Wednesday, November 24, 2010

Football Thankfuls 2010 Edition

Hello sportsfans! It is that time of year again. The time for turkey, family, turkey, booze, turkey, and passing out on the couch. That's right, Thanksgiving is a mere one day away from now. With that said, it is time for my yearly "What I am thankful for in regards to football" edition of the blog.

-Firstly, I am thankful that Mike Leach is suing ESPN for the horrible shit that they did to him during the coverage of his firing last season. Nevermind that the firing was motivated by Texas Tech not wanting to pay the 800k bonus he would have been owed the next day. But the fact that they gave so much airtime to the father of the player in question (who just so happens to be one of their worst football commentators), and let him talk about the case, is horrible. I'm all for anything that reminds "The Worldwide Leader" that they are mortal, and they can't just get away with whatever they want. Hopefully, Leach either wins or this gets settled out of court. And with any luck, they will quietly be letting Craig James go.

-I am thankful that, given the way this season is going to end, we are going to be stuck with the BCS for life. Consider that right now, the last ditch effort (an anti-trust lawsuit) is being brought against the BCS. The grounds for this being that non-AQ teams never get to play for the title. Now, consider that either TCU or BSU is going to play for the title this year (it's going to happen, because I don't see Auburn either beating Alabama or going unpunished for having Cam Newton on their team). Whoops, there goes THE ENTIRE FREAKING CASE AGAINST THE BCS. This is the equivalent of claiming that someone won't let you borrow their shirt while you are wearing the shirt.

Am I happy that we are going to be stuck with the BCS? Ehhh, I'm fairly ambivalent. I don't hate it with the tenacity that most people seem to. I mean, I enjoy the idea of a playoff, but I also enjoy the 30+ bowl games. More football = better. Less football = worse.

-I am thankful that the WAC is dying. While this is not good for my Idaho Vandals, it is good in that it puts Karl Benson out of a job. Trust me, when it comes time to write the Ultimate Book of College Football History, Karl Benson is going to be named as the worst conference commish of all time.

Favoring one team above all others? Check. See his comments from last season re: Boise State: "I think that deep down, every team in the WAC wants BSU to go undefeated." No Karl, traditionally teams like for themselves to go undefeated. This applies to the Utah States of the world as much as the Big Boys. Also my guess for his next favorite team assuming somehow the WAC survives the next three years? San Jose State. At least they have a warm climate. Nevermind the fact that they might drop football, as logic clearly has no place in Benson's mind.

Talks like he has no clue what he is doing? Check.


Incapable of convincing bottom level teams in other conferences to join his? Check.

Soon to be unemployed? Check.

-Not football related, but I am thankful that Gran Turismo 5 is currently in my PS3. I have been waiting three years for my sweet, sweet Car Pornography. Seriously, this is my most favoritest series of games ever. The only issue being that doing some of the 24 hour endurance races is no longer possible due to being an adult. Stupid responsibility. At least I can console myself by trying to purchase and race all 1000+ cars.

-Also not football related, but I'm glad that LeBron doesn't have an offensive rebound in 11 of his last 14 games. This makes my NBA finals prediction of Celtics over Lakers in 6 more likely (this switches to Lakers over Celtics if Gasol stays this hot the entire season, which with the energy he saves by not fucking shaving, he can do). Seriously, has any team ever been truly great with 3 stars who are fed by ego and no role players? Even Jordan had Pippen.

-I am thankful that Texas is bad this year. Mack Brown is the worst.

-I am thankful that I am becoming more of a basketball fan. Not more than football, just more in general.

-Finally, I'm thankful for you, my loyal tens and tens of readers. You keep this blog alive.

Well, that's all for this week, as I have to go win some races to get the cash to buy a 1988 Toyota Corolla. AFN out!

Friday, November 12, 2010

Wherein I talk about Cam Newton

Hello sportsfans! I'd like to talk semi-seriously about the Cam Newton situation today. I know, I know, you mostly come for the fart and weiner jokes. Well, I'll see what I can do, but I am not a miracle worker.

So, Cam Newton may have asked for money from Mississippi State before ending up at Auburn. This is in a direct violation of NCAA rules, where only the people who are not performing the work are the ones who can be paid.

Do we know, for sure, that he did it at this point? No. In fact, our only evidence is a former player who works as an agent. A former Mississippi State player. GEE, THAT ISN'T SUSPICIOUS IN THE SLIGHTEST.

But what is really grinding my gears is the Heisman debate. There are a couple of facts that should be stated at this point:

FACT: The Heisman Trophy (ostensibly) goes to the best player in any given year.
FACT: Cam Newton is the best player in college football this year.
FACT: At this point, Cam Newton should win the Heisman easily.
FACT: Innocent until proven guilty is the standard in America.

And yet, you have (sorry mother, in this one I'm cursing) absolute dipshits like Pat Forde. See, Mr. 40 said that having just been through the Reggie Bush debacle, he has a sour taste in his mouth. Since he feels his vote didn't count, he is reluctant to vote for Newton because he wants his vote to count. And his vote wouldn't count if Newton wins and then later is stripped of the award.

This is not something that is unusual in America. For example, living in Idaho and voting for a Democrat for President means in a very real way that your vote did not count. I'm not referring to some nebulous election fraud of some sort. But due to the way we elect our President unless you vote for the same candidate as 50.1% of the people in your state, guess what? Your vote means the same as a fart in the wind.

Now, obviously, there is a difference between President and Heisman winner. For example, the Heisman winner can make a difference in my life personally (fantasy football, where if you are reading Bryan I am sorry for beating you this past week). The point I am trying to make here is that our vote not counting for something is not a unique situation. And if something so fucking petty as "MY VOTE DIDN'T COUNT IN THIS COLLEGE FOOTBALL AWARD THAT LITERALLY MEANS THE PERSON IN QUESTION GETS A TROPHY AND NOTHING ELSE" (Hi there Matt Leinart) make you do the wrong thing? Well, let's just go ahead and add that to the list of things that make Ford-E (which i believe was the codename for the Edsel) a shitty sportswriter. Nevermind the fact that it isn't going to say somewhere down the line in a golden history book "Pat Forde cast the deciding vote that gave ______________________ the Heisman."

