the matchups it has produced). I'm more against it because they release the rankings in the middle of October. If they didn't come out until after the season (but before the bowls you pedantic jerkstore), that would alleviate a ton of my problems with it.

Awesomest trend in College Football:

Quarterbacks not named Tim Tebow TIED with Les Miles crazy voodoo priest powers.

Least awesomest trend in College Football:

Fanbases complaining about other teams ranking above them based on results from previous seasons. Minnesota won a national championship in '62. By the logic these mental giants use, that means that they should still be number 1.

Anyway, I'm out for this week.

Last minute pick:

Auburn over LSU. Even though I am a crazy person who loves Les Miles, I don't think that they can sneak past this one.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Live Blogging the day Away!

Hello sports fans! Welcome to another edition of Live Blogging Featuring AFN! For those of you who are new this year, every time the Red River Shootout (Call it the rivalry and I will end you) rolls around, I get the crazy idea to live blog. This should be a good one this year, as we also have Oregon-Stanford and Florida-Alabama. In this I will write down almost all the football thoughts that cross my mind. Let's get it started!

10:26 AM- I love the Herbstriet "Stud Finder" commercial. More products and services need to be self-aware like Gameday is.

10:27 AM- Will this be the yearly game that Ohio State drops? Probably!

10:29 AM- Great punt by the Illini to trap the Buckeyes on their own 1. Also, a moment of silence for Michigan State coach Mark Dantonio, who was readmitted into the hospital today after his heart attack after the Notre Dame game.

10:33 AM- Over in the Minnesota-Northwestern game, my first "Fire Brewster" came out for the day. This will not be the last, regardless of the outcome of this game.

10:35 AM- Remember the Texas A&M game Thursday night? How did anyone, ever, think that Jerron Johnson was a Heisman contender? When you throw nearly as many picks as TDs, you are not a good quarterback.

10:37 AM- Keys to beating Minnesota: Have a pulse. Fire Brewster. Speaking of Brewster, after last week's loss to Northern Illinois, he said of the team's 1-3 record, 'That doesn't matter. We can still go undefeated in the Big 10." Timmy, if you lose to South Dakota State, USC, and NIU, no, you CAN'T go undefeated in the Big 10.

10:41 AM- A possible game ending penalty by Minnesota that gave Northwestern the ball on the Minny 10 with a fresh set of downs is erased by a NW fumble recovered by Minnesota.

10:43 AM- Holy crap, they ruled him down by contact on the field. The commentary team seems to think that it will be overturned and Minnesota ball on the 6. After seeing the replay, I agree with them.

10:44 AM- Yeah, they overturned it. Replay is awesome, right World Cup and Major League Baseball?

10:49 AM- Minnesota somehow driving. Honestly, as a fan, I want them to lose out. I can't risk anything happening that might keep Brewster hired. My biggest fear is that they somehow win a game that they shouldn't in epic fashion and he stays employed.

10:57 AM- Get ready Moscow peeps, I'm headed your way the first weekend in November. Prepare Mikey's, the Club, and possibly Old Peking.

11:08 AM- Clemson-Miami looks like a much better game than NW-Minn. So why am I not watching it? Simply because FIRE BREWSTER. And now the Gophs are about to score to tie it up.

11:10 AM- Yeah, they tied it up.

11:12 AM- Illinois is currently leading Ohio State 10-7. Why does OSU always struggle in a conference game against a BAD team?

11:18 AM- Thank goodness OSU. Now keep it up in the second half, or I will find Terrelle Pryor and steal from you, steal from me, kill you, kill me (man I hope somebody knows what I'm talking about).

11:25 AM- Northwestern driving to hopefully break the 14-14 tie going into the half.

11:30 AM- Nope.

11:36 AM- Minnesota is in the lead 21-14 going into the half. I feel like such a jerk, but I just want Brewster gone so very much.

11:40 AM- Baylor just broke an AMAZING pass to score from their own 6. It was basically a lateral, and the blocking was outstanding. Just one of those plays that is done to absolute perfection.

11:48 AM- Pryor out for a bit with an injury. Hopefully he will be back soon. Time to see if Ohio State is a one trick pony.

12:03 PM- A light lunch took me through halftime and NW is driving after a crazy fumble recovery for 35 yards.

12:05 PM- NW scores to even it up with Minnesota. Or they would have, had they not missed the extra point.

12:11 PM- Idaho and Western Michigan just kicked off. The picture is like looking through a sheet of wax paper, and the sound quality is worse than a kindergarten music class

12:15 PM- This lull in the games seems like as good a time as any to talk about this. If you are any kind of decent person, and you are getting married, you need to listen to this. Don't schedule your wedding during the fall. It's simply rude to expect your friends and family to not watch games so that you can get hitched. There are a couple exceptions to this rule. The first is if you do it during the first two weeks of the season and there are not any major games. The second is if the wedding is in the state of Minnesota. Props to the Angry Football Best Friend, who scheduled his wedding for Memorial Day.

12:21 PM- And the WAC Sports Network loses the feed to the Idaho-WMU game. Jeez, can the WAC do anything right ever?

12:26 PM- Flip to the Minnesota game just in time to see them pick a NW TD pass.

12:30 PM- It's time. It's TIME. IT'S BEER TIME!


12:46 PM- Beer in hand, football on TV, football on radio. Life is good.

12:54 PM- Ohio State seals the game 24-13 with 2 minutes left. Of course, I'm going to keep watching, since I fully expect them to screw it up.

1:04 PM- OSU did not screw it up. That sound you hear? That is my sigh of relief.

