Well, seeing as how the Boise media/internet is in an uproar over Johnson and Childs not getting drafted, I thought I might add a comment.
You're an idiot.
Yes, you, person complaining that people from other WAC schools got drafted. You are a full on moron. I wonder how you are capable of getting dressed in the morning. I wonder how you have managed to not poke an eye out with your toothbrush. I wonder how you manage to stop your car at a red light. I wonder how you haven't been fired yet. Basically, I wonder how you have managed to somehow, despite all odds being against you, actually survive long enough to pen a semi-coherent response on the internerd about your beloved former Broncos getting "ignored" in the draft, while players from other WAC schools got picked up throughout the weekend. Since I am, by nature, altruistic, I cam going to explain this for you. Were we in person, I would use exaggerated hand gestures and speak loudly, but since this is text only, my explanation will have to do.
Let's begin with a quiz:
You are in charge of picking players for your NFL team in the draft. Your team has desperate needs at the LB and S positions. It is currently your last pick. Who do you select?
A) A LB or S
B) Ian Johnson
C) Jeremy Childs
D) Sacrifice your first, second, and third round picks in next years draft to get B and C
Chances are, you idiots who are complaining picked something other than A. Now, I know this is a difficult concept for you to grasp, but A was actually the correct answer! As it turns out, teams tend to pick what they need, and not players who are more famous for their off the field actions**.
Johnson is going to the Vikings to sit behind Adrian Peterson for a while (and please, don't degrade yourself by making a Fiesta Bowl comment here, as anybody with two brain cells to rub together is going to start the Peterson over Johnson). Childs is going to the Chargers where I am guessing he will be cut before the season starts. Be happy they are getting the chance at all. Most football players don't.
*This isn't directed at anybody reading this more than likely. Just at the reaction on the Idahostatesman.com site and ktvb.com. Those two websites are where brain cells go to die.
**Like it or not, Ian Johnson will always be mentioned as the guy who proposed after winning the Fiesta Bowl. That's the downside of doing something memorable- you get remembered for it.
Sunday, April 26, 2009
Draft Wrap-UP
Hello to my tens of readers, and welcome to this special Draft edition of the AngryFootballNerd. I don't normally cover the NFL (it tends to be less exciting than College), but figured I would make an exception for the draft, what with it involving college players. Not a ton to discuss, just some stupidity and hilarity on the parts of some of the teams and the hopeful draftees. So, let's get underway!
-To the surprise of possible the blind and deaf, the Lions took Georgia QB Mark Stafford with the number 1 pick in the draft. Now, normally, you would think that being drafted by a team that just lost every single game last season would not be cause to smile. However, the Lions offered Stafford 75 millionish good reasons to keep a grin on his pasty mug. And so begins the greatest rebuilding project in sports history.
-Mark Sanchez was aquired by the Jets, accounting for 33.33333333333...% of their draft picks (seriously, they drafted three players). I was personally hoping he would go to the Seahwaks, so that I could still follow his career (I'll be damned if I'm going to look up NFL news online). Thankfully, he's following Brett Favre, so it isn't like the expectations are too high for him to reach. Seriously Favre, why did you un-retire?
-My childhood favorite 49ers lucked out when the Raiders took Darrius Hayward-Beys from Maryland over Crabtree. Firstly, to the Niners I say that you should probably send a gift to Al Davis, since he sent you the perfect present. To Davis I say only "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" I saw Hayward-Beys play in the Humanitarian Bowl (and had the pleasure of breifly meeting his mother), and he is a good player. But your 40 time isn't everything. Of course, only time will tell who got the better end of this deal. Right now, it looks like the 49ers...
-Pushing aside the travesty that is Rey Malualuga getting pushed to the second round, let's move on to the later rounds. Specifically, round 7, where Idaho's Eddie WIlliams was drafted. Now, this isn't a huge deal, except for one thing. Local "surefire" draft picks Ian Johnson and Jeremy Childs were not drafted. In Johnson's defense, he never made any comments that make him deserving of my ire. Hell, I was even kind of hoping that he would get picked up (which he probably will). But Childs is a Class A (Class Less?) Douchebag.
Hint to Jeremy: You said that it would be "the best thing for my daughter and my girlfriend if I enter the draft now" (paraphrasing). Who told you that you would be getting drafted? Or did you just mispronounce "Jeremy Childs" when you said daughter and girlfriend?
This is a guy who has been in academic trouble, and hasn't exactly set the recieving world on fire in a conference controlled entirely by his team. He will be lucky to be on an NFL team, come the start of the season.
