On Penn State and Joe Paterno

I am the AngryFootballNerd, and today, I am truly living up to the first adjective in my name.

I will not rehash the grim details of the situation at Penn State in detail. Former defensive coordinator Jerry Sandusky raped at least 1 boy (under 14) in the Penn State locker room (he is accused of molestation of many more). It was witnessed, reported to JoePa, who passed it along the line. Sandusky was reprimanded. While still keeping an office on the campus of Penn State until 2008.





And then silence.

FOR YEARS, FUCKING SILENCE FROM EVERYONE WHO WITNESSED IT.

Can you imagine? Can you imagine the very literal HELL that these victims have been living in? Hell at the hands of their abuser, who is certainly the worst that humanity has to offer. Hell at the hands of a school that did little to protect them. Hell at the hands of a coaching legend, who did the legally required minimum and then washed his hands of it.

People are defending Joe Paterno in this case. A reporter at the news conference just blasted the Penn State board of trustees. "How dare you? Did you even consider letting him finish his career with the dignity he deserves, you (shouting over takes him at this point)".

Dignity? DIGNITY?

What about the dignity of the victims of these horrible crimes? Or do they not deserve any, since they haven't coached more games than anybody?

"Maybe we should get a new board!"

Maybe you should be a GOD DAMNED HUMAN BEING YOU FUCK.

"Campus is gonna burn tonight!" I hope it starts with you, Mr. Rape of CHILDREN is ok as long as FOOTBALL.


There are more important things than football. It is a game. It is a fucking game. I love it when my teams win. Few things bring me greater joy than a team I support triumphing in a well-played, hard-fought game of football.

I would trade every win, past present and future, for no child to EVER go through this torture again. I would trade it all if it could somehow prevent ONE child from this.

The students are currently rioting in State College, PA. To them, to EVERYBODY defending the man who enabled this to happen, I ask "What if it was one of your family members? What if you had to watch your brother, cousin, or son go through the worst shit, only to have everyone involved in the end shrug their shoulders and say 'oh well'?"

"But Angry, he reported it! What more could he do? He did all he was required!"

Yes, he did all he was required to by law. By morality? By human decency? Fuck no he didn't do it all.

A man with that much power, who basically could do whatever he wanted on that campus... He told his superior, and he never mentioned it again. With a word from him, Penn State would have moved Heaven and Earth to stop it immediately. Would it take away the hurt the victims already had? Of course not. Could it have prevented these grevious wounds from festering for years? Perhaps.

Was SITTING ON HIS FUCKING ASS the right thing to do? If I have to answer this for you.....

As an adult... No, that isn't enough.

As a human fucking being, it is your job to report suspected abuse, much less known abuse LIKE THIS FUCKING CASE WAS. Do not let it die. Do not say "Well, I told someone, I've done all I can." Do not say "S/He's a friend of mine, the witness is wrong," or "But S/He works with me/goes to church with me/carpools/gets drunk with/DOES ANYTHING IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER you report that.


And after you have reported: You follow up. You call the police. You call the Chief of Police. You call the Mayor, the comptroller, the fucking Governor, congress, the Supreme Court. You call the damned President of the United States of America if you have. BUT YOU DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO HELP THAT CHILD. You do NOT, EVER sit there and fucking say "I've done what is required."

It doesn't matter if it is a single mother who has had the shittiest week of her life. It doesn't matter if it happened just one time never again I promise. It doesn't matter if it is your best friend since first grade. It doesn't matter if it is a football coach who was a week ago a living legend.

Do everything in your power to help children in this situation. Do not just do "what is required." Do everything. No child deserves this.

My name is the AngryFootballNerd. I used to be a Penn State fan.

Back from the Dead, it's NCAA Week 2 2011 News and Notes

Hello sportsfans! Welcome back to what is sure to be not a half-assed season of NCAA news, notes, views, and bad language.

Sorry for the unexplained absence at the end of last year, but I had several real life obligations that sadly kept me from bitching on the internet about football nearly as much as I would have liked. Well, to make up for it, have some WORDS!

-So, Wisconsin is probably the most physical team I have ever seen. If they can manage to avoid dropping any of their fairly easy games, this team could play for the title. Certainly, they are the only ones who can prevent themselves from winning the Big Ten.

-Iowa State beat Iowa in a 3OT thriller in Ames for the first time since 2007. 2007's game was notable for being won on the strength of ISU's kicker, as they scored 5 FGs and nothing else to win. I am fairly sure that a team with the quarterback named STEELE JANTZ is going to win the majority of the time, because with a name that Amurican, there is simply no way to lose. Move aside, Ricky Stanzi.

Notable about this game was that the new Cy-Hawk trophy (the previous one that caused the controversy being that abortion of a trophy at the top right of this update) was immediately broken into two pieces. I am being told that it is an interim trophy while the corngrowers of Iowa meet to decide on a new, hopefully football related one. Godspeed, men.

-Idaho managed to play 1 half of competent football, giving hope that maybe, just maybe, when they play top ten ranked Texas A&M next weekend, they can avoid any critical injuries. Winning that game.... no. Just no.

-USCEast beat Georgia in a thriller. It is almost like Georgia is a team that was ranked purely because ESPN wanted them to be so thy could have some interest in their games the first couple weeks of the season. It certainly wasn't on the strength of last season for them (6-7, with a bowl loss to Colorado). Wasn't what they showed in camp, with multiple injuries and coaches getting DUI's. What I am getting at here is that the ALMIGHTY SEC is really just the SEMI-MIGHTY SEC WEST this year, since the cream of the East crop in USC struggled with Georgia, who has a stunningly real chance to not make a bowl game this year. Georgia, remember, you had this game in your hand. Good teams find a way to win. Bad teams find a way to lose. Guess which one you are.

