Saturday, October 17, 2009

Live Blogging the day away!

Alright sports fans, here it is. The fabled LiveBlog! I'll update this specific post any time I feel like updating. So, without wasting your time, here we go! (Also, a warning upon a reading through what I've already said today: This is definitely a rated R blog update)

8:30 AM: I am woken up by the doorbell at my parents house (I stayed here because they have a nicer TV and access to most games. Don't say I never did anything for you fans). I ignore this, because anyone who would need to get ahold of me would know to call me.

9:30 AM: A quick shower, and I prepare my breakfast. What am I having, you ask? A Guinness. This day could be something wonderful.

9:59 AM: And Corso picks Texas to the surprise of nobody. You know, say what you want about Gameday, the guys have great chemistry together and manage to put together a genuinely entertaining show. Also, my pick? Hook 'em Horns!

10:01 AM: Regarding last year's Big-12 Debacle- Texas would have lost to Florida as well. Really, they should be thrilled that they got Ohio State in a BCS game, since the only team more likely than Oklahoma to lose a big game is Ohio State.

10:11 AM: And we are underway. Good play Oklahoma to start it off (Note: I am not going to update every single play).

10:13 AM: Holy shit, that was a stunning play. DeMarco Murray is a phenomenal player. Now, if he could be on a team with a coach that isn't known for choking...

10:15 AM: And the Red River Shootout sees its first points in an OU field goal. Oh, by the way, if you refer to it as the Red River Rivalry, you have no soul.

10:18 AM: I'm not sure if that kickoff wasn't actually a shitty kick, instead of trying to keep it away from Shipley. Anyway, let's see what McCoy can do here.

10:21 AM: Welp, he can fumble, that's for sure.

10:22 AM: Oh shit Bradford is down. No matter who you cheer for in a game, you hate to see an injury. Unless you're an asshole.

10:25 AM: Yeah, Landry "I look like I hide in Bushes and Follow Teenage Girls Around" Jones isn't going to cut it in this game for the Sooners. Also, I was relieved to see that they didn't call OU for getting next to Shipley on the punt. Last year, this game was marred by a horrid 'Roughing the Kicker" call. I'm hopeful that this year we won't see anything too bad this year. I am sure, however, that we will have at least one stupid review that either overturns a huge play (incorrectly), or spends a good 5-10 minutes only to confirm an obvious play. In other news, the instant replay in college has officially jumped the shark.

10:29 AM: "Shipley and McCoy are roommates" count: 1 And it's time for another beer.

10:31 AM: Does anybody else remember last season when Texas lost their back-up center because ten minutes after Obama was elected, he posted "Can't believe that fucking (n-word) got into the White House." Yeah, his profile picture was him snapping to a black QB. Whoops. Huge PI call on UT.

10:35 AM: And another field goal makes it 6-0 OU. Also, I liked the first Jimmy Football Bud Light commercial (the Grooler) was good, and I would actually buy a grooler. The other ones have just been awful.

10:39 AM: Dear Colt McCoy, There are other receivers on the team besides Shipley. You should try to throw it to them.

10:43 AM: First off, overturning that completion was absolutely the right call. Secondly, I love neutral site games. Every team should have one per year.

10:48 AM: Dear Texas, please learn to Tackle thanks in advance.

10:49 AM: Landry Jones is trying so hard to throw a pick. Keep reaching for that rainbow, you creepy looking backup QB.

10:53 AM: Missed field goal by OU. Let's see some actual offense from either team now.

10:58 AM: If Wisconsin beat Iowa, I will be incredibly happy today. 10-0 Badgers.

11:02 AM: Will that fumble scratch Landry's itch to throw a pick? I doubt it, but only time will tell!

11:06 AM: "Shipley and McCoy are roommates" count: 2 and yeah, that was a good call refs.

11:29 AM: Huh, a facemask. That's a good way to fuck up a sweet punt.

11:35 AM: First, that was a terribly stupid penalty for that Texas player. That could very well cost him playing time next week. Second, I am very curious to see where this play ends up. I can't tell who gets possession, much less where.

11:38 AM: Ok, so you can't advance the muffed kick. Texas ball on the OU 18. Maybe some offense will happen?

11:44 AM: Nope, offense will not happen. 6-3 is not a score that anybody likes to see in the RRS.

11:46 AM: Even though they (Texas) did recover the fumble, can we, as a nation, move past saying " Team X is saying they recovered." EVERY FUCKING PLAYER for each team thinks that they got it on a any fumble that is even remotely contested. It does not deserve to be said.

11:51 AM: That was an amazing read-option by Colt, and I hope that the call on the field is reversed. But looking at the replay, I doubt it...