"But Angry," you ask, with a slack look on your face and your eyes glazed over, "Why do you care? After all, you yourself just said the Heisman doesn't really mean anything. Doesn't that make you a hypocrite?"

Well, here's where my beef with not voting for Newton because you want your vote to count historically. Again, the Heisman is the award for the best player in college football. By not voting for the best player in college football, you are doing the wrong thing. The absolute, flat out, zero-sum wrong fucking thing.

Who am I to complain about doing the wrong thing? Well, I'm certainly no saint, but I can share this anecdote. In high school, I was in a situation where telling what would barely qualify as a lie in regards to drinking, where I had taken literally one tiny sip of Vodka&Gatorade, would have gotten me in absolutely zero trouble. I'm talking none, whatsoever.

What did 17 year old me do? Admitted that I had taken one sip (I got just enough to realize it was disgusting and stopped) and got suspended for 5 days. So again, while I'm not perfect, I do know a little something about doing the right thing when in the long run it doesn't matter.

DO the right thing, 40 Ounces of Dumb. Unless evidence comes to light immediately and he is declared ineligible, Newton should win the 2010 Heisman.

Saturday, October 30, 2010

Tennessee Players afraid of Showers for Some Reason

Hello sportsfans! Welcome to another edition of college football commentary by me, the one and only Angry Football Nerd. In this update, we talk history with Vols head coach Derek Dooley, and tragedy at Notre Dame. Also, some Heisman talk that is almost sure to screw be screwed up by the end of the day today. I also make fun of a much more famous sportswriter, this time on the national level. So, let's get this show on the road!

- So, if you haven't heard by now, Tennessee head coach Derek "Crybaby" Dooley compared his team to the Nazis at Normandy during his press conference last Monday. Something resembling the full text can be found here. Now,I don't necessairly agree with ESPN's take that it is inappropriate to talk about war while our country is at war (or else the History channel is screwed). But there is one thing that you never, EVER do.

That thing is compare anybody or anything to the Nazis and expect to be taken seriously. This includes yourself, your team, politicians of the opposing political party (no matter how black they may be), anything or anyone. Period.

Now, I'm not some namby-pamby whiny baby. But seriously Dooley? The Nazis. THE NAZIS. The most evil group of people in human history. I mean, jokes are great and all, but when you are already in a state that is viewed as backwards as Tennessee is, and you make comments like that, and the people actually support it? Damn, you're an idiot.

At least he's rebuilding the program.

-So, Kansas is on a downswing. So much so that, before this weeks game against Iowa State (Who awesomely beat Texas for the first time ever last weekend), the Athletic Department issued a press release. Now, after a bit of research, the thing in question I am about to tell you has been going on since at least 2007. But, anyway:

A KU Loss Would:

-Be less good than a win

NO WAY!!!!!! I never could have figured that out on my own! Thank you Kansas! You have shown us all the light!

-The tragedy at Notre Dame. Now, I am not a Notre Dame fan. Anybody who has read this blog or talked to me for more than five minutes could tell you that. But, I am not a horrible person (that horrible anyway). This genuinely sucks. Nobody deserves to have something that horrific happen. My heart goes out to the victim, his family, the players and coaches who witnessed it, and the University itself.

-So, I promised that I would mock a more famous sportswriter. Pat Forde, you suck! Seriously, read the guys article sometime. He likes to think of himself as a champion of the underdog (read: non-AQ teams). However, the three teams that he is talking about (if you need me to tell you what three teams he is talking about you need to remove your head from your buttocks and turn on sportscenter) are likely to be favored in EVERY SINGLE ONE of their remaining games, save for when TCU and utah play each other (my money is on TCU being favored). Honestly, cheering for these teams is like cheering for the weed whacker to beat the blade of grass.

Yes, I get that he is talking about the overall picture, and that these teams deserve to play in the title game. Which, annoyingly enough, he has been doing since the first week of the season, so he must either believe that their schedules are really so weak as to not even be worth playing or he is a world class hypocrite.

Also, want proof of how little ESPN itself regards him? Check his e-mail address. That's right, the so-called champion of the under(over)dog doesn't get an official e-mail. No, he gets something straight out of 1997. That's right friends, Pat Forde can be reached at ESPN4D@AOL.COM. That's right, AOL.

-AFN's Top Five Heisman Candidates:

1. Cam Newton, QB Auburn
2. Denard Robinson, QB Michigan
3. Ndamukong Suh, Facecrusher Detroit Lions
4. LaMichael James, HB Oregon
5. Gin and Tonics, Delicious My stomach

AFN's Top Five Football/Sports Commentators:

1. Brad Nessler
2. Colin Cowherd/Future Mrs. AFN Michelle Beadle (Sportsnation being an awesome show)
3. Scott Van Pelt
4. Kirk Herbstriet
5. Mark May (if you hate him, you clearly don't get the gimmick)

AFN's current favorite thing in college football:

The fact that in 20 minutes, I get to watch Georgia-Florida and it is legitimately a cripple fight this year. This is tied with Baylor about to play Texas, and BAYLOR is the ranked team.

AFN's current least favorite thing in college football:

The fact that people are still saying "this early in the season." It is Halloween weekend* people. That is not "early in the season" by any means.

*PS: Halloween night, normally a fun time for all of us aged 4-10, and then 21-30, is on a Sunday this year. Sorry, cheap drinks and girls dressed like slutty cats/nurses. You can't compare to Saints-Steelers!

The best song is still:

Rocky Top

Alright sportsfans. Nebraska Mizzou is about to kick off, and frankly, I need to watch this game to determine who I bet on in the Big 12 championship. See you next week(ish).