-LSU or Alabama will go undefeated. They have to play each other, which could be the best game ever.

-Notre Dame is 0-2 (no, NBCSports.com, not 1-1) after losing to Michigan in the most exciting game I have ever seen on TV. Michigan, down by infinity in the 4th, makes a stunning comeback, only to have ND regain the lead with 30 seconds left. Michigan gets the ball on their own 20, Denard "I should win all the Heismans" Robinson bombs it downfield, they end up near ND's midfield. What happens next? The tying field goal? Brady Hoke's enormous steel testicles say "WE WILL RUN ONE MORE PLAY" with 8 seconds left. Which, if you have turned on anything sports related in the last 16 hours, you saw the result of. Touchdown Wolverines! Also, on the kickoff, with two seconds left, that was totally a fumble on ND's part, that was returned for a touchdown, but who cares?! Notre Dame, who was predicted to have such a "difficult, arduous schedule" by the experts (when in reality it consists of Stanford and a bunch of teams that they SHOULD BE CRUSHING), is actually not all that good! Sadly, if they win out, except for Stanford, they will still get into a BCS bowl/the title game. Because winning a title previously should mean that you get the benefit of the doubt now, right?

-Minnesota's new head coach Jerry Kill, loved by all who don't actually care if their team wins the game so long as they can claim moral victories*, had a seizure on the sidelines near the end of the game. While I am not one to make fun of a very serious situation, that is what you get for losing to New Mexico State at home. New Mexico State being one of two cupcake games for Minny. Good luck against North Dakota State in two weeks!

*Minnesota fan website, The Gopher Hole, might be the biggest repository of racists who don't think they are racist in the world. Threads after Kill's seizure include several gems blasting New Mexico State for their "thuggish attitude", which in reality, is a code word for "them blacks". So, to any Gopher Hole people reading this... Yes, you are that racist. No, nobody is fooled by your "clever" disguises that you use to try to pretend you aren't. For goodness sakes, the majority of your posters want to bench any black players who start for their white backups, because "I just have a feeling Cornbread McAmericanflag (1 for 23, 6 INTS 0TDS last year) is going to be better in the long run than Darkie McDonttrust (25-34, 1 INT 7TDS)".

If you are one of the three sane Gopher Hole posters, this doesn't apply to you.


Angry's Heisman List, as of Week 2:
1. Denard Robinson
2. STEELE JANTZ
3. Les Miles
4. Ndamukong Suh (I AM NOT GIVING UP ON THIS)
5. Coors Light

Angry's List of Things in Football that need to Stop:
1. Commentary teams with Craig James
2. Pat Forde's "Forde Yard Dash" on espn.com I hope everybody is excited for a three sentence breakdown of BSU games followed by the word "Bus." Because he's already started that this season! If you want to be taken seriously, at least get a gimmick that doesn't make people who are even fans of the team you are talking about want to stab their eyes out.
3. Updates on Toomer's Corner during Auburn games. I know they are full of tradition and meaning to Auburn fans. They are also, ready for this bombshell? They are also FUCKING TREES. It's bad that a man poisoned them. Maybe we could use this to motivate people to care about the millions of other trees that this happens to?
4. Craig James in general.
5. Rankings of any sort before the season starts.

Well, that's all for this week. Be sure to check back through the season for more "high" "quality" opinions, facts, anecdotes, and toilet humor!

Also, for excellent literary and football analysis, be sure to also check out memyselfandrew.com

Football Thankfuls 2010 Edition

Hello sportsfans! It is that time of year again. The time for turkey, family, turkey, booze, turkey, and passing out on the couch. That's right, Thanksgiving is a mere one day away from now. With that said, it is time for my yearly "What I am thankful for in regards to football" edition of the blog.

-Firstly, I am thankful that Mike Leach is suing ESPN for the horrible shit that they did to him during the coverage of his firing last season. Nevermind that the firing was motivated by Texas Tech not wanting to pay the 800k bonus he would have been owed the next day. But the fact that they gave so much airtime to the father of the player in question (who just so happens to be one of their worst football commentators), and let him talk about the case, is horrible. I'm all for anything that reminds "The Worldwide Leader" that they are mortal, and they can't just get away with whatever they want. Hopefully, Leach either wins or this gets settled out of court. And with any luck, they will quietly be letting Craig James go.

-I am thankful that, given the way this season is going to end, we are going to be stuck with the BCS for life. Consider that right now, the last ditch effort (an anti-trust lawsuit) is being brought against the BCS. The grounds for this being that non-AQ teams never get to play for the title. Now, consider that either TCU or BSU is going to play for the title this year (it's going to happen, because I don't see Auburn either beating Alabama or going unpunished for having Cam Newton on their team). Whoops, there goes THE ENTIRE FREAKING CASE AGAINST THE BCS. This is the equivalent of claiming that someone won't let you borrow their shirt while you are wearing the shirt.

Am I happy that we are going to be stuck with the BCS? Ehhh, I'm fairly ambivalent. I don't hate it with the tenacity that most people seem to. I mean, I enjoy the idea of a playoff, but I also enjoy the 30+ bowl games. More football = better. Less football = worse.

-I am thankful that the WAC is dying. While this is not good for my Idaho Vandals, it is good in that it puts Karl Benson out of a job. Trust me, when it comes time to write the Ultimate Book of College Football History, Karl Benson is going to be named as the worst conference commish of all time.

Favoring one team above all others? Check. See his comments from last season re: Boise State: "I think that deep down, every team in the WAC wants BSU to go undefeated." No Karl, traditionally teams like for themselves to go undefeated. This applies to the Utah States of the world as much as the Big Boys. Also my guess for his next favorite team assuming somehow the WAC survives the next three years? San Jose State. At least they have a warm climate. Nevermind the fact that they might drop football, as logic clearly has no place in Benson's mind.