1:06 PM- Awesome fake punt Idaho!

1:07 PM- Robb Akey has enormous testicles of pure titanium.

1:20 PM- Northwestern beating Minnesota, Ohio State winning. Big Ten is going according to plan today.

1:22 PM- Scene: AFN and AFMother are listening to Idaho game on radio, as AFFather is watching the delayed by 8 seconds broadcast upstairs.

Idaho: Touchdown
AFN and AFM: Claps
AFM: I think we're ahead of your dad
AFF: Starts clapping.
AFN and AFM: Raucous laughter

1:32 PM- Red River Shootout is imminent. No matter how bad or good both of these teams are, this is one of my favorite games of the year.

1:39 PM- Dear Idaho: i know this is contrary to your beliefs, but committing penalties is actually a bad thing.

1:46 PM- Idaho ahead at the half 17-10. And a hilarious holding penalty after a hilarious personal foul penalty against Texas keeps Oklahoma's opening drive alive.

1:51 PM- Boomer Sooner! Boomer Sooner!

1:57 PM- Apparently Oklahoma's D did something cool, I don't know I was taking a bathroom break.

2:05 PM- Oklahoma scores again and I just realized that I have access to the Michigan game, and therefore Denard Robinson.

2:16 PM- Outside of Urban Meyer, Mack Brown is the least likable coach in NCAA football. Just everything about him screams "I'm a bitter old man desperately trying to cling to glory".

2:26 PM- This seems as good a time as any to make a gin and tonic.

2:30 PM- This seems as good a time as any to make another gin and tonic. Dammit Idaho, why do you do this to me?!

2:31 PM- Ahhh, that'll stave off the malaria.

2:41 PM- Michigan is tied with indiana? This is not a thing that I am ok with.

2:48 PM- You know, when it comes down to great debates, you always have to take a side. Texas-Oklahoma, I'm on Oklahoma's side. Good-Evil, I'm on the side of good. But there is one debate that will transcend the ages, and that is Edward-Jacob. I'm firmly on Team Edward. Team Edward James Olmos, that is. Yes, it is a Battlestar Galactica joke.

3:02 PM- Oklahoma is just manhandling Texas. Manhandling them like... a manhandling... thing.

3:12 PM: Idaho with a fumble recovery putting them on the WMU 15 while up 30-13 in the 4th. Also, the Vandal Gameday flag was definitely spotted during Gameday, bringing the streak to 2. We may never beat Wazzu's streak, but we can make a good showing!

3:19 PM- Oh sweet Jesus! We are screwed! The University of Michigan commercial just aired footage of students controlling a robot. All hail our new robot overlords!

3:34 PM- This is a shout out to local Boise band Nude Oil. I can honestly say that if you like things that are awesome, they are the band for you.

3:28 PM-

3:38 PM- One of the most recent predictions I've seen for bowl season (which, lol at them in the first 2 months anyway) has Idaho against Arizona State in the Kraft Fight hunger bowl. Regardless of the outcome of that game, does Erickson leave the stadium alive? My money is on yes, but minus 2 limbs.

3:45 PM- Awesome fake punt by Texas. Pays off! I think one of the best things about football is being able to give credit to amazing play by teams you hate.

3:55 PM- Dear Michigan State: While I feel for you after the loss of your coach, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't beat Wisconsin. Thanks, AFN

3:59 PM- Sweet sack by Michigan.

4:09 PM- Tennessee-LSU, after starting off very ugly for Tenn (LSU scored on the first play), is now in the fourth with LSU up 10-7, but Tennessee just completed an amazing pass and is threatening to score.

4:24 PM- The Angry Football Father, upon watching the WSU-UCLA game, immediately referred to Neuheisal as Buttheisal.

4:28 PM- UCLA: One week we crush Texas, the next we struggle with WSU.

4:49 PM- I'm so conlficted on the ending of this Tennessee-LSU game. On one hand, I hate LSU. On the other I hate Derek Dooley.

4:51 PM- OH MY GOD! What an amazing ending! Of course a Les Miles team would fall to crappy clock management. AND NOW 12 MEN ON THE FIELD TENNESSEE!

4:53 PM- Holy crap what an ending. LSU WINS!!!!!

4:54 PM- Wow, what an assclown Dooley is. I understand being pissed after a loss like that. But to not even look Miles in the eyes as he comes to shake your hand? Grow up, jerk.

5:09 PM- And Oklahoma wins it after a muffed punt is recovered by the OU long snapper.

5:16 PM- Alright folks, I'm taking a break for dinner. be back in an hour or so.

6:27 PM- Alright, back from delicious steaks to soak up the alcohol. The night's games have started, with Bama leading Assholes 3-0, Oregon up on Stanford 3-0, USC beating UW 7-0, and Iowa probably beating Penn State by a hojillion points.

6:39 PM- Stanford looking really good against Oregon, leading 7-3. Also, a Brent Musberger lovefest about the Pistol, designed by Hall of Fame Head Coach Chris Ault of Nevada.

6:51 PM- Stanford might very well kick oregon's ass if this keeps up. And if they do, who is going to stop them? 21-3 Cardinal, and they are showing no sign of stopping.

7:05 PM- Ballsy onside works for Oregon as they recover the ball after a touchdown! 10-21 Stanford.

7:11 PM- Oregon scores again, making it 17-21. It's a shame that this game isn't the last week of the season, so we could hear debates about how they both deserve a rematch in the national championship.

8:00 PM- Alright sports fans, I'm calling this Live Blog for the day. Come back next week sometime, as I post an update on the end of the day, as well as any thoughts I feel compelled to share.