Well, that wraps this up. Sadly, we need to part ways until the start of the season. So, unless something big happens between now and then (JoePa blowing a servo and needing to go into the shop, Pete Carroll miraculously ascending into the heavens, the Idaho Statesman NOT sucking off every move that BSU football makes), it's goodbye.
Don't forget, if you feel the need to tell me how much I rock/suck, I can be reached at angryfootballnerd@gmail.com
-To the surprise of possible the blind and deaf, the Lions took Georgia QB Mark Stafford with the number 1 pick in the draft. Now, normally, you would think that being drafted by a team that just lost every single game last season would not be cause to smile. However, the Lions offered Stafford 75 millionish good reasons to keep a grin on his pasty mug. And so begins the greatest rebuilding project in sports history.
-Mark Sanchez was aquired by the Jets, accounting for 33.33333333333...% of their draft picks (seriously, they drafted three players). I was personally hoping he would go to the Seahwaks, so that I could still follow his career (I'll be damned if I'm going to look up NFL news online). Thankfully, he's following Brett Favre, so it isn't like the expectations are too high for him to reach. Seriously Favre, why did you un-retire?
-My childhood favorite 49ers lucked out when the Raiders took Darrius Hayward-Beys from Maryland over Crabtree. Firstly, to the Niners I say that you should probably send a gift to Al Davis, since he sent you the perfect present. To Davis I say only "WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" I saw Hayward-Beys play in the Humanitarian Bowl (and had the pleasure of breifly meeting his mother), and he is a good player. But your 40 time isn't everything. Of course, only time will tell who got the better end of this deal. Right now, it looks like the 49ers...
-Pushing aside the travesty that is Rey Malualuga getting pushed to the second round, let's move on to the later rounds. Specifically, round 7, where Idaho's Eddie WIlliams was drafted. Now, this isn't a huge deal, except for one thing. Local "surefire" draft picks Ian Johnson and Jeremy Childs were not drafted. In Johnson's defense, he never made any comments that make him deserving of my ire. Hell, I was even kind of hoping that he would get picked up (which he probably will). But Childs is a Class A (Class Less?) Douchebag.
Hint to Jeremy: You said that it would be "the best thing for my daughter and my girlfriend if I enter the draft now" (paraphrasing). Who told you that you would be getting drafted? Or did you just mispronounce "Jeremy Childs" when you said daughter and girlfriend?
This is a guy who has been in academic trouble, and hasn't exactly set the recieving world on fire in a conference controlled entirely by his team. He will be lucky to be on an NFL team, come the start of the season.
Well, that wraps this up. Sadly, we need to part ways until the start of the season. So, unless something big happens between now and then (JoePa blowing a servo and needing to go into the shop, Pete Carroll miraculously ascending into the heavens, the Idaho Statesman NOT sucking off every move that BSU football makes), it's goodbye.
Don't forget, if you feel the need to tell me how much I rock/suck, I can be reached at angryfootballnerd@gmail.com
Friday, March 27, 2009
HOLY SHIT AN UPDATE!!!!
Hello, loyal readers! You probably thought I would abandon you during the off-season. Well, shows what you know! There have been a few events in recent times that merit my discussion, namely Florida doing something laughable and BSU releasing their out of conference schedule. I could touch on minor events, like Andre Smith being probably the dumbest player alive (who in the hell leaves the scouting combine early, especially after you weren’t allowed to play in a bowl game?). But, I don’t feel like it. So, enjoy this abbreviated version of my NCAA reviews!
-So, remember when Florida lost to Ole Miss? If you don’t (and you shouldn’t feel bad if you don’t, because remember that Tim Tebow makes you a better person just by being near him), allow me to refresh your memory. Down by one, Florida ran a QB keeper with little time left on 4th and 1, which Ole Miss stopped, thereby ensuring that Florida would not have a perfect season. After the game, Tebow gave an incredibly weepy speech (seriously, he was crying), where he said that nobody will play harder, or do more, than Florida that season. Now, I have no issues with that speech. That’s a great thing to do after you get beat by a team that you have no business losing to, plus, it clearly worked.
So, what do I have an issue with? Florida has decided to put this speech on a plaque and hang it on the campus. Right now. Not after he graduates. Now. Does that seem a little excessive to everybody else? Hopefully, Tebow will actually live up to the lofty expectations set by every single person in the nation, and show a little humility in this matter by requesting they take it down. They can put it up after he leaves, I (and much of the football watching nation, even Florida fans) would have no problem with that. But leaving it up while he is still there? I mean sure, we all know he is, by far, the most important part of their team. But to outright let every single other player on the team be reminded of that every second they are on campus? Not the best of ideas.