Talks like he has no clue what he is doing? Check.

WORE A GODDAMNED PLAIN RED SHIRT IN A COMMERCIAL WITH THE OTHER CONFERENCE COMMISSIONERS WHO WERE ALL WEARING SUITS? BIG ASS POORLY DRESSED CHECK.

Incapable of convincing bottom level teams in other conferences to join his? Check.

Soon to be unemployed? Check.

-Not football related, but I am thankful that Gran Turismo 5 is currently in my PS3. I have been waiting three years for my sweet, sweet Car Pornography. Seriously, this is my most favoritest series of games ever. The only issue being that doing some of the 24 hour endurance races is no longer possible due to being an adult. Stupid responsibility. At least I can console myself by trying to purchase and race all 1000+ cars.

-Also not football related, but I'm glad that LeBron doesn't have an offensive rebound in 11 of his last 14 games. This makes my NBA finals prediction of Celtics over Lakers in 6 more likely (this switches to Lakers over Celtics if Gasol stays this hot the entire season, which with the energy he saves by not fucking shaving, he can do). Seriously, has any team ever been truly great with 3 stars who are fed by ego and no role players? Even Jordan had Pippen.

-I am thankful that Texas is bad this year. Mack Brown is the worst.

-I am thankful that I am becoming more of a basketball fan. Not more than football, just more in general.

-Finally, I'm thankful for you, my loyal tens and tens of readers. You keep this blog alive.

Well, that's all for this week, as I have to go win some races to get the cash to buy a 1988 Toyota Corolla. AFN out!

Wherein I talk about Cam Newton

Hello sportsfans! I'd like to talk semi-seriously about the Cam Newton situation today. I know, I know, you mostly come for the fart and weiner jokes. Well, I'll see what I can do, but I am not a miracle worker.

So, Cam Newton may have asked for money from Mississippi State before ending up at Auburn. This is in a direct violation of NCAA rules, where only the people who are not performing the work are the ones who can be paid.

Do we know, for sure, that he did it at this point? No. In fact, our only evidence is a former player who works as an agent. A former Mississippi State player. GEE, THAT ISN'T SUSPICIOUS IN THE SLIGHTEST.

But what is really grinding my gears is the Heisman debate. There are a couple of facts that should be stated at this point:

FACT: The Heisman Trophy (ostensibly) goes to the best player in any given year.
FACT: Cam Newton is the best player in college football this year.
FACT: At this point, Cam Newton should win the Heisman easily.
FACT: Innocent until proven guilty is the standard in America.

And yet, you have (sorry mother, in this one I'm cursing) absolute dipshits like Pat Forde. See, Mr. 40 said that having just been through the Reggie Bush debacle, he has a sour taste in his mouth. Since he feels his vote didn't count, he is reluctant to vote for Newton because he wants his vote to count. And his vote wouldn't count if Newton wins and then later is stripped of the award.

This is not something that is unusual in America. For example, living in Idaho and voting for a Democrat for President means in a very real way that your vote did not count. I'm not referring to some nebulous election fraud of some sort. But due to the way we elect our President unless you vote for the same candidate as 50.1% of the people in your state, guess what? Your vote means the same as a fart in the wind.

Now, obviously, there is a difference between President and Heisman winner. For example, the Heisman winner can make a difference in my life personally (fantasy football, where if you are reading Bryan I am sorry for beating you this past week). The point I am trying to make here is that our vote not counting for something is not a unique situation. And if something so fucking petty as "MY VOTE DIDN'T COUNT IN THIS COLLEGE FOOTBALL AWARD THAT LITERALLY MEANS THE PERSON IN QUESTION GETS A TROPHY AND NOTHING ELSE" (Hi there Matt Leinart) make you do the wrong thing? Well, let's just go ahead and add that to the list of things that make Ford-E (which i believe was the codename for the Edsel) a shitty sportswriter. Nevermind the fact that it isn't going to say somewhere down the line in a golden history book "Pat Forde cast the deciding vote that gave ______________________ the Heisman."

"But Angry," you ask, with a slack look on your face and your eyes glazed over, "Why do you care? After all, you yourself just said the Heisman doesn't really mean anything. Doesn't that make you a hypocrite?"

Well, here's where my beef with not voting for Newton because you want your vote to count historically. Again, the Heisman is the award for the best player in college football. By not voting for the best player in college football, you are doing the wrong thing. The absolute, flat out, zero-sum wrong fucking thing.

Who am I to complain about doing the wrong thing? Well, I'm certainly no saint, but I can share this anecdote. In high school, I was in a situation where telling what would barely qualify as a lie in regards to drinking, where I had taken literally one tiny sip of Vodka&Gatorade, would have gotten me in absolutely zero trouble. I'm talking none, whatsoever.

What did 17 year old me do? Admitted that I had taken one sip (I got just enough to realize it was disgusting and stopped) and got suspended for 5 days. So again, while I'm not perfect, I do know a little something about doing the right thing when in the long run it doesn't matter.

DO the right thing, 40 Ounces of Dumb. Unless evidence comes to light immediately and he is declared ineligible, Newton should win the 2010 Heisman.

Tennessee Players afraid of Showers for Some Reason

Hello sportsfans! Welcome to another edition of college football commentary by me, the one and only Angry Football Nerd. In this update, we talk history with Vols head coach Derek Dooley, and tragedy at Notre Dame. Also, some Heisman talk that is almost sure to screw be screwed up by the end of the day today. I also make fun of a much more famous sportswriter, this time on the national level. So, let's get this show on the road!

- So, if you haven't heard by now, Tennessee head coach Derek "Crybaby" Dooley compared his team to the Nazis at Normandy during his press conference last Monday. Something resembling the full text can be found here. Now,I don't necessairly agree with ESPN's take that it is inappropriate to talk about war while our country is at war (or else the History channel is screwed). But there is one thing that you never, EVER do.