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Breaking the Silence

Hello sports fans. Sorry for my extended absence, but unlike the vast majority of people who write a sports blog, I actually have a real job that requires my attention. This update also heralds something of a new format. Instead of breaking down a ton of games (something that I have lost interest in, as how many times can I really say that X team is awesome/sucks and still make it hysterical?), I'm going to talk about a few subjects at a time, and give more in-depth thoughts. So, here comes the first one!

-The Minnesota Golden Gophers finally fired Tim Brewster, ending a few years of declining football. This will not lead to immediate great things however. They still ave to hire a new coach, and the current rumblings are... disturbing to say the least.

Two leading candidates? Dan "Wife Beatin" McCarney and Gary "Well, she was a bad kicker so it is ok that players raped her" Burnett.

We all like winning. It's in our nature. Would those coaches eventually help Minnesota win more games? Absolutely.

At what cost are Gopher fans willing to win? Hire a wife beater? Hire someone who ACTUALLY JUSTIFIED RAPE BY SAYING THAT SHE DESERVED FOR NOT BEING GOOD AT FOOTBALL? Hopefully, we don't have to find out.

Me, I would take a happy loser over a wretched excuse for a human who goes (it is Minnesota, so let me be realistic) 8-4 year in year out.

-On Florida's troubles:
Rumors are circulating that Urban "Squeaky Clean" Meyer has essentially retired. Some of these back up previous rumors that he came back after his retirement last year to only help the University save face (That is working well after that loss to Mississippi State at home). Now, as these are rumors, take them with a grain of salt.

That said, as no great fan of Urban Meyer, or Florida in general (circumcise America's wang), let me say just one thing:


Eat it, Urbz.

-My Heisman top 5:
1. University of Oregon
2. Denard Robinson
3. Ndamukong Suh (I am not joking about this, dammit)
4. Cam Newton
5. Les Miles

My BCS Top 5, if I were a BCS computer:

1. Oregon
2. Oklahoma
3. Oregon again
4. Alabama (If you think that their one loss, given the schedule they play, makes them a not top 5 team, you are bad and you should feel bad)
5. LSU (Voodoo beats skill, always)

Why the BCS isn't the worst thing in college football:

Hey Mid-Majors! If you really are just as good as the big boy teams, then NO! It is not too much to ask to go undefeated. None of you play anybody of note anyway! Oregon State? They just lost to Washington! Iowa State? I beat them like twice today!

Seriously though, here is the choice for Mid-Majors:

A) Go undefeated, play in a huge bowl game with a ton of money and exposure, as a result of finishing in the top 12


B) Rely on the bowl coordinators to pick you, a smaller school with a much smaller fanbase, to pick you over, say... a 9-3 Texas team that will bring INFINITY DOLLARS to them.

Am I saying the BCS is perfect? No. Am I even a huge fan of it? No (but not for the matchups it has produced). I'm more against it because they release the rankings in the middle of October. If they didn't come out until after the season (but before the bowls you pedantic jerkstore), that would alleviate a ton of my problems with it.

Awesomest trend in College Football:

Quarterbacks not named Tim Tebow TIED with Les Miles crazy voodoo priest powers.

Least awesomest trend in College Football:

Fanbases complaining about other teams ranking above them based on results from previous seasons. Minnesota won a national championship in '62. By the logic these mental giants use, that means that they should still be number 1.

Anyway, I'm out for this week.

Last minute pick:

Auburn over LSU. Even though I am a crazy person who loves Les Miles, I don't think that they can sneak past this one.

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Live Blogging the day Away!

Hello sports fans! Welcome to another edition of Live Blogging Featuring AFN! For those of you who are new this year, every time the Red River Shootout (Call it the rivalry and I will end you) rolls around, I get the crazy idea to live blog. This should be a good one this year, as we also have Oregon-Stanford and Florida-Alabama. In this I will write down almost all the football thoughts that cross my mind. Let's get it started!

10:26 AM- I love the Herbstriet "Stud Finder" commercial. More products and services need to be self-aware like Gameday is.

10:27 AM- Will this be the yearly game that Ohio State drops? Probably!

10:29 AM- Great punt by the Illini to trap the Buckeyes on their own 1. Also, a moment of silence for Michigan State coach Mark Dantonio, who was readmitted into the hospital today after his heart attack after the Notre Dame game.

10:33 AM- Over in the Minnesota-Northwestern game, my first "Fire Brewster" came out for the day. This will not be the last, regardless of the outcome of this game.

10:35 AM- Remember the Texas A&M game Thursday night? How did anyone, ever, think that Jerron Johnson was a Heisman contender? When you throw nearly as many picks as TDs, you are not a good quarterback.

10:37 AM- Keys to beating Minnesota: Have a pulse. Fire Brewster. Speaking of Brewster, after last week's loss to Northern Illinois, he said of the team's 1-3 record, 'That doesn't matter. We can still go undefeated in the Big 10." Timmy, if you lose to South Dakota State, USC, and NIU, no, you CAN'T go undefeated in the Big 10.

10:41 AM- A possible game ending penalty by Minnesota that gave Northwestern the ball on the Minny 10 with a fresh set of downs is erased by a NW fumble recovered by Minnesota.

10:43 AM- Holy crap, they ruled him down by contact on the field. The commentary team seems to think that it will be overturned and Minnesota ball on the 6. After seeing the replay, I agree with them.

10:44 AM- Yeah, they overturned it. Replay is awesome, right World Cup and Major League Baseball?

10:49 AM- Minnesota somehow driving. Honestly, as a fan, I want them to lose out. I can't risk anything happening that might keep Brewster hired. My biggest fear is that they somehow win a game that they shouldn't in epic fashion and he stays employed.

10:57 AM- Get ready Moscow peeps, I'm headed your way the first weekend in November. Prepare Mikey's, the Club, and possibly Old Peking.