-So, BSU’s OOC schedule came out today. Featuring the powerhouse Oregon being the home opener, the schedule does lack something.
ANY FUCKING SEMBLENCE OF A CHALLENGE.
UC Davis? Miami of Ohio? Bowling Green? Tulsa? Not to mention the fact that the WAC is the second weakest conference in the nation (and if the Sun Belt can have a team almost beat LSU, this is in question).
Seriously, BSU better pray to the BCS gods that they beat Oregon. Because if they don’t, the chance they have of making a BCS Bowl next season is up there with me caring about Dancing with the Stars. Almost zero (I can’t help it if Shawn Johnson is a smoking hottie).
This affords me the opportunity to bring up another point that I made in one of my rants last season. A non-BCS team should, under no circumstances, make a BCS bowl if their schedule includes any team from a lower division. Originally, I said a non-BCS team for OOC, but I realized that was both harsh and reduces the chance of Utah/BYU beating BSU in a few years.
When you think about it, it makes sense. On one hand, you have USC, who was the only team to play only BCS opponents in every single game. They lose one game, to a very good Oregon State team who came within a field goal of going 11-2 (don’t forget their “exciting” win over Pitt in the Boring Bowl!). The big win in their OOC scheduling would be Ohio State (which, if going by scoring, should have accounted for somewhere in the neighborhood of tens wins). They also beat the entireity of the Pac-10 save Oregon State, which, for being a conference on a “down” year, did a tremendous job of winning all of their bowl games. On the other hand, you have a BSU team with a decent win over an injured Oregon team (not to mention one of the worst cheap shots I have ever seen on a quarterback, and if you don’t agree with this you literally have no soul), and absolutely nothing else.
Granted, it isn’t BSU’s fault that the WAC is pathetic. Certainly, they are doing nothing wrong with winning by thirty plus points (they are doing something wrong with acting like it is impressive). But, let’s say that Oregon State beat Oregon (and, for ease of discussion purposes, Utah as well). Who is more deserving of an at-large bid to a major game? USC, who had one bad half all season and slaughtered the rest of the good to excellent competition? Or BSU, who went undefeated through a schedule that most high schools in Texas and California could have sleepwalked through?
My point is, BSU (and any other mid-major with insulting schedules like this) are only hurting themselves in the long run. It may provide an easy way to a BCS bowl the next couple seasons, but eventually, pollsters are going to realize that a bulldozer beating a field of tulips isn’t that impressive, even if the tulips couldn’t make a dent in the bulldozer.
SHORTS:
-Did KTVB really think they were fooling anybody when they announced that BSU signed the “number one quarterback from California”? He signed with USC. I can’t remember his name, or high school. I just remember that he signed with USC (whenever they get a good player, the rest of the internet whines with the fury of a thousand suns).
-Ian Johnson and the draft: Possible late second day pick, more probably sign with someone after the draft. Goes on to a mostly unspectacular, but incredibly solid career. This is not an insult. 99.9% of the NFL doesn’t have a spectacular career. Lots of them don’t even have a solid one.
-Jeremy Childs and the draft: If he gets drafted I will actually buy a BSU shirt and wear it for a day. If he makes a team, actually makes one and doesn’t just sign up for one then get cut during the middle of the summer (also known as pulling a Zabransky), I will be very surprised.
Way too Early pre-season predictions:
-National championship: Texas-Florida (Florida wins)
-Rose Bowl: USC-Ohio State/Penn State/Iowa. No, not one of those. All three at once. It is the only way to keep the Big Ten in that game.
-Idaho will win 4 games.
-Tebow will be caught with a hooker mid-coitus. He will say that he was merely talking Christianity with her. Every sportscaster will believe him.
-The game that USC loses, preventing them from going to the national title game even though it won’t be a bad loss and both Texas and Florida will have a worse loss: Oregon.
-My liver status by season’s end: barely functioning.
-BCS “Buster”- Nobody. All the mid-majors either defeat themselves (in the case of Utah/BYU/TCU cannibalizing each other) or lose their one marquee game (BSU beaten by Oregon).
-I will update next: probably with the draft.
-So, remember when Florida lost to Ole Miss? If you don’t (and you shouldn’t feel bad if you don’t, because remember that Tim Tebow makes you a better person just by being near him), allow me to refresh your memory. Down by one, Florida ran a QB keeper with little time left on 4th and 1, which Ole Miss stopped, thereby ensuring that Florida would not have a perfect season. After the game, Tebow gave an incredibly weepy speech (seriously, he was crying), where he said that nobody will play harder, or do more, than Florida that season. Now, I have no issues with that speech. That’s a great thing to do after you get beat by a team that you have no business losing to, plus, it clearly worked.