That thing is compare anybody or anything to the Nazis and expect to be taken seriously. This includes yourself, your team, politicians of the opposing political party (no matter how black they may be), anything or anyone. Period.

Now, I'm not some namby-pamby whiny baby. But seriously Dooley? The Nazis. THE NAZIS. The most evil group of people in human history. I mean, jokes are great and all, but when you are already in a state that is viewed as backwards as Tennessee is, and you make comments like that, and the people actually support it? Damn, you're an idiot.






At least he's rebuilding the roads....er..... program.

-So, Kansas is on a downswing. So much so that, before this weeks game against Iowa State (Who awesomely beat Texas for the first time ever last weekend), the Athletic Department issued a press release. Now, after a bit of research, the thing in question I am about to tell you has been going on since at least 2007. But, anyway:

A KU Loss Would:

-Be less good than a win

NO WAY!!!!!! I never could have figured that out on my own! Thank you Kansas! You have shown us all the light!

-The tragedy at Notre Dame. Now, I am not a Notre Dame fan. Anybody who has read this blog or talked to me for more than five minutes could tell you that. But, I am not a horrible person (that horrible anyway). This genuinely sucks. Nobody deserves to have something that horrific happen. My heart goes out to the victim, his family, the players and coaches who witnessed it, and the University itself.



-So, I promised that I would mock a more famous sportswriter. Pat Forde, you suck! Seriously, read the guys article sometime. He likes to think of himself as a champion of the underdog (read: non-AQ teams). However, the three teams that he is talking about (if you need me to tell you what three teams he is talking about you need to remove your head from your buttocks and turn on sportscenter) are likely to be favored in EVERY SINGLE ONE of their remaining games, save for when TCU and utah play each other (my money is on TCU being favored). Honestly, cheering for these teams is like cheering for the weed whacker to beat the blade of grass.

Yes, I get that he is talking about the overall picture, and that these teams deserve to play in the title game. Which, annoyingly enough, he has been doing since the first week of the season, so he must either believe that their schedules are really so weak as to not even be worth playing or he is a world class hypocrite.

Also, want proof of how little ESPN itself regards him? Check his e-mail address. That's right, the so-called champion of the under(over)dog doesn't get an official ESPN.com e-mail. No, he gets something straight out of 1997. That's right friends, Pat Forde can be reached at ESPN4D@AOL.COM. That's right, AOL.

-AFN's Top Five Heisman Candidates:

1. Cam Newton, QB Auburn
2. Denard Robinson, QB Michigan
3. Ndamukong Suh, Facecrusher Detroit Lions
4. LaMichael James, HB Oregon
5. Gin and Tonics, Delicious My stomach


AFN's Top Five Football/Sports Commentators:

1. Brad Nessler
2. Colin Cowherd/Future Mrs. AFN Michelle Beadle (Sportsnation being an awesome show)
3. Scott Van Pelt
4. Kirk Herbstriet
5. Mark May (if you hate him, you clearly don't get the gimmick)

AFN's current favorite thing in college football:

The fact that in 20 minutes, I get to watch Georgia-Florida and it is legitimately a cripple fight this year. This is tied with Baylor about to play Texas, and BAYLOR is the ranked team.

AFN's current least favorite thing in college football:

The fact that people are still saying "this early in the season." It is Halloween weekend* people. That is not "early in the season" by any means.

*PS: Halloween night, normally a fun time for all of us aged 4-10, and then 21-30, is on a Sunday this year. Sorry, cheap drinks and girls dressed like slutty cats/nurses. You can't compare to Saints-Steelers!

The best song is still:

Rocky Top

Alright sportsfans. Nebraska Mizzou is about to kick off, and frankly, I need to watch this game to determine who I bet on in the Big 12 championship. See you next week(ish).

Breaking the Silence

Hello sports fans. Sorry for my extended absence, but unlike the vast majority of people who write a sports blog, I actually have a real job that requires my attention. This update also heralds something of a new format. Instead of breaking down a ton of games (something that I have lost interest in, as how many times can I really say that X team is awesome/sucks and still make it hysterical?), I'm going to talk about a few subjects at a time, and give more in-depth thoughts. So, here comes the first one!

-The Minnesota Golden Gophers finally fired Tim Brewster, ending a few years of declining football. This will not lead to immediate great things however. They still ave to hire a new coach, and the current rumblings are... disturbing to say the least.

Two leading candidates? Dan "Wife Beatin" McCarney and Gary "Well, she was a bad kicker so it is ok that players raped her" Burnett.

We all like winning. It's in our nature. Would those coaches eventually help Minnesota win more games? Absolutely.

At what cost are Gopher fans willing to win? Hire a wife beater? Hire someone who ACTUALLY JUSTIFIED RAPE BY SAYING THAT SHE DESERVED FOR NOT BEING GOOD AT FOOTBALL? Hopefully, we don't have to find out.

Me, I would take a happy loser over a wretched excuse for a human who goes (it is Minnesota, so let me be realistic) 8-4 year in year out.

-On Florida's troubles:
Rumors are circulating that Urban "Squeaky Clean" Meyer has essentially retired. Some of these back up previous rumors that he came back after his retirement last year to only help the University save face (That is working well after that loss to Mississippi State at home). Now, as these are rumors, take them with a grain of salt.

That said, as no great fan of Urban Meyer, or Florida in general (circumcise America's wang), let me say just one thing:

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Eat it, Urbz.