11:55 AM: Did anybody else hear a spring sound effect when that ball was fumbled by OU? Boi-yoi-yoi-yoi-yoi-yoing!

11:56 AM: Please let there be a safety here. I want to go into the halftime with a score of 6-5.

12:00 PM: I don't know if I'm watching the best game of all time or the worst. And I can't believe that I'm excited for halftime so I can watch Big-10 football. That should never be the superior choice to Big-12 games, especially THE Big-12 game.

12:10 PM: And the first play I see in the Wisconsin-Iowa game is a wonderful fingertip catch on Iowa's part. Already, this game is better than OU-UT.

12:12 PM: And a couple plays later leads to the first TD I've seen all day.

12:25 PM: And we're back to the Red River Slapfight. Will either team show up, or am I doomed to watch the worst/best/worst game ever?

12:28 PM: Why is it only now I discover that Purdue is leading Ohio State 23-7 in the 3rd? Holy shit, if they lose, that would be wonderful.

12:48 PM: And the Red River Shitout sees the first touchdown with half the 3rd quarter gone. Texas is showing signs of life, but how will OU respond?

12:50 PM: In honor of the first touchdown, I am having a 16 ounce Bud Light.

12:53 PM: You know, I want to say that, with the massive amount of flags being thrown, that this game has had a ton of shitty calls, but they've been pretty accurate. That said, occasionally letting them play wouldn't go amiss. Also, 40ish minutes until USC-Notre Dame.

12:56 PM: Nice hands no hands.

12:57 PM: Hey, another touchdown! This one by OU. Assuming the point after is good, we are tied at 13s. Yup, it's good.

1:05 PM: Bud Light really does have superior drinkability.

1:06 PM: I haven't watched it, but I wish that ABC would stop making announcers plug FlashForward, since I am positive that it is a terrible show. SPOILER ALERT: They aren't going to change anything, and exactly what they saw would happen is going to happen.

1:09 PM: 2:37 left in Ohio State-Purdue, 18-26 Purdue. Hold fast Boilermakers. I want to be able to HOLY SHIT YES HUGE SACK ON TERELLE "I AM A BAD QUARTERMANN" PRYOR say that Idaho could beat tOSU. See, because they couldn't beat Purdue, who got beat by Northern Illinois, who got beaten by the Vandals.

1:13 PM: 2 minutes left, Purdue ball after tOSU 4-and-out. Do this Boilermakers. DO IT.

1:16 PM: And Ohio State just lost the game on a Facemask. TRESSELBALL.

1:18 PM: Texas FG.

1:23 PM: I'm just going to post this again. Ohio State lost to one of the bottom 3 Big Ten teams on a Facemask penalty. TRESSELBALL. Or, from what I've seen of it, a better way to describe it might be PRYORBALL.

1:32 PM: Alright, with the exception of the OU-UT clusterfuck, the new batch of games is starting. Nebraska plays host to Texas Tech, in a game featuring the only player fit to win the heisman this year, Ndamukong Suh, Nebraska's beastly Dlineman. Seriously, he is the only player in the NCAA right now who is even close to deserving it. (PS, Big UT int just now). Seriously, it's about damn time that the Heisman stop being a QB/RB award. This year, barring an epic explosion of suck on the Man Named Suh's part, it is a god damned insult if the award goes to anyone else.

1:36 PM: I am slightly nervous for the ND-USC game. First off, I am going to go hoarse yelling at the shitty NBC announcers, who are the biggest ND homers in the world. Example: They just called ND's offense High Powered. Yup, high powered is the term I would use to describe a team that needs last second heroics from a decent quarterback to beat incredibly shitty teams. Yes, I know UW beat USC, please don't bother mentioning it.

1:40 PM: In the interests of full disclosure, I've stopped caring about the Red River Horridgame.

1:42 PM: I retract that previous statement. Apparently, OU picked off McCoy. A few plays later, UT picked off Landry. The only thing that sums up this game?

1:44 PM: Yeah, that was blatant PI on ND. You can't tackle the receiver like that, and especially not when you are trying to get him in a chokehold.

1:47 PM: In another full disclosure moment (and one that will never be redacted), what I said about only assholes wanting injuries? I actually want Jimmy Clausen to get some horrible, quality of life to 0 injury in this game, as he is by far the biggest douche in college football. And it burns me up that if they win today (which again, they very well could), not only will they almost certainly go to a BCS bowl (calling it: they go from 25 into the top 12 with a win, no matter how ugly), but Clausen will get the Heisman.

1:49 PM: Texas is going to win by 3. Have the ball, OU has no timeouts, and there is less than 2 minutes.