11:08 AM- Clemson-Miami looks like a much better game than NW-Minn. So why am I not watching it? Simply because FIRE BREWSTER. And now the Gophs are about to score to tie it up.

11:10 AM- Yeah, they tied it up.

11:12 AM- Illinois is currently leading Ohio State 10-7. Why does OSU always struggle in a conference game against a BAD team?

11:18 AM- Thank goodness OSU. Now keep it up in the second half, or I will find Terrelle Pryor and steal from you, steal from me, kill you, kill me (man I hope somebody knows what I'm talking about).

11:25 AM- Northwestern driving to hopefully break the 14-14 tie going into the half.

11:30 AM- Nope.

11:36 AM- Minnesota is in the lead 21-14 going into the half. I feel like such a jerk, but I just want Brewster gone so very much.

11:40 AM- Baylor just broke an AMAZING pass to score from their own 6. It was basically a lateral, and the blocking was outstanding. Just one of those plays that is done to absolute perfection.

11:48 AM- Pryor out for a bit with an injury. Hopefully he will be back soon. Time to see if Ohio State is a one trick pony.

12:03 PM- A light lunch took me through halftime and NW is driving after a crazy fumble recovery for 35 yards.

12:05 PM- NW scores to even it up with Minnesota. Or they would have, had they not missed the extra point.

12:11 PM- Idaho and Western Michigan just kicked off. The picture is like looking through a sheet of wax paper, and the sound quality is worse than a kindergarten music class

12:15 PM- This lull in the games seems like as good a time as any to talk about this. If you are any kind of decent person, and you are getting married, you need to listen to this. Don't schedule your wedding during the fall. It's simply rude to expect your friends and family to not watch games so that you can get hitched. There are a couple exceptions to this rule. The first is if you do it during the first two weeks of the season and there are not any major games. The second is if the wedding is in the state of Minnesota. Props to the Angry Football Best Friend, who scheduled his wedding for Memorial Day.

12:21 PM- And the WAC Sports Network loses the feed to the Idaho-WMU game. Jeez, can the WAC do anything right ever?

12:26 PM- Flip to the Minnesota game just in time to see them pick a NW TD pass.

12:30 PM- It's time. It's TIME. IT'S BEER TIME!


12:46 PM- Beer in hand, football on TV, football on radio. Life is good.

12:54 PM- Ohio State seals the game 24-13 with 2 minutes left. Of course, I'm going to keep watching, since I fully expect them to screw it up.

1:04 PM- OSU did not screw it up. That sound you hear? That is my sigh of relief.

1:06 PM- Awesome fake punt Idaho!

1:07 PM- Robb Akey has enormous testicles of pure titanium.

1:20 PM- Northwestern beating Minnesota, Ohio State winning. Big Ten is going according to plan today.

1:22 PM- Scene: AFN and AFMother are listening to Idaho game on radio, as AFFather is watching the delayed by 8 seconds broadcast upstairs.

Idaho: Touchdown
AFN and AFM: Claps
AFM: I think we're ahead of your dad
AFF: Starts clapping.
AFN and AFM: Raucous laughter

1:32 PM- Red River Shootout is imminent. No matter how bad or good both of these teams are, this is one of my favorite games of the year.

1:39 PM- Dear Idaho: i know this is contrary to your beliefs, but committing penalties is actually a bad thing.

1:46 PM- Idaho ahead at the half 17-10. And a hilarious holding penalty after a hilarious personal foul penalty against Texas keeps Oklahoma's opening drive alive.

1:51 PM- Boomer Sooner! Boomer Sooner!

1:57 PM- Apparently Oklahoma's D did something cool, I don't know I was taking a bathroom break.

2:05 PM- Oklahoma scores again and I just realized that I have access to the Michigan game, and therefore Denard Robinson.

2:16 PM- Outside of Urban Meyer, Mack Brown is the least likable coach in NCAA football. Just everything about him screams "I'm a bitter old man desperately trying to cling to glory".

2:26 PM- This seems as good a time as any to make a gin and tonic.

2:30 PM- This seems as good a time as any to make another gin and tonic. Dammit Idaho, why do you do this to me?!

2:31 PM- Ahhh, that'll stave off the malaria.

2:41 PM- Michigan is tied with indiana? This is not a thing that I am ok with.

2:48 PM- You know, when it comes down to great debates, you always have to take a side. Texas-Oklahoma, I'm on Oklahoma's side. Good-Evil, I'm on the side of good. But there is one debate that will transcend the ages, and that is Edward-Jacob. I'm firmly on Team Edward. Team Edward James Olmos, that is. Yes, it is a Battlestar Galactica joke.

3:02 PM- Oklahoma is just manhandling Texas. Manhandling them like... a manhandling... thing.

3:12 PM: Idaho with a fumble recovery putting them on the WMU 15 while up 30-13 in the 4th. Also, the Vandal Gameday flag was definitely spotted during Gameday, bringing the streak to 2. We may never beat Wazzu's streak, but we can make a good showing!

3:19 PM- Oh sweet Jesus! We are screwed! The University of Michigan commercial just aired footage of students controlling a robot. All hail our new robot overlords!

3:34 PM- This is a shout out to local Boise band Nude Oil. I can honestly say that if you like things that are awesome, they are the band for you.

3:28 PM-

3:38 PM- One of the most recent predictions I've seen for bowl season (which, lol at them in the first 2 months anyway) has Idaho against Arizona State in the Kraft Fight hunger bowl. Regardless of the outcome of that game, does Erickson leave the stadium alive? My money is on yes, but minus 2 limbs.

3:45 PM- Awesome fake punt by Texas. Pays off! I think one of the best things about football is being able to give credit to amazing play by teams you hate.

3:55 PM- Dear Michigan State: While I feel for you after the loss of your coach, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't beat Wisconsin. Thanks, AFN

3:59 PM- Sweet sack by Michigan.