-My Heisman top 5:
1. University of Oregon
2. Denard Robinson
3. Ndamukong Suh (I am not joking about this, dammit)
4. Cam Newton
5. Les Miles

My BCS Top 5, if I were a BCS computer:

1. Oregon
2. Oklahoma
3. Oregon again
4. Alabama (If you think that their one loss, given the schedule they play, makes them a not top 5 team, you are bad and you should feel bad)
5. LSU (Voodoo beats skill, always)

Why the BCS isn't the worst thing in college football:

Hey Mid-Majors! If you really are just as good as the big boy teams, then NO! It is not too much to ask to go undefeated. None of you play anybody of note anyway! Oregon State? They just lost to Washington! Iowa State? I beat them like twice today!

Seriously though, here is the choice for Mid-Majors:

A) Go undefeated, play in a huge bowl game with a ton of money and exposure, as a result of finishing in the top 12

OR

B) Rely on the bowl coordinators to pick you, a smaller school with a much smaller fanbase, to pick you over, say... a 9-3 Texas team that will bring INFINITY DOLLARS to them.

Am I saying the BCS is perfect? No. Am I even a huge fan of it? No (but not for the matchups it has produced). I'm more against it because they release the rankings in the middle of October. If they didn't come out until after the season (but before the bowls you pedantic jerkstore), that would alleviate a ton of my problems with it.

Awesomest trend in College Football:

Quarterbacks not named Tim Tebow TIED with Les Miles crazy voodoo priest powers.

Least awesomest trend in College Football:

Fanbases complaining about other teams ranking above them based on results from previous seasons. Minnesota won a national championship in '62. By the logic these mental giants use, that means that they should still be number 1.

Anyway, I'm out for this week.

Last minute pick:

Auburn over LSU. Even though I am a crazy person who loves Les Miles, I don't think that they can sneak past this one.

Live Blogging the day Away!

Hello sports fans! Welcome to another edition of Live Blogging Featuring AFN! For those of you who are new this year, every time the Red River Shootout (Call it the rivalry and I will end you) rolls around, I get the crazy idea to live blog. This should be a good one this year, as we also have Oregon-Stanford and Florida-Alabama. In this I will write down almost all the football thoughts that cross my mind. Let's get it started!

10:26 AM- I love the Herbstriet "Stud Finder" commercial. More products and services need to be self-aware like Gameday is.

10:27 AM- Will this be the yearly game that Ohio State drops? Probably!

10:29 AM- Great punt by the Illini to trap the Buckeyes on their own 1. Also, a moment of silence for Michigan State coach Mark Dantonio, who was readmitted into the hospital today after his heart attack after the Notre Dame game.

10:33 AM- Over in the Minnesota-Northwestern game, my first "Fire Brewster" came out for the day. This will not be the last, regardless of the outcome of this game.

10:35 AM- Remember the Texas A&M game Thursday night? How did anyone, ever, think that Jerron Johnson was a Heisman contender? When you throw nearly as many picks as TDs, you are not a good quarterback.

10:37 AM- Keys to beating Minnesota: Have a pulse. Fire Brewster. Speaking of Brewster, after last week's loss to Northern Illinois, he said of the team's 1-3 record, 'That doesn't matter. We can still go undefeated in the Big 10." Timmy, if you lose to South Dakota State, USC, and NIU, no, you CAN'T go undefeated in the Big 10.

10:41 AM- A possible game ending penalty by Minnesota that gave Northwestern the ball on the Minny 10 with a fresh set of downs is erased by a NW fumble recovered by Minnesota.

10:43 AM- Holy crap, they ruled him down by contact on the field. The commentary team seems to think that it will be overturned and Minnesota ball on the 6. After seeing the replay, I agree with them.

10:44 AM- Yeah, they overturned it. Replay is awesome, right World Cup and Major League Baseball?

10:49 AM- Minnesota somehow driving. Honestly, as a fan, I want them to lose out. I can't risk anything happening that might keep Brewster hired. My biggest fear is that they somehow win a game that they shouldn't in epic fashion and he stays employed.

10:57 AM- Get ready Moscow peeps, I'm headed your way the first weekend in November. Prepare Mikey's, the Club, and possibly Old Peking.

11:08 AM- Clemson-Miami looks like a much better game than NW-Minn. So why am I not watching it? Simply because FIRE BREWSTER. And now the Gophs are about to score to tie it up.

11:10 AM- Yeah, they tied it up.

11:12 AM- Illinois is currently leading Ohio State 10-7. Why does OSU always struggle in a conference game against a BAD team?

11:18 AM- Thank goodness OSU. Now keep it up in the second half, or I will find Terrelle Pryor and steal from you, steal from me, kill you, kill me (man I hope somebody knows what I'm talking about).

11:25 AM- Northwestern driving to hopefully break the 14-14 tie going into the half.

11:30 AM- Nope.

11:36 AM- Minnesota is in the lead 21-14 going into the half. I feel like such a jerk, but I just want Brewster gone so very much.

11:40 AM- Baylor just broke an AMAZING pass to score from their own 6. It was basically a lateral, and the blocking was outstanding. Just one of those plays that is done to absolute perfection.

11:48 AM- Pryor out for a bit with an injury. Hopefully he will be back soon. Time to see if Ohio State is a one trick pony.

12:03 PM- A light lunch took me through halftime and NW is driving after a crazy fumble recovery for 35 yards.

12:05 PM- NW scores to even it up with Minnesota. Or they would have, had they not missed the extra point.

12:11 PM- Idaho and Western Michigan just kicked off. The picture is like looking through a sheet of wax paper, and the sound quality is worse than a kindergarten music class

12:15 PM- This lull in the games seems like as good a time as any to talk about this. If you are any kind of decent person, and you are getting married, you need to listen to this. Don't schedule your wedding during the fall. It's simply rude to expect your friends and family to not watch games so that you can get hitched. There are a couple exceptions to this rule. The first is if you do it during the first two weeks of the season and there are not any major games. The second is if the wedding is in the state of Minnesota. Props to the Angry Football Best Friend, who scheduled his wedding for Memorial Day.