1:51 PM: Love the NBC announcers no mention of the ND fumble out of bounds at the end of their first offensive play. It makes no difference, but expect to see them gloss over any negatives about the Irish they possibly can.

1:54 PM: Thank Thor that one is over. If OU even flirts with being ranked again this year, then I will lose whatever tiny amount of faith I still have in pollsters.

2:00 PM: Ok, all critics to Matt Barkley: Kindly shut it. That was a hell of a drive, 7-0 SC.

2:04 PM: Weis thinks running the ball is the key to them winning. That might be tough, with an amazing D-Line against a mediocre at best O-Line.

2:05 PM: From another football forum: "Seriously, a QB named Colt McCoy at Texas is the best argument for intelligent design I've ever seen."

2:16 PM: And the refs seem to fucking LOVE giving Notre Dame an extra yard on the spots. Seriously, he wasn't even close on that 3rd and 1.

2:20 PM: That was a pretty sweet fake FG on ND's part. But against a worse defense, that's a touchdown. Of course, the TD on the next play makes it suck just as bad.

2:21 PM: Keep looking smug, Clausen you fucker. Notice how when it came time for a big play, your team relied on the FG holder to make the big pass. Also, that shouldn't be a touchdown, he was about a foot short when his knee hit. Of course they don't overturn it, but it was pretty obvious.

2:25 PM: "Did you see how many blue jerseys were around the line of scrimmage there? At least 8." I counted. There were five. Not that that makes the tackle any less painful, but this announcing is wretched.

2:38 PM: Of course when Florida is down to Arkansas halfway through the second my CBS channel goes out. I'm guessing that the announcers called every affiliate possible and told them to stop broadcasting, because the amount of fellatio they are giving Tebow will actually get them brought up on obscenity charges.

2:41 PM: "It's been the Irish trickery that's kept them in the game so far. But with very few gimmicks." Seriously, junior high kids could do a better job of announcing. They could at least try not to contradict themselves the very next sentence.

2:43 PM: That could have been PI, but from the angle that the announcers were bitching about the lack of a call, you could see the defender kind of making a play for the ball. That means it wasn't as bad of a no-call as the NBC chucklefucks thought it was.

2:47 PM: Yeah, that pretty clearly didn't touch anybody from USC. If it did, it managed to touch him and then continue with absolutely no change in trajectory.

2:48 PM: The best way to sum up the OU-UT game is this image right here (go go nerds!)

2:51 PM: Uh-oh, incoming Barkley as Tebow reference coming... Wait, this is NBC... The SEC doesn't exist in their minds. Which is probably for the best, as can you imagine how bad these idiots would be with a good quarterback and team to cheer for? Also, that was a sweet catch on that PI play.

2:57 PM: That better be overturned, what with him clearly down before the ball came out. Edit: Yup, they got that one right.

3:01 PM: And USC with the FG!

3:19 PM: Alright, so after the half is when one of the teams is going to run away with it I think. On to the Idaho-Hawaii game, tied at 7s.

3:23 PM: the ESPN plus announcers just referred to Hawaii coach Greg McMackin as a "nice guy." This is the same coach that got in deep shit for his homophobic comments in the preseason. Yeah, sure sounds like a nice guy to me.

3:25 PM: 14-7 Idaho on an absolutely gorgeous touchdown pass!

3:40 PM: And we're back with the Fight for the Jeweled Shillelagh. Let's see which team comes out after the half.

3:45 PM: *Calls Matt Barkley bad for underthrowing a pass that the receiver has to come back for*

*Gives credit to Jimmy Clausen for trusting his receiver to come back to the pass he underthrew*

*Is an announcer for NBC college football*

3:49 PM: HUGE STOP for USC on 4th and 1. Which is now getting measured, because of the FUCKING RIDICULOUS SPOT..... Which still comes up short. In your face ND/NBC!

3:51 PM: Two realizations hit me. First, to play QB at Hawaii you must be ugly (seriously, they have some of the ugliest QB's ever). Second, I am actually cheering against NBC in the USC/ND game.

3:56 PM: Tebow sacks are like sex, except he's having them.

4:00 PM: After getting sacked (with what looked like a little extra curricular hit on him) Matt Barkley retaliates by throwing a touchdown pass.

4:09 PM: Touchdown Notre Dame, but ya gotta love the NBC announcers getting pissy that they review the play.

4:13 PM: I've touched on this before, but it is absurd when a defensive player celebrates a tackle that wasn't for loss. Unless it literally won the game for you, then all you did was let the offense gain yards. Case in point, Te'o for ND celebrating a tackle that was on an eight yard gain.

