Saturday, October 30, 2010

Tennessee Players afraid of Showers for Some Reason

Hello sportsfans! Welcome to another edition of college football commentary by me, the one and only Angry Football Nerd. In this update, we talk history with Vols head coach Derek Dooley, and tragedy at Notre Dame. Also, some Heisman talk that is almost sure to screw be screwed up by the end of the day today. I also make fun of a much more famous sportswriter, this time on the national level. So, let's get this show on the road!

- So, if you haven't heard by now, Tennessee head coach Derek "Crybaby" Dooley compared his team to the Nazis at Normandy during his press conference last Monday. Something resembling the full text can be found here. Now,I don't necessairly agree with ESPN's take that it is inappropriate to talk about war while our country is at war (or else the History channel is screwed). But there is one thing that you never, EVER do.

That thing is compare anybody or anything to the Nazis and expect to be taken seriously. This includes yourself, your team, politicians of the opposing political party (no matter how black they may be), anything or anyone. Period.

Now, I'm not some namby-pamby whiny baby. But seriously Dooley? The Nazis. THE NAZIS. The most evil group of people in human history. I mean, jokes are great and all, but when you are already in a state that is viewed as backwards as Tennessee is, and you make comments like that, and the people actually support it? Damn, you're an idiot.

At least he's rebuilding the program.

-So, Kansas is on a downswing. So much so that, before this weeks game against Iowa State (Who awesomely beat Texas for the first time ever last weekend), the Athletic Department issued a press release. Now, after a bit of research, the thing in question I am about to tell you has been going on since at least 2007. But, anyway:

A KU Loss Would:

-Be less good than a win

NO WAY!!!!!! I never could have figured that out on my own! Thank you Kansas! You have shown us all the light!

-The tragedy at Notre Dame. Now, I am not a Notre Dame fan. Anybody who has read this blog or talked to me for more than five minutes could tell you that. But, I am not a horrible person (that horrible anyway). This genuinely sucks. Nobody deserves to have something that horrific happen. My heart goes out to the victim, his family, the players and coaches who witnessed it, and the University itself.

-So, I promised that I would mock a more famous sportswriter. Pat Forde, you suck! Seriously, read the guys article sometime. He likes to think of himself as a champion of the underdog (read: non-AQ teams). However, the three teams that he is talking about (if you need me to tell you what three teams he is talking about you need to remove your head from your buttocks and turn on sportscenter) are likely to be favored in EVERY SINGLE ONE of their remaining games, save for when TCU and utah play each other (my money is on TCU being favored). Honestly, cheering for these teams is like cheering for the weed whacker to beat the blade of grass.

Yes, I get that he is talking about the overall picture, and that these teams deserve to play in the title game. Which, annoyingly enough, he has been doing since the first week of the season, so he must either believe that their schedules are really so weak as to not even be worth playing or he is a world class hypocrite.

Also, want proof of how little ESPN itself regards him? Check his e-mail address. That's right, the so-called champion of the under(over)dog doesn't get an official e-mail. No, he gets something straight out of 1997. That's right friends, Pat Forde can be reached at ESPN4D@AOL.COM. That's right, AOL.

-AFN's Top Five Heisman Candidates:

1. Cam Newton, QB Auburn
2. Denard Robinson, QB Michigan
3. Ndamukong Suh, Facecrusher Detroit Lions
4. LaMichael James, HB Oregon
5. Gin and Tonics, Delicious My stomach

AFN's Top Five Football/Sports Commentators:

1. Brad Nessler
2. Colin Cowherd/Future Mrs. AFN Michelle Beadle (Sportsnation being an awesome show)
3. Scott Van Pelt
4. Kirk Herbstriet
5. Mark May (if you hate him, you clearly don't get the gimmick)

AFN's current favorite thing in college football:

The fact that in 20 minutes, I get to watch Georgia-Florida and it is legitimately a cripple fight this year. This is tied with Baylor about to play Texas, and BAYLOR is the ranked team.

AFN's current least favorite thing in college football:

The fact that people are still saying "this early in the season." It is Halloween weekend* people. That is not "early in the season" by any means.

*PS: Halloween night, normally a fun time for all of us aged 4-10, and then 21-30, is on a Sunday this year. Sorry, cheap drinks and girls dressed like slutty cats/nurses. You can't compare to Saints-Steelers!

The best song is still:

Rocky Top

Alright sportsfans. Nebraska Mizzou is about to kick off, and frankly, I need to watch this game to determine who I bet on in the Big 12 championship. See you next week(ish).

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