So, what do I have an issue with? Florida has decided to put this speech on a plaque and hang it on the campus. Right now. Not after he graduates. Now. Does that seem a little excessive to everybody else? Hopefully, Tebow will actually live up to the lofty expectations set by every single person in the nation, and show a little humility in this matter by requesting they take it down. They can put it up after he leaves, I (and much of the football watching nation, even Florida fans) would have no problem with that. But leaving it up while he is still there? I mean sure, we all know he is, by far, the most important part of their team. But to outright let every single other player on the team be reminded of that every second they are on campus? Not the best of ideas.
-So, BSU’s OOC schedule came out today. Featuring the powerhouse Oregon being the home opener, the schedule does lack something.
ANY FUCKING SEMBLENCE OF A CHALLENGE.
UC Davis? Miami of Ohio? Bowling Green? Tulsa? Not to mention the fact that the WAC is the second weakest conference in the nation (and if the Sun Belt can have a team almost beat LSU, this is in question).
Seriously, BSU better pray to the BCS gods that they beat Oregon. Because if they don’t, the chance they have of making a BCS Bowl next season is up there with me caring about Dancing with the Stars. Almost zero (I can’t help it if Shawn Johnson is a smoking hottie).
This affords me the opportunity to bring up another point that I made in one of my rants last season. A non-BCS team should, under no circumstances, make a BCS bowl if their schedule includes any team from a lower division. Originally, I said a non-BCS team for OOC, but I realized that was both harsh and reduces the chance of Utah/BYU beating BSU in a few years.
When you think about it, it makes sense. On one hand, you have USC, who was the only team to play only BCS opponents in every single game. They lose one game, to a very good Oregon State team who came within a field goal of going 11-2 (don’t forget their “exciting” win over Pitt in the Boring Bowl!). The big win in their OOC scheduling would be Ohio State (which, if going by scoring, should have accounted for somewhere in the neighborhood of tens wins). They also beat the entireity of the Pac-10 save Oregon State, which, for being a conference on a “down” year, did a tremendous job of winning all of their bowl games. On the other hand, you have a BSU team with a decent win over an injured Oregon team (not to mention one of the worst cheap shots I have ever seen on a quarterback, and if you don’t agree with this you literally have no soul), and absolutely nothing else.
Granted, it isn’t BSU’s fault that the WAC is pathetic. Certainly, they are doing nothing wrong with winning by thirty plus points (they are doing something wrong with acting like it is impressive). But, let’s say that Oregon State beat Oregon (and, for ease of discussion purposes, Utah as well). Who is more deserving of an at-large bid to a major game? USC, who had one bad half all season and slaughtered the rest of the good to excellent competition? Or BSU, who went undefeated through a schedule that most high schools in Texas and California could have sleepwalked through?
My point is, BSU (and any other mid-major with insulting schedules like this) are only hurting themselves in the long run. It may provide an easy way to a BCS bowl the next couple seasons, but eventually, pollsters are going to realize that a bulldozer beating a field of tulips isn’t that impressive, even if the tulips couldn’t make a dent in the bulldozer.
SHORTS:
-Did KTVB really think they were fooling anybody when they announced that BSU signed the “number one quarterback from California”? He signed with USC. I can’t remember his name, or high school. I just remember that he signed with USC (whenever they get a good player, the rest of the internet whines with the fury of a thousand suns).
-Ian Johnson and the draft: Possible late second day pick, more probably sign with someone after the draft. Goes on to a mostly unspectacular, but incredibly solid career. This is not an insult. 99.9% of the NFL doesn’t have a spectacular career. Lots of them don’t even have a solid one.
-Jeremy Childs and the draft: If he gets drafted I will actually buy a BSU shirt and wear it for a day. If he makes a team, actually makes one and doesn’t just sign up for one then get cut during the middle of the summer (also known as pulling a Zabransky), I will be very surprised.
Way too Early pre-season predictions:
-National championship: Texas-Florida (Florida wins)
-Rose Bowl: USC-Ohio State/Penn State/Iowa. No, not one of those. All three at once. It is the only way to keep the Big Ten in that game.
-Idaho will win 4 games.
-Tebow will be caught with a hooker mid-coitus. He will say that he was merely talking Christianity with her. Every sportscaster will believe him.
-The game that USC loses, preventing them from going to the national title game even though it won’t be a bad loss and both Texas and Florida will have a worse loss: Oregon.
-My liver status by season’s end: barely functioning.
-BCS “Buster”- Nobody. All the mid-majors either defeat themselves (in the case of Utah/BYU/TCU cannibalizing each other) or lose their one marquee game (BSU beaten by Oregon).