4:09 PM- Tennessee-LSU, after starting off very ugly for Tenn (LSU scored on the first play), is now in the fourth with LSU up 10-7, but Tennessee just completed an amazing pass and is threatening to score.

4:24 PM- The Angry Football Father, upon watching the WSU-UCLA game, immediately referred to Neuheisal as Buttheisal.

4:28 PM- UCLA: One week we crush Texas, the next we struggle with WSU.

4:49 PM- I'm so conlficted on the ending of this Tennessee-LSU game. On one hand, I hate LSU. On the other I hate Derek Dooley.

4:51 PM- OH MY GOD! What an amazing ending! Of course a Les Miles team would fall to crappy clock management. AND NOW 12 MEN ON THE FIELD TENNESSEE!

4:53 PM- Holy crap what an ending. LSU WINS!!!!!

4:54 PM- Wow, what an assclown Dooley is. I understand being pissed after a loss like that. But to not even look Miles in the eyes as he comes to shake your hand? Grow up, jerk.

5:09 PM- And Oklahoma wins it after a muffed punt is recovered by the OU long snapper.

5:16 PM- Alright folks, I'm taking a break for dinner. be back in an hour or so.

6:27 PM- Alright, back from delicious steaks to soak up the alcohol. The night's games have started, with Bama leading Assholes 3-0, Oregon up on Stanford 3-0, USC beating UW 7-0, and Iowa probably beating Penn State by a hojillion points.

6:39 PM- Stanford looking really good against Oregon, leading 7-3. Also, a Brent Musberger lovefest about the Pistol, designed by Hall of Fame Head Coach Chris Ault of Nevada.

6:51 PM- Stanford might very well kick oregon's ass if this keeps up. And if they do, who is going to stop them? 21-3 Cardinal, and they are showing no sign of stopping.

7:05 PM- Ballsy onside works for Oregon as they recover the ball after a touchdown! 10-21 Stanford.

7:11 PM- Oregon scores again, making it 17-21. It's a shame that this game isn't the last week of the season, so we could hear debates about how they both deserve a rematch in the national championship.

8:00 PM- Alright sports fans, I'm calling this Live Blog for the day. Come back next week sometime, as I post an update on the end of the day, as well as any thoughts I feel compelled to share.

Monday, September 27, 2010

In which AFN states his Hatred of Urban Meyer: NCAA Week 4 News and Notes

Well, I think that title reveals my thoughts this week, so let's get this started.

-First, apologies for missing week 3. Not many though, because really, what could I talk about? Nevada dominating Cal? Nebraska ruining Jake Locker's future? Fire Brewster?

-Alright, I'll start in on my big rant while my blood is all angried up. Chris Rainey, Florida "star" player, was suspended recently from the team for texting an ex-girlfriend "Time to die bitch". Notice how I say suspended, not kicked off there.

Now, this goes well with Urban Meyer's comments about how he "doesn't run a dirty team." This despite 30 arrests since his arrival at UF.

Now, I'm not saying that Urban meyer is actively encouraging his players to break the law. What I am saying is that he is an asshole with zero care of discipline while his team is winning. He is an ass. An absolute ass.

You don't see other big programs having issues with things like this. You don't hear about players for Ohio State, or Oklahoma, or Texas or the like committing major crimes (every team has misdemeanor issues). You know why?

Because those coaches actually give a shit about team discipline. Meyer? Well, given how he has been reluctant to punish even acts that would count as felony assault (see the Eye Gouge incident from last year), I think it is safe to say that his players feel able to do whatever they want.

And why shouldn't they? Urban clearly will do merely the minimum. And the Florida justice system isn't a whole lot better, since Rainey's punishment is a donation of $100 to a women's protection group.

That brings up a larger point about big time football teams in general. Go ahead, move to Florida, and text an ex the same thing that Rainey did. Let me know what the jails are like.

-So, Nebraska... I don't know how they can crush Washington one week and the next struggle with an FCS team, but they found a way. I'd be more worried about how they are going to win the Big 12 South this year, but...

-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA TEXAS! How in the blue Hell do you lose to UCLA at home? How do you lose to UCLA at home that badly?

I'll tell you how. Pac-10 supremacy.

-Speaking of Big XII South, Oklahoma barely escaped against 1-3 Cincinnati. This makes the Red River Shootout next weekend (Don't EVER call it the Red River Rivalry or I will castrate you) even more of a circus than the past couple years have been.

-Notre Dame is 1-3. Also, my browser's spellcheck doesn't consider "Notre" a real word. What I am gettingat here is that ND isn't a real team.

-Oregon beat ASU pretty awesomely (Go to Hell Erickson). How cool is it that Oregon-Stanford is this weekend? Truly, Thor is smiling on us.

Heisman Ballot, Week 4

1. Denard Robinson, University of Michigan and most exciting player in NCAA football
2. Colin Kaepernick, University of Nevada
3. Ndamukong Suh (yeah, still on this bandwagon) Detroit Lions
4. Korey Bell, Capital High School
5. Nobody else but it will probably go to some crappy running back

Anyway, that's all I've got for this week. Next week, I'm not sure... Perhaps a bit of LIVEBLOGGING.

Monday, September 13, 2010

James Madison's best work since the Federalist Papers: NCAA Week 2 News and Notes

Hello sportsfans! Welcome to another exciting edition of me, the Angry Football Nerd! Lots of great stuff to talk about this week! Upsets ahoy, and the return of my Heisman ballot!

-Alright, starting with the West Virginia-Marshall game. While it would have been amazing for Marshall to win on the 40th anniversary of the plane crash as depicted in the semi-popular film "We Are Marshall" (which the AFN cried during, but I cry during all sports movies, and if you don't like that, bite me), that game perfectly showed the usual difference between big time programs and small time programs. Personally, I was cheering for the Thundering Herd, but after that comeback, WVU showed that they deserve it.