12:21 PM- And the WAC Sports Network loses the feed to the Idaho-WMU game. Jeez, can the WAC do anything right ever?

12:26 PM- Flip to the Minnesota game just in time to see them pick a NW TD pass.

12:30 PM- It's time. It's TIME. IT'S BEER TIME!

12:37 PM- WICKED SICK BURN ON MY FATHER FROM MY MOTHER.

12:46 PM- Beer in hand, football on TV, football on radio. Life is good.

12:54 PM- Ohio State seals the game 24-13 with 2 minutes left. Of course, I'm going to keep watching, since I fully expect them to screw it up.

1:04 PM- OSU did not screw it up. That sound you hear? That is my sigh of relief.

1:06 PM- Awesome fake punt Idaho!

1:07 PM- Robb Akey has enormous testicles of pure titanium.

1:20 PM- Northwestern beating Minnesota, Ohio State winning. Big Ten is going according to plan today.

1:22 PM- Scene: AFN and AFMother are listening to Idaho game on radio, as AFFather is watching the delayed by 8 seconds broadcast upstairs.

Idaho: Touchdown
AFN and AFM: Claps
AFM: I think we're ahead of your dad
AFF: Starts clapping.
AFN and AFM: Raucous laughter

1:32 PM- Red River Shootout is imminent. No matter how bad or good both of these teams are, this is one of my favorite games of the year.

1:39 PM- Dear Idaho: i know this is contrary to your beliefs, but committing penalties is actually a bad thing.

1:46 PM- Idaho ahead at the half 17-10. And a hilarious holding penalty after a hilarious personal foul penalty against Texas keeps Oklahoma's opening drive alive.

1:51 PM- Boomer Sooner! Boomer Sooner!

1:57 PM- Apparently Oklahoma's D did something cool, I don't know I was taking a bathroom break.

2:05 PM- Oklahoma scores again and I just realized that I have access to the Michigan game, and therefore Denard Robinson.

2:16 PM- Outside of Urban Meyer, Mack Brown is the least likable coach in NCAA football. Just everything about him screams "I'm a bitter old man desperately trying to cling to glory".

2:26 PM- This seems as good a time as any to make a gin and tonic.

2:30 PM- This seems as good a time as any to make another gin and tonic. Dammit Idaho, why do you do this to me?!

2:31 PM- Ahhh, that'll stave off the malaria.

2:41 PM- Michigan is tied with indiana? This is not a thing that I am ok with.

2:48 PM- You know, when it comes down to great debates, you always have to take a side. Texas-Oklahoma, I'm on Oklahoma's side. Good-Evil, I'm on the side of good. But there is one debate that will transcend the ages, and that is Edward-Jacob. I'm firmly on Team Edward. Team Edward James Olmos, that is. Yes, it is a Battlestar Galactica joke.

3:02 PM- Oklahoma is just manhandling Texas. Manhandling them like... a manhandling... thing.

3:12 PM: Idaho with a fumble recovery putting them on the WMU 15 while up 30-13 in the 4th. Also, the Vandal Gameday flag was definitely spotted during Gameday, bringing the streak to 2. We may never beat Wazzu's streak, but we can make a good showing!

3:19 PM- Oh sweet Jesus! We are screwed! The University of Michigan commercial just aired footage of students controlling a robot. All hail our new robot overlords!

3:34 PM- This is a shout out to local Boise band Nude Oil. I can honestly say that if you like things that are awesome, they are the band for you.

3:28 PM- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ucGYZU_hfmo&feature=related

3:38 PM- One of the most recent predictions I've seen for bowl season (which, lol at them in the first 2 months anyway) has Idaho against Arizona State in the Kraft Fight hunger bowl. Regardless of the outcome of that game, does Erickson leave the stadium alive? My money is on yes, but minus 2 limbs.

3:45 PM- Awesome fake punt by Texas. Pays off! I think one of the best things about football is being able to give credit to amazing play by teams you hate.

3:55 PM- Dear Michigan State: While I feel for you after the loss of your coach, I would appreciate it if you wouldn't beat Wisconsin. Thanks, AFN

3:59 PM- Sweet sack by Michigan.

4:09 PM- Tennessee-LSU, after starting off very ugly for Tenn (LSU scored on the first play), is now in the fourth with LSU up 10-7, but Tennessee just completed an amazing pass and is threatening to score.

4:24 PM- The Angry Football Father, upon watching the WSU-UCLA game, immediately referred to Neuheisal as Buttheisal.

4:28 PM- UCLA: One week we crush Texas, the next we struggle with WSU.

4:49 PM- I'm so conlficted on the ending of this Tennessee-LSU game. On one hand, I hate LSU. On the other I hate Derek Dooley.

4:51 PM- OH MY GOD! What an amazing ending! Of course a Les Miles team would fall to crappy clock management. AND NOW 12 MEN ON THE FIELD TENNESSEE!

4:53 PM- Holy crap what an ending. LSU WINS!!!!!

4:54 PM- Wow, what an assclown Dooley is. I understand being pissed after a loss like that. But to not even look Miles in the eyes as he comes to shake your hand? Grow up, jerk.

5:09 PM- And Oklahoma wins it after a muffed punt is recovered by the OU long snapper.

5:16 PM- Alright folks, I'm taking a break for dinner. be back in an hour or so.

6:27 PM- Alright, back from delicious steaks to soak up the alcohol. The night's games have started, with Bama leading Assholes 3-0, Oregon up on Stanford 3-0, USC beating UW 7-0, and Iowa probably beating Penn State by a hojillion points.

6:39 PM- Stanford looking really good against Oregon, leading 7-3. Also, a Brent Musberger lovefest about the Pistol, designed by Hall of Fame Head Coach Chris Ault of Nevada.