-I will update next: probably with the draft.
Friday, January 9, 2009
2008 Season Wrap-Up
Hello sports fans, and welcome to my season ending entry in my “popular” series of blogs. Lots to discuss, it was a pretty good bowl season, as well as some off-season announcement and hiring (no bullshit) considering this blog itself. I’m not going to discuss every single bowl. Does anybody really care that much about Fresno State-Colorado State? The answer, of course, is no. So, without further bullshitting, here comes the pain!
-BYU managed to completely fuck up my bowl picks from day one by not beating Arizona. Seriously though, this one is my fault. I should have guessed that a team that lost its only two contests of any value during the season (TCU and Utah) would drop its bowl game to an improving Arizona.
-Did anybody else see the worlds most horrific injury in the Southern Miss-Troy matchup? A WR for Southern Miss… well…. Here, do this instead. Hold your arm out as stretch as you can. Now bend it at a 90 degree angle at the elbow. That is what his SHIN did. On nothing. He wasn’t hit. The turf just fucked him up. Apparently, from what I’ve heard, he is on track to make an excellent recovery, and could play next season. Hopefully he will. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. Yeah, that’s a lie. I would.
-Ahhhhh, the Poinsettia Bowl. Now, I missed most of this game, instead being on a party bus celebrating a friend graduating from Nevada (more on those jerks later). What was great was getting off just in time to see BSU lose the game on a trick play. HINT TO PLAYCALLERS EVERYWHERE: If there is something you always pull out in a certain situation, say, a trick play at the end of a bowl game, you should probably stop. It makes it a lot easier for your opponents. Anyway, from what I’ve heard, great game all around.
-The Hawaii Bowl featured the second most annoying commentary of all time, with a group of chucklefucks that could not, no matter how hard they tried, stop jerking off Notre Dame Quarterback Jimmy “Santa” Clausen (their nickname, as I am not that stupid). Seriously, if a blind man were watching (harharhar) the game, he would assume that Clausen had apparently cured every disease known to man with his miraculous throwing. Of course, not mentioned was the fact that this game was played against HAWAII. So, I offer some advice to every broadcaster out there. Don’t pretend like a team from the WAC that doesn’t rhyme with Moise Mate is legitimate competition. The only ones who would listen to you are the die-hard fans of their opposition, and they are already so far in that it doesn’t matter what you say. Morons.
-Florida State is well on their way to becoming a threat nationally. After dismantling Wisconsin 42-13, people better lookout for them. Funny story about this game, I was napping on the couch during it. I would wake up every 5 minutes or so, and whenever I did, FSU’s score went up by a touchdown. Ok, that wasn’t so much funny as it was stupid and boring.
-Cal beat Miami, which was fun for everybody. It was a good, close game. I don’t have anything clever to say about it, I just wanted to mention that a PAC-10 team won another bowl game. This is important for something later.
-Louisiana Tech would go on to prove me correct in my pre-bowl assessment that they would be the only WAC team to win a bowl game this year. This gives me great personal pleasure. It’s not as if I’m a die-hard La. Tech fan or anything, I just like being right about unimportant shit.
-Mizzou, pre-season contenders, beat shitty Northwestern in overtime. Chase “Interceptron 3000” Daniels did his best to ruin it for Mizzou by throwing somewhere around 18000 interceptions. Sadly for him, the rest of his team was way too good to fall for that. After this game, I would go to discover the joys of playing Big Buck Hunter at a bar (they are many).
-So, how about Nevada in bowl games? They certainly are becoming a mini-Oklahoma. That isn’t fair. But it kind of is. Although, this game (which I attended in person) certainly did prove that Nevada can’t win with me in the audience. My bad, Wolf Pack.
-Oregon convincingly beat OkSU. It also featured a hit that I am sure OkSU QB Zac Robinson is still feeling, because it was one of those that even the announcers pause a bit for. Also, keep track, because this is another PAC-10 bowl win.
-Vanderbilt beat BC by the almost Baseballesque score of 16-14. Yay Vandy?
-That same day, Kansas devastated a much improved but still shitty Minnesota team, 42-21. All credit to the Gophers for going from 1-11 to 7-6. But losing that badly? Wow… Especially when, all things considered, KU was a fairly mediocre team this year.
-Oregon State somehow managed to beat Pitt. It was a wonderful game, feature lots of great offense, stopped by two stifling defenses. Actually, no, that’s a lie. Both teams kept fucking up. This is evidenced by the final score of 3-0. Hey guys? Even Washington could score points this year.