-And then came Saturday. Starting off with the Kansas-GT game.... WHAT THE HELL?! How do you lose to NORTH DAKOTA STATE (Apparently the worse of the two ND teams according to espn) and then make Georgia Tech look like fools? Kansas is probably the most two faced team this (very young) season.

-Minnesota lost to South Dakota State. This is a week after almost losing to Middle Tennessee State. Next they play USC, then northern Illinois. Then the Big Ten. Minnesota is going to go 1-11 this year. This is a reminder that they signed HC Tim Brewster to an extension last season.

-On a related note, Fire Brewster.

-USCar beat Georgia because Marcus Lattimore is going to be the Heisman runner-up this year. Oops, did I just spoil some of my Heisman Ballot? Yeah, well...

-And finally, the namesake of this week's blog update. James Madison beating Virginia Tech. At Virginia Tech. Now, again, sometimes a loss to an FCS school isn't the death knell for a program (again, see Michigan vs. Appalachian State). But in this case? Well, Starting 0-2 is a whole lot worse than starting 0-1, especially for a team that was expected to compete for the National Title. Their saving grace? The rest of the ACC doesn't look so hot. Expect Virginia Tech to go to the Orange Bowl and get beat by an at-large team pretty handily.

-Also, thanks to VT for reminding us why Monday games should be followed by a bye week, instead of even a cupcake game.

-That ragging on the ACC is deserved. How about those non-efforts from Florida State (Welcome back Oklahoma, I'm looking forward to seeing you get crushed by every big team you have the rest of this year) and Miami? Granted, Miami would have probably fared better if Jacory Harris (oddly enough, my spellcheck doesn't recognize Jacory as a word) hadn't thrown somewhere in the neighborhood of a trillion interceptions. But really, for all the ragging on the Big Ten, it looks like the ACC deserves it more this year.

-Notre Dame-Michigan. First off, a moment of silence for those of us who were unable to stomach the NBC announcers. Hint idiots: If you flat out call someone on one of the teams terrible, you are biased enough that you should lose your job. Anyway! So, how awesome is Denard Robinson, QB for Michigan? He is so awesome that he personally has more yards this season than 80+ teams. That awesome. As of right now, the scale is no longer 1 to 10. It is Virginia Tech to Denard Robinson.

-Well, Alabama and Penn State went about exactly how it was predicted to go. Thankfully, there were no injuries. Funnily enough, if you replace "Alabama and Penn State" with "Nebraska and Idaho", this section still applies, saving me valuable Jets watching time.

-What is Oregon's deal? They go to Knoxville, play like a junior high team (a decent junior high team, to be sure) in the first half, then come out at halftime and absolutely explode with talent and plays. I don't know if I should put them as a lock for the Pac-10 crown, or a lock for the middle of the Pac (see what I did there?).

-Speaking of Pac-10, how bad is WSU? So bad that they need a comeback on the last drive to win by 1. Against Montana State. Which begs the question, what would have happened if they played Montana? My guess? COMEDY! And something like a 49-7 loss for the Cougars.

-Also, you know who is scary? Actual Cougars. Am I talking about the large feral cat, or middle aged women at bars? Both, my friends, both.

-Fire Brewster

-Stanford is going to be a legitimate threat for a long time. You heard it here first, folks (assuming that you haven't listened to or watched ESPN in the past two year).

-So, how screwed is USC? Sure, they are 2-0. After letting Hawaii put 600 yards on them in week one and squeaking by Virginia 17-14 week two. Is Lane Kiffin the worst BCS team coach? Well, no, but that is only because Tim Brewster is still employed. Granted, going to Minnesota SHOULD help, but despite my earlier prediction of the Gophers going 1-11, somehow beating USC wouldn't surprise me. And would also ensure that Brewster is still employed come this time three seasons from now. Anyway, USC is looking at the bottom half of the Pac-10 this year.


1. Denard Robinson
2. Marcus Lattimore
3. Terrele Pryor
4. Ndamukong Suh (if they give Reggie Bush's Heisman to Vince Young, then they should absolutely do this)
5. Bryan McMartin

Alright angry football fans, that is all for this week. You know the drill by this point: same time next week. E-mails go to for a timely (NOT) response.

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

If I may be serious for a moment

There is a plague in college football. No, it isn't Lou Holth's marble mouth, or Mark May's... Mark May. It isn't idiot commentators who try to make mountains out of molehills and only care about the ratings. It isn't zebras who throw the flag at the slightest provocation (You dare to be happy after a touchdown? 15 yards!).

It isn't even the BCS (saving that one for later this season).

No, it is the NCAA.

The NCAA is actively doing what it can to hurt college football, all under the guise of helping. Let's discuss this on the basis of a couple cases.

1. USC and Reggie Bush

Now, yes, I am far from unbiased. But, I'm going to approach this as calmly and rationally as I can.

So, Reggie Bush took money and benefits while a student-athlete at USC. This is a clear violation of the rules.

So, naturally, we should punish the current coaches and players. Since they are the ones who dared to be there while this stuff was happening years ago, right? I mean, Matt Barkley definitely knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that a player who was there while he was in junior high and high school was doing something unbecoming of a student athlete! It only makes sense to ban him for two years from the postseason (as well as every other player on the team). And hey, why the hell not? Let's take away scholarships so that some kids can't go to college and better their lives (A reduction of scholarships at ANY school has a domino effect). All because something that happened long ago was bad.

2. Jeremiah Masoli and AJ Green, with a side of Dez Bryant

Ahhhhhhhhh, Jeremiah Masoli. Now, here is a good, upstanding citizen. He deserves to have a continued career in college and then the NFL. All he did was rob some people and run from the police! Boys will be boys.

AJ Green, on the other hand, is pure scum. How dare he sell a jersey of his! That rat bastard! The only people who deserve to make money off of AJ Green's hard work are the University of Georgia and the NCAA!