4:16 PM: Touchdown Trojans!

4:21 PM: Absurd PI on USC.

4:25 PM: Yeah guy for ND, turns out you can't run into the punt returner when he signals fair catch. Even these homer announcers know that.

4:30 PM: So, I finally found a channel broadcasting the Arkansas Florida game. All the bad thigns I've said about the USC-ND announcers? yeah, multiply that by 100 for the announcers on this game. They are incapable of saying ANYTHING positive about Arkansas. Shit, they just scored the go-ahead touchdown, and these bags of shit are acting like Florida has already won.

4:41 PM: So, I got distracted by roommate showing up and had to recount how bad some of the calls today have been. Anyway, ND-USC is now 20-34. Florida-Arkansas is 20-20

4:52 PM: A Florida fan on said that after they come back and win this, everyone will hate them again. I was kind enough to assure him that everybody hated them anyway.

4:53 PM: Florida's kicker's last name is Sturgis. Only a few readers will understand this, but that makes me hate them even more.

4:55 PM: 27-34 in the USC Notre Dame game, 20-20 still in Florida Arkansas. My heart, she is exploding.

5:00 PM: (probable) Final score in the UF-Ark game: Arkansas 20, Refs 23

5:03 PM: Seriously, those refs in the Florida game should be fired, and their relatives should be fired from their jobs for that God damn absurd display of homerism. "Obvious False Start? Nah, we aren't going to call that, that could hurt Florida's chances. Offensive PI? NOT ON MY WATCH! Gentlemen, under my command, Florida will never get called for a penalty again."

5:12 PM: I can feel the years of my life flying out the window with this USC ND ending...

5:14 PM: that was the biggest fucking bullshit call ever.

5:21 PM: One second left... Also, despite what you may think, I'm not enough of a homer to want a shitty ending like that. There was absolutely 1 second left on the clock after that play.

5:23 PM; Trojans win! Terrible last play there from Jimmy "Heisman" Clausen. Can't wait to hear Lou Holtz spin this one into ND playing for the BCS Championship. On to the Idaho game.

5:28 PM: First, let's hear it for Notre Dame's leading receiver, Ground! Second, the best part f that one second left call? ND lost twice in one minute.

5:29 PM: The realization has sunk in. USC is going to get punished in the polls more than Florida will, despite beating a better team than they did by more. Florida isn't the number one team in the nation media and coaches, but don't let that simple fact stop you from putting them there.

5:39 PM: 28-17 Idaho with 9 minutes left.

5:49 PM: Sweet fumble recovery Idaho.

5:50 PM: This is the funniest thing I have ever read. From The Football Funhouse (at "You know goons, we all deal with a lot in our day to day lives and games like Notre Dame vs USC are colorful distractions that can divert us from the things in life that are truly important. And I think each of us has had a solemn reminder of that today and more specifically in this thread. For no matter how important it may seem when our teams charge out of the tunnel on Saturday, when it feels like the weight of the world is against us we all need to take a big step back, put things in perspective and remember that fuck Florida forever."

5:53 PM: So, apparently just really awesome blocking is Holding now? Terrible flag.

5:55 PM: And then Idaho loses control on a false start and a hold. Also, the more I looke at Greg McMackin, the more I think he should be a Disney villain. Look at that guy! You can't tell me that he wouldn't be better suited to threatening to burn down the plucky orphanage to make a parking lot for a mini-mall or something.



6:10 PM: Hawaii with a meaningless touchdown. And then a fumble on the 2 pt. conversion means that they stay well short of the spread.

6:14 PM: Hawaii recovers the onside kick. 14 seconds left, down by 12.

6:15 PM: And I think that officially makes three games where a Shiloh Keo pick wins it, even if this time it wasn't necessary to save the game.

6:25 PM: So, BSU to a big time bowl, Winner of Nevada vs. Idaho to Hawaii bowl, loser to the H-Bowl I'm thinking. And Fresno State to the New Mexico Bowl.

6:44 PM: Well sports fans, I'm going to declare this live blog done at this point. Sure, there are still games going on. Important ones, too. But, on the other hand, I have consumed nothing but beer today and was just offered a ride to Five Guys. So, I hope you all enjoyed this Live Blog edition of the AngryFootballNerd. See you when I see you!


  1. enjoying the live blog: I have to work today so I am stuck in an office building in downtown Portland until 4:30 so it's a pretty good way for me to vicariously experience football saturday. I burst out laughing when I read your 10:29AM post. Is that the official 2009 Red River Shootout Drinking Game?

  2. Alex, I cannot believe that Florida just tied the game after two fucking bogus calls to keep them in the game. This is why I hate Football Jesus.