-The Orange Bowl happened. Did you watch it? I did, until I was put into a sandwich related coma. This is due in part to…
-THE ROSE BOWL! USC beat Penn STTTTTTAAAAAAATTTTTEEEEEEE 38-24. But don’t let that score fool you; the game wasn’t close. USC made a convincing statement here for being ranked #1/starting a play-off. These arguments were helped by the PAC-10 winning all 5 of its bowl games. “Down year” indeed.
-So, some Sugar Bowl, huh? Do you realize that if Utah hadn’t scored after the first quarter, they STILL would have beat Alabama? Damn. I guess all my shit talking was proved wrong. Utah deserved that win. Also, hey Saban? Saying “We were the only team to go unbeaten in a real conference” was, in retrospect, a piss-poor idea.
-Buffalo lost their first bowl game in history. If you missed it, here is their story. Way back when, they got invited to play in some bowl in Florida. The catch? Their two black players couldn’t come. It was put to a team vote: not go at all, or leave the two behind and play. Thankfully, they decided to go with the only thing that reasonable people would do, and skipped the game. So, karmically, they deserved this win. Which I give to them in Spirit. So you heard it here first folks: Buffalo has never lost a bowl game.
-Then Texas barely beat Ohio State. I could talk about all sorts of things here. But, I’ve noticed that for the most part, Texas fans are idiots (not you Matt) who don’t listen to things like “logic” or “reason.” They did not help their case to be in the Mythical National Championship, by squeaking by a team that many considered to be the weakest BCS team since the inception of the BCS in 1998. Also, Mack Brown is full of shit. He said after the game that he would vote Texas #1 in the coaches poll. He did not. The only non-Florida vote was for Utah.
-And so we come to the MNC itself. Oklahoma against Tim Tebow and 10 other jerkoffs in jerseys. I kid, of course. Percy Harvin was also on the field for Florida. It was… disappointing, to say the least. We all expected a shoot out and a bloodbath. Instead, we got interceptions and questionable playcalling. Oh, and Tim Tebow got flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct after Gator chomping a Sooner. It was Nic Harris, who supposedly “injured Harvin again on purpose” by grabbing his ankle while standing up. Folks, let me tell you something. Harris is a big boy, as is Harvin. Firstly, Harvin was out of the game for maybe 3 minutes. Secondly, if either of them had wanted to injure the other, they could have. My guess is Harris just had a moment where he wasn’t thinking straight. Besides, Florida won.
-As an aside to the game above, thank FUCK that FOX loses the BCS games in a couple seasons. I’ll take idiots over-explaining things and always rooting for the home team over a couple of grown ass men dropping such gems as “That is the first thing he has ever done wrong in his entire life!” or “Spend five minutes in a room with him and your life will be better for it” or “Just look at all he has accomplished by the age of 21: the Heisman, two national championships, missionary work in other countries where they name kids after him!” in reference to Tim Tebow. Also, on that last point, thanks for making me feel like shit about myself, assholes. But seriously, the blowjob they gave Tebow on the air should make them liable for obscenity charges. It was absurd.
Season ending thoughts:
-Crying Fat Sooner band girl was hilarious. Her parents are threatening to sue anybody making fun of her. Good luck with that!
-We need a playoff. We don’t have to get rid of bowls. But seriously, who can legitimately say that they don’t want to watch Texas-Utah, or USC-Florida? You know who says that? TERRORISTS. Don’t be a terrorist, at least not until HUSSEIN OSAMA takes office, amirite? (Political moment: if you believe any of that ridiculous shit about Obama, please, remove yourself from the gene pool as fast as you can for the good of us all).
-3 out of 4 members of my family would tear the family apart for Pete Carroll. The other one is my father.
-Joe Paterno is a football coaching machine. Seriously, he is a robot.
-I have NO FUCKING IDEA what to do with my Saturdays…
-Next season, Boise State will lose at home. However, it will be to Oregon, and so they will modify the home winning streak to be “in conference games” thus ensuring my eternal hatred of the Boise media.
Well, that about wraps it up. I do have a couple announcements I would like to make. Firstly, the website. I decided to opt for something done by blogspot.com, as it has the advantages of being free and not knowing how to update an actual website. So, from now on, you can point your browser to www.angryfootballnerd.blogspot.com for your fix of me ranting. This will, in fact, be the last posting done through Facebook. Also, I am pleased to announce the “hiring” of anybody who would like to put together a coherent article about college football! That’s right! Now is YOUR chance to be the asshole! Just send an e-mail to angryfootballnerd@gmail.com with something in the title that lets me know it is not pornography, and containing your post you would like made, along with a pseudonym and title.