Dez Bryant? Dinner at the same location as an agent?! What a jerk! How could he even think that this is remotely ok?

Clearly, in the eyes of the NCAA, it is much better to ROB AND FLEE FROM JUSTICE than it is for an agent to (potentially) buy you a hamburger, or to make a couple extra bucks selling something that only has worth because of you.

I could go on like this, but I'm getting hungry, so I'll be wrapping it up. The NCAA is actively doing the wrong thing. It is harming players, coaches, and teams that are merely bystanders (Hey idiots! MAKE BUSH PAY THE MONEY BACK!) to circumstances beyond their control. And they are doing it with a smile on their face, all the while assuring us that it is "for the best."

Should we pay college athletes? That is a debate for another day (but yes, they should). Should we punish athletes for preparing for their future while in college (imagine if they told you that you or your child couldn't talk to an adviser at any point during their collegiate career)?

It doesn't take a lot to see where I stand on these topics.

What about you?

Monday, September 6, 2010

We finally made it! NCAA Week 1 news and notes

We are finally here, sportsfans. We made it through the darkness of the offseason, which saw multiple NCAA sanctions handed down to various programs (more on that later), the most awesome Fulmer Cup in recent memory (Congrats Georgia!), and a conference apocalypse tease that ended up seeing nothing like what we all wanted happening. But, you've all already read about that, so let's just get to the games!

-Idaho opened the season at home for the first time in years, and absolutely slaughtered North Dakota 45-0 (which was the same score the last time the two met). There were a couple issues, namely the O-Line needing to stop being made out of wet tissue paper and getting called multiple times for encroachment (which is, in fact, the dumbest penalty that you can commit). Of course, since next week sees the Vandals at Nebraska, who knows what this could mean for the season. Personally, I'm just hoping for no injuries.

-USC and Hawaii was pretty interesting. We all know that going to the island tends to mess with teams a bit. But messing with you to the point where a WAC team puts up 600 yards on you? Yeeeeeesh. That should be "fun" for USC in conference play.

-Arizona killed Toledo Friday night. This isn't notable, except for one little thing. Last year, Toledo beat Colorado handily. And somehow, Dan Hawkins is still employed by CU.

-Speaking of CU, the annual game against Colorado State was Saturday. Nothing of note, except this little tidbit. Before it was announced that Cody Hawkins would not be starting for CU, the spread was in CSU's favor by 14 points. After that announcement? It swung the other way. Interesting how when Hawkins didn't start his son, people suddenly viewed his team as legitimately decent.

-Penn State started a true freshman at quarterback, which lead to a shakey first half. Honestly, it looked like Youngstown State might pull off the upset. And then suddenly, with a couple minutes left in the 2nd, PSU found their groove. Will they be able to survive the rest of the season, including a trip to Alabama next Saturday? Who knows. But their chances are definitely looking a little bit better after that second half.

-I'm not going to cover the variety of blowouts by OSU, Florida State, Miami, Bama et al. Individually at least. I will address their scheduling in a rant in a bit.

- TCU status: Still really good.

-Fresno State beat Cincy pretty easily. Cincy, who had an 18 game regular season winning streak. Seriously, the Big East is a BCS conference, why?

On Schedules and Week One

So, with most of week one behind us, we have seen the two different styles of scheduling that are most prominent in FBS football. There is the cupcake game, like Idaho having UND come visit (holy crap does it feel good to say that). Then, there is the marquee game, like Oregon State-TCU. Both have advantages and disadvantages.

Advantages of a cupcake game:
-Time to work out any kinks that may appear in a relatively safe environment.
-Mental boost from starting the season with a W, which can be quite powerful.

Disadvantages of a cupcake game:
-If you lose you are screwed in perception for the rest of the season, no matter how things actually turn out. For example, do you remember what happened to Michigan the year Appalachian State beat them at home in the season opener? Most people’s answer: They went 3-9. Actual answer: They beat the University of Florida Fightin Tebow’s in the Sun Bowl. So, not the best thing, but not nearly as bad as what people think.
-The mental block of knowing that a team you should have manhandled beat you. Only time will tell how Kansas and Ole Miss will recover from their losses to FCS teams.

Advantages of a marquee game:
-Exposure. This goes even more for neutral location games. You can’t tell me that Oregon State didn’t impress some Texas recruits, even if they lost.
-Money. Does this really need to be elaborated on?

Disadvantages of a Marquee game:
-Loss of positive perception if you are one of the later day games. Read some football forums right now. People hate both VT and BSU, purely because they have been having them shoved down their throats every five minutes. Granted, this is a pretty minor problem, since it self-corrects within 6 days.
-Hope your team is ready for the season from day one, because you have absolutely no time to work out any problems during the game. This can be a very bad situation, especially if you are/were a potential NC contender.
So, there are convincing reasons for both scheduling types, and really, there is no right answer for any individual team. Personally, I love the couple of great games we get each year to balance out the POWERHOUSE VERSUS EAST ASSHOLE MISSOURI. Of course, it is a lot more fun when EAM beats the powerhouse…

Anyway, that’s all for this week. Look forward to next week, when the most amazing day of football in recent memory happens. PS: Don’t call me, I’m not answering from 10 AM-11 PM.

Friday, August 20, 2010

I would hate to be Brian Murphy's child

The Location: The Home of Brian Murphy, Sports"writer" for the Idaho Statesman.

The Time: Christmas Eve

Son: Merry Christmas, Papa!

BM: Why is it so merry?

Son: Papa? What's wrong? Why do you look like a broken husk of a man?

BM: Well, I wrote a wretched article a few months ago.

Son: Well Papa, I would think you would be used to that by now! What was so bad about this one?

BM: You see, back during round 2 of the college football conference apocalypse, I talked about the University of Idaho, and I said some pretty stupid things.

Son: Like what Papa?