6:51 PM- Stanford might very well kick oregon's ass if this keeps up. And if they do, who is going to stop them? 21-3 Cardinal, and they are showing no sign of stopping.

7:05 PM- Ballsy onside works for Oregon as they recover the ball after a touchdown! 10-21 Stanford.

7:11 PM- Oregon scores again, making it 17-21. It's a shame that this game isn't the last week of the season, so we could hear debates about how they both deserve a rematch in the national championship.

8:00 PM- Alright sports fans, I'm calling this Live Blog for the day. Come back next week sometime, as I post an update on the end of the day, as well as any thoughts I feel compelled to share.

In which AFN states his Hatred of Urban Meyer: NCAA Week 4 News and Notes

Well, I think that title reveals my thoughts this week, so let's get this started.

-First, apologies for missing week 3. Not many though, because really, what could I talk about? Nevada dominating Cal? Nebraska ruining Jake Locker's future? Fire Brewster?

-Alright, I'll start in on my big rant while my blood is all angried up. Chris Rainey, Florida "star" player, was suspended recently from the team for texting an ex-girlfriend "Time to die bitch". Notice how I say suspended, not kicked off there.

Now, this goes well with Urban Meyer's comments about how he "doesn't run a dirty team." This despite 30 arrests since his arrival at UF.

Now, I'm not saying that Urban meyer is actively encouraging his players to break the law. What I am saying is that he is an asshole with zero care of discipline while his team is winning. He is an ass. An absolute ass.

You don't see other big programs having issues with things like this. You don't hear about players for Ohio State, or Oklahoma, or Texas or the like committing major crimes (every team has misdemeanor issues). You know why?

Because those coaches actually give a shit about team discipline. Meyer? Well, given how he has been reluctant to punish even acts that would count as felony assault (see the Eye Gouge incident from last year), I think it is safe to say that his players feel able to do whatever they want.

And why shouldn't they? Urban clearly will do merely the minimum. And the Florida justice system isn't a whole lot better, since Rainey's punishment is a donation of $100 to a women's protection group.

That brings up a larger point about big time football teams in general. Go ahead, move to Florida, and text an ex the same thing that Rainey did. Let me know what the jails are like.

-So, Nebraska... I don't know how they can crush Washington one week and the next struggle with an FCS team, but they found a way. I'd be more worried about how they are going to win the Big 12 South this year, but...

-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA TEXAS! How in the blue Hell do you lose to UCLA at home? How do you lose to UCLA at home that badly?

I'll tell you how. Pac-10 supremacy.

-Speaking of Big XII South, Oklahoma barely escaped against 1-3 Cincinnati. This makes the Red River Shootout next weekend (Don't EVER call it the Red River Rivalry or I will castrate you) even more of a circus than the past couple years have been.

-Notre Dame is 1-3. Also, my browser's spellcheck doesn't consider "Notre" a real word. What I am gettingat here is that ND isn't a real team.

-Oregon beat ASU pretty awesomely (Go to Hell Erickson). How cool is it that Oregon-Stanford is this weekend? Truly, Thor is smiling on us.

Heisman Ballot, Week 4

1. Denard Robinson, University of Michigan and most exciting player in NCAA football
2. Colin Kaepernick, University of Nevada
3. Ndamukong Suh (yeah, still on this bandwagon) Detroit Lions
4. Korey Bell, Capital High School
5. Nobody else but it will probably go to some crappy running back

Anyway, that's all I've got for this week. Next week, I'm not sure... Perhaps a bit of LIVEBLOGGING.

James Madison's best work since the Federalist Papers: NCAA Week 2 News and Notes

Hello sportsfans! Welcome to another exciting edition of me, the Angry Football Nerd! Lots of great stuff to talk about this week! Upsets ahoy, and the return of my Heisman ballot!

-Alright, starting with the West Virginia-Marshall game. While it would have been amazing for Marshall to win on the 40th anniversary of the plane crash as depicted in the semi-popular film "We Are Marshall" (which the AFN cried during, but I cry during all sports movies, and if you don't like that, bite me), that game perfectly showed the usual difference between big time programs and small time programs. Personally, I was cheering for the Thundering Herd, but after that comeback, WVU showed that they deserve it.

-And then came Saturday. Starting off with the Kansas-GT game.... WHAT THE HELL?! How do you lose to NORTH DAKOTA STATE (Apparently the worse of the two ND teams according to espn) and then make Georgia Tech look like fools? Kansas is probably the most two faced team this (very young) season.

-Minnesota lost to South Dakota State. This is a week after almost losing to Middle Tennessee State. Next they play USC, then northern Illinois. Then the Big Ten. Minnesota is going to go 1-11 this year. This is a reminder that they signed HC Tim Brewster to an extension last season.

-On a related note, Fire Brewster.

-USCar beat Georgia because Marcus Lattimore is going to be the Heisman runner-up this year. Oops, did I just spoil some of my Heisman Ballot? Yeah, well...

-And finally, the namesake of this week's blog update. James Madison beating Virginia Tech. At Virginia Tech. Now, again, sometimes a loss to an FCS school isn't the death knell for a program (again, see Michigan vs. Appalachian State). But in this case? Well, Starting 0-2 is a whole lot worse than starting 0-1, especially for a team that was expected to compete for the National Title. Their saving grace? The rest of the ACC doesn't look so hot. Expect Virginia Tech to go to the Orange Bowl and get beat by an at-large team pretty handily.

-Also, thanks to VT for reminding us why Monday games should be followed by a bye week, instead of even a cupcake game.

-That ragging on the ACC is deserved. How about those non-efforts from Florida State (Welcome back Oklahoma, I'm looking forward to seeing you get crushed by every big team you have the rest of this year) and Miami? Granted, Miami would have probably fared better if Jacory Harris (oddly enough, my spellcheck doesn't recognize Jacory as a word) hadn't thrown somewhere in the neighborhood of a trillion interceptions. But really, for all the ragging on the Big Ten, it looks like the ACC deserves it more this year.