And here we are football fans. Another glorious season over and done. What does the future hold? Well, let me shake the magic hate ball here.
-Oh Magic Hate Ball, what do we have to look forward to next season?
-EVERYTHING YOU TOUCH TURNS TO ASH.
-Fuck you, magic hate ball. Fuck you.
-BYU managed to completely fuck up my bowl picks from day one by not beating Arizona. Seriously though, this one is my fault. I should have guessed that a team that lost its only two contests of any value during the season (TCU and Utah) would drop its bowl game to an improving Arizona.
-Did anybody else see the worlds most horrific injury in the Southern Miss-Troy matchup? A WR for Southern Miss… well…. Here, do this instead. Hold your arm out as stretch as you can. Now bend it at a 90 degree angle at the elbow. That is what his SHIN did. On nothing. He wasn’t hit. The turf just fucked him up. Apparently, from what I’ve heard, he is on track to make an excellent recovery, and could play next season. Hopefully he will. I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy. Yeah, that’s a lie. I would.
-Ahhhhh, the Poinsettia Bowl. Now, I missed most of this game, instead being on a party bus celebrating a friend graduating from Nevada (more on those jerks later). What was great was getting off just in time to see BSU lose the game on a trick play. HINT TO PLAYCALLERS EVERYWHERE: If there is something you always pull out in a certain situation, say, a trick play at the end of a bowl game, you should probably stop. It makes it a lot easier for your opponents. Anyway, from what I’ve heard, great game all around.
-The Hawaii Bowl featured the second most annoying commentary of all time, with a group of chucklefucks that could not, no matter how hard they tried, stop jerking off Notre Dame Quarterback Jimmy “Santa” Clausen (their nickname, as I am not that stupid). Seriously, if a blind man were watching (harharhar) the game, he would assume that Clausen had apparently cured every disease known to man with his miraculous throwing. Of course, not mentioned was the fact that this game was played against HAWAII. So, I offer some advice to every broadcaster out there. Don’t pretend like a team from the WAC that doesn’t rhyme with Moise Mate is legitimate competition. The only ones who would listen to you are the die-hard fans of their opposition, and they are already so far in that it doesn’t matter what you say. Morons.
-Florida State is well on their way to becoming a threat nationally. After dismantling Wisconsin 42-13, people better lookout for them. Funny story about this game, I was napping on the couch during it. I would wake up every 5 minutes or so, and whenever I did, FSU’s score went up by a touchdown. Ok, that wasn’t so much funny as it was stupid and boring.
-Cal beat Miami, which was fun for everybody. It was a good, close game. I don’t have anything clever to say about it, I just wanted to mention that a PAC-10 team won another bowl game. This is important for something later.
-Louisiana Tech would go on to prove me correct in my pre-bowl assessment that they would be the only WAC team to win a bowl game this year. This gives me great personal pleasure. It’s not as if I’m a die-hard La. Tech fan or anything, I just like being right about unimportant shit.
-Mizzou, pre-season contenders, beat shitty Northwestern in overtime. Chase “Interceptron 3000” Daniels did his best to ruin it for Mizzou by throwing somewhere around 18000 interceptions. Sadly for him, the rest of his team was way too good to fall for that. After this game, I would go to discover the joys of playing Big Buck Hunter at a bar (they are many).
-So, how about Nevada in bowl games? They certainly are becoming a mini-Oklahoma. That isn’t fair. But it kind of is. Although, this game (which I attended in person) certainly did prove that Nevada can’t win with me in the audience. My bad, Wolf Pack.
-Oregon convincingly beat OkSU. It also featured a hit that I am sure OkSU QB Zac Robinson is still feeling, because it was one of those that even the announcers pause a bit for. Also, keep track, because this is another PAC-10 bowl win.
-Vanderbilt beat BC by the almost Baseballesque score of 16-14. Yay Vandy?
-That same day, Kansas devastated a much improved but still shitty Minnesota team, 42-21. All credit to the Gophers for going from 1-11 to 7-6. But losing that badly? Wow… Especially when, all things considered, KU was a fairly mediocre team this year.
-Oregon State somehow managed to beat Pitt. It was a wonderful game, feature lots of great offense, stopped by two stifling defenses. Actually, no, that’s a lie. Both teams kept fucking up. This is evidenced by the final score of 3-0. Hey guys? Even Washington could score points this year.
-The Orange Bowl happened. Did you watch it? I did, until I was put into a sandwich related coma. This is due in part to…
-THE ROSE BOWL! USC beat Penn STTTTTTAAAAAAATTTTTEEEEEEE 38-24. But don’t let that score fool you; the game wasn’t close. USC made a convincing statement here for being ranked #1/starting a play-off. These arguments were helped by the PAC-10 winning all 5 of its bowl games. “Down year” indeed.