BM: Well, I started ripping into their AD and the President of the University for showing optimism. They were trying to make the most of an admittedly crappy situation, and I compared them to all sorts of things. I also managed to find it in my "talent" to make fun of elementary students and their accomplishments. Basically, I wrote like a world class jackass.

Son: Oh, I see... Well, at least Santa is coming tonight!

BM: Santa isn't real, idiot. Stop trying to be happy!

Alright, I think I've made my point here. But, in the style of Brain Murphy, let me belabor it a bit more.

Murphy wrote a terrible article. I'm not going to link to it here, since that would require going to the Idaho Statesman website and I accidentally already did that earlier today. Where I read the comments on this article. Which included a U of I fan saying "Good luck to the Broncos in the MWC" and being ripped apart by the next three posters. But I digress.

Anyway, the point of the article was essentially what my delightful little one-man play above was about (coming to theaters this Winter, starring a hobo on the street corner). Murphy was tearing apart Idaho and the administration for trying to put a happy face on a terrible situation. He also found it within his large self (I am assuming, from the headshot that appears next to his articles, that he is a big fat dude) to mock elementary students.

This is the part that really pisses me off, and I am going to focus on for the rest of this update. Because frankly, the rest of the article isn't worth my (or your) time. He said that "winning a championship in the new WAC is like winning the fifth grade three-legged race. Here's your ribbon. What next?"

Clearly, Mr. Murphy, you have never been around children. Stuff like that? It IS a big deal to them. You have never seen a child's face light up when they accomplish the achievements that must seem minor to such a distinguished athlete such as yourself.

Last Spring, I had the fortune to attend a couple of track meets. At one of them, a student did something amazing. He managed to finish third in his race (and before you and your hatred of good try to ruin this, there were more than three students racing). He had never even come close to the top previously. And he clutched that ribbon like it was his most prized possession. So what if it wasn't the almighty Fiesta Bowl trophy? To him it was as good as.

Mr. Murphy (and I'm forcing myself to use Mr. here, as there are several other things I would rather call you, but I promised my mother I would cut back on the potty mouth this season), go ahead and mock the University of Idaho. Go ahead and expose yourself for the ignorant, character-less ass that you are. Hell, go ahead and make fun of me in an article, since that seems to be what you and your audience lap up, and we all know that making it big as a writer in Boise is one step away from Pulitzers. I'm not a violent person by nature, although I might beat you at Street Fighter.

But if you ever, and I do mean EVER mock elementary students again for their accomplishments, well... I'm willing to give violence a chance.

Saturday, July 31, 2010

Nasty and Inebriated

Well, I'm back. After an offseason that saw me swear to never update again, due to a real life event depicting the power of the internet in the hands of batshit insane people, I have decided to break my silence. On what, you are probably (not) asking yourself?

Why, none other than the comments made by Boise State President Bob Kustra regarding the University of Idaho!

Well, to start with, I'm not going to type them out here. You can easily find them, as outside of Oregon losing their entire starting lineup for the next three years due to criminal activity, it has been a slow offseason. Suffice to say, the title of this entry made an appearance in his comments, in regards to the University of Idaho fanbase.

Hey, Whiny Bob! Guess what? To make things easy for you, I am going to make a list of all the rivalries in the history of college football that have seen fans be "mean and nasty" to their opponents.

Oh, I'm not actually going to make that list. You want to know why, faithful reader? I'll let you in on a little secret that Crybobby doesn't want you to know....

Literally EVERY SINGLE RIVALRY EVER has fans like that.

Yes, it's true. Despite What About Bob's insistence that the nationwide rivalries (side note: read his comments again, I'll wait. Focus on what rivalries he talks about, and figure out why it is so funny that he said nationwide. Give up? Theyre all Big-12) he has seen are nothing like this, I promise you that any fan of any team ever will agree that that is how rivalries work.

Now, it isn't all bad. Every single Boise State alumni/student/professor that I have had contact with since Kryin' Kustra's remarks were made public has disagreed with him overwhelmingly. This includes his quarterback Horseface Moore saying on the local news that he thinks it should continue.

Of course, Whiny McWhinesalot's biggest gripe was that U of I fans mock BSU's academics. This is interesting to me. Because, during my graduation from BSU (that's right angryfootballfans, I actually graduated from that school), the Petulant President himself gave a speech. Now, usually at college graduations, when the head honcho talks, they focus on academics.

Rude Robert, however, mentioned academics a whopping 0 times. This is because he had to fit in his 4 references to the football team and the Fiesta Bowl. I mean, this does make sense, because the total number of football players (recognizable ones, anyway) that were graduating was far larger than the numbers of non football players. Assuming, of course, that the one player graduating was literally the only graduate. But I have a sheet of paper not two feet from me that proves otherwise. And some of you might think "Well, there is no way he actually counted those references," my response to you is that you don't know me very well.

Hey Kustra (and you can tell I'm serious because I'm using your real name here), I'm going to offer some free advice. When you yourself are basically disregarding academics, it looks absurd when you whine about someone else making fun of them. Maybe next time you could talk about something besides football. But then, I guess that would require your school to give money to something besides football, and we all know that isn't happening.

I could go on for hours (and I have with several people in real life), but instead, I'm just going to make a quick point here, since I'm running out of clever nicknames for President Tears.

The hypocrisy inherent in bitching for years about "All these schools aren't scheduling us because they say they have nothing to gain" and then turning around and refusing to play your in-state rival like a three year old not wanting to take a nap is hilarious.

Of course, I guess I shouldn't complain too much, since Kustra throwing away what goodwill people felt towards BSU (and if you don't believe this, you haven't read any o the myriad espn/SI articles about this) makes my job a whole lot more entertaining.

Anyway, that's all I'm going to say on this matter. Soon, I will have a season preview up, complete with some conference and bowl game predictions! Look forward to it, angryfootballfans!

Like the article? Hate the article? Feel free to e-mail me at where I will ignore your comments for months at a time!