-So, some Sugar Bowl, huh? Do you realize that if Utah hadn’t scored after the first quarter, they STILL would have beat Alabama? Damn. I guess all my shit talking was proved wrong. Utah deserved that win. Also, hey Saban? Saying “We were the only team to go unbeaten in a real conference” was, in retrospect, a piss-poor idea.
-Buffalo lost their first bowl game in history. If you missed it, here is their story. Way back when, they got invited to play in some bowl in Florida. The catch? Their two black players couldn’t come. It was put to a team vote: not go at all, or leave the two behind and play. Thankfully, they decided to go with the only thing that reasonable people would do, and skipped the game. So, karmically, they deserved this win. Which I give to them in Spirit. So you heard it here first folks: Buffalo has never lost a bowl game.
-Then Texas barely beat Ohio State. I could talk about all sorts of things here. But, I’ve noticed that for the most part, Texas fans are idiots (not you Matt) who don’t listen to things like “logic” or “reason.” They did not help their case to be in the Mythical National Championship, by squeaking by a team that many considered to be the weakest BCS team since the inception of the BCS in 1998. Also, Mack Brown is full of shit. He said after the game that he would vote Texas #1 in the coaches poll. He did not. The only non-Florida vote was for Utah.
-And so we come to the MNC itself. Oklahoma against Tim Tebow and 10 other jerkoffs in jerseys. I kid, of course. Percy Harvin was also on the field for Florida. It was… disappointing, to say the least. We all expected a shoot out and a bloodbath. Instead, we got interceptions and questionable playcalling. Oh, and Tim Tebow got flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct after Gator chomping a Sooner. It was Nic Harris, who supposedly “injured Harvin again on purpose” by grabbing his ankle while standing up. Folks, let me tell you something. Harris is a big boy, as is Harvin. Firstly, Harvin was out of the game for maybe 3 minutes. Secondly, if either of them had wanted to injure the other, they could have. My guess is Harris just had a moment where he wasn’t thinking straight. Besides, Florida won.
-As an aside to the game above, thank FUCK that FOX loses the BCS games in a couple seasons. I’ll take idiots over-explaining things and always rooting for the home team over a couple of grown ass men dropping such gems as “That is the first thing he has ever done wrong in his entire life!” or “Spend five minutes in a room with him and your life will be better for it” or “Just look at all he has accomplished by the age of 21: the Heisman, two national championships, missionary work in other countries where they name kids after him!” in reference to Tim Tebow. Also, on that last point, thanks for making me feel like shit about myself, assholes. But seriously, the blowjob they gave Tebow on the air should make them liable for obscenity charges. It was absurd.
Season ending thoughts:
-Crying Fat Sooner band girl was hilarious. Her parents are threatening to sue anybody making fun of her. Good luck with that!
-We need a playoff. We don’t have to get rid of bowls. But seriously, who can legitimately say that they don’t want to watch Texas-Utah, or USC-Florida? You know who says that? TERRORISTS. Don’t be a terrorist, at least not until HUSSEIN OSAMA takes office, amirite? (Political moment: if you believe any of that ridiculous shit about Obama, please, remove yourself from the gene pool as fast as you can for the good of us all).
-3 out of 4 members of my family would tear the family apart for Pete Carroll. The other one is my father.
-Joe Paterno is a football coaching machine. Seriously, he is a robot.
-I have NO FUCKING IDEA what to do with my Saturdays…
-Next season, Boise State will lose at home. However, it will be to Oregon, and so they will modify the home winning streak to be “in conference games” thus ensuring my eternal hatred of the Boise media.
Well, that about wraps it up. I do have a couple announcements I would like to make. Firstly, the website. I decided to opt for something done by blogspot.com, as it has the advantages of being free and not knowing how to update an actual website. So, from now on, you can point your browser to www.angryfootballnerd.blogspot.com for your fix of me ranting. This will, in fact, be the last posting done through Facebook. Also, I am pleased to announce the “hiring” of anybody who would like to put together a coherent article about college football! That’s right! Now is YOUR chance to be the asshole! Just send an e-mail to angryfootballnerd@gmail.com with something in the title that lets me know it is not pornography, and containing your post you would like made, along with a pseudonym and title.
And here we are football fans. Another glorious season over and done. What does the future hold? Well, let me shake the magic hate ball here.
-Oh Magic Hate Ball, what do we have to look forward to next season?
-EVERYTHING YOU TOUCH TURNS TO ASH.
-Fuck you, magic hate ball. Fuck you.
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