-Notre Dame-Michigan. First off, a moment of silence for those of us who were unable to stomach the NBC announcers. Hint idiots: If you flat out call someone on one of the teams terrible, you are biased enough that you should lose your job. Anyway! So, how awesome is Denard Robinson, QB for Michigan? He is so awesome that he personally has more yards this season than 80+ teams. That awesome. As of right now, the scale is no longer 1 to 10. It is Virginia Tech to Denard Robinson.

-Well, Alabama and Penn State went about exactly how it was predicted to go. Thankfully, there were no injuries. Funnily enough, if you replace "Alabama and Penn State" with "Nebraska and Idaho", this section still applies, saving me valuable Jets watching time.

-What is Oregon's deal? They go to Knoxville, play like a junior high team (a decent junior high team, to be sure) in the first half, then come out at halftime and absolutely explode with talent and plays. I don't know if I should put them as a lock for the Pac-10 crown, or a lock for the middle of the Pac (see what I did there?).

-Speaking of Pac-10, how bad is WSU? So bad that they need a comeback on the last drive to win by 1. Against Montana State. Which begs the question, what would have happened if they played Montana? My guess? COMEDY! And something like a 49-7 loss for the Cougars.

-Also, you know who is scary? Actual Cougars. Am I talking about the large feral cat, or middle aged women at bars? Both, my friends, both.

-Fire Brewster

-Stanford is going to be a legitimate threat for a long time. You heard it here first, folks (assuming that you haven't listened to or watched ESPN in the past two year).

-So, how screwed is USC? Sure, they are 2-0. After letting Hawaii put 600 yards on them in week one and squeaking by Virginia 17-14 week two. Is Lane Kiffin the worst BCS team coach? Well, no, but that is only because Tim Brewster is still employed. Granted, going to Minnesota SHOULD help, but despite my earlier prediction of the Gophers going 1-11, somehow beating USC wouldn't surprise me. And would also ensure that Brewster is still employed come this time three seasons from now. Anyway, USC is looking at the bottom half of the Pac-10 this year.

ANGRY FOOTBALL HEISMAN STANDINGS

1. Denard Robinson
2. Marcus Lattimore
3. Terrele Pryor
4. Ndamukong Suh (if they give Reggie Bush's Heisman to Vince Young, then they should absolutely do this)
5. Bryan McMartin

Alright angry football fans, that is all for this week. You know the drill by this point: same time next week. E-mails go to angryfootballnerd@gmail.com for a timely (NOT) response.

If I may be serious for a moment

There is a plague in college football. No, it isn't Lou Holth's marble mouth, or Mark May's... Mark May. It isn't idiot commentators who try to make mountains out of molehills and only care about the ratings. It isn't zebras who throw the flag at the slightest provocation (You dare to be happy after a touchdown? 15 yards!).

It isn't even the BCS (saving that one for later this season).

No, it is the NCAA.

The NCAA is actively doing what it can to hurt college football, all under the guise of helping. Let's discuss this on the basis of a couple cases.

1. USC and Reggie Bush

Now, yes, I am far from unbiased. But, I'm going to approach this as calmly and rationally as I can.

So, Reggie Bush took money and benefits while a student-athlete at USC. This is a clear violation of the rules.

So, naturally, we should punish the current coaches and players. Since they are the ones who dared to be there while this stuff was happening years ago, right? I mean, Matt Barkley definitely knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that a player who was there while he was in junior high and high school was doing something unbecoming of a student athlete! It only makes sense to ban him for two years from the postseason (as well as every other player on the team). And hey, why the hell not? Let's take away scholarships so that some kids can't go to college and better their lives (A reduction of scholarships at ANY school has a domino effect). All because something that happened long ago was bad.

2. Jeremiah Masoli and AJ Green, with a side of Dez Bryant

Ahhhhhhhhh, Jeremiah Masoli. Now, here is a good, upstanding citizen. He deserves to have a continued career in college and then the NFL. All he did was rob some people and run from the police! Boys will be boys.

AJ Green, on the other hand, is pure scum. How dare he sell a jersey of his! That rat bastard! The only people who deserve to make money off of AJ Green's hard work are the University of Georgia and the NCAA!

Dez Bryant? Dinner at the same location as an agent?! What a jerk! How could he even think that this is remotely ok?

Clearly, in the eyes of the NCAA, it is much better to ROB AND FLEE FROM JUSTICE than it is for an agent to (potentially) buy you a hamburger, or to make a couple extra bucks selling something that only has worth because of you.

I could go on like this, but I'm getting hungry, so I'll be wrapping it up. The NCAA is actively doing the wrong thing. It is harming players, coaches, and teams that are merely bystanders (Hey idiots! MAKE BUSH PAY THE MONEY BACK!) to circumstances beyond their control. And they are doing it with a smile on their face, all the while assuring us that it is "for the best."

Should we pay college athletes? That is a debate for another day (but yes, they should). Should we punish athletes for preparing for their future while in college (imagine if they told you that you or your child couldn't talk to an adviser at any point during their collegiate career)?

It doesn't take a lot to see where I stand on these topics.

What about you?

We finally made it! NCAA Week 1 news and notes

We are finally here, sportsfans. We made it through the darkness of the offseason, which saw multiple NCAA sanctions handed down to various programs (more on that later), the most awesome Fulmer Cup in recent memory (Congrats Georgia!), and a conference apocalypse tease that ended up seeing nothing like what we all wanted happening. But, you've all already read about that, so let's just get to the games!

-Idaho opened the season at home for the first time in years, and absolutely slaughtered North Dakota 45-0 (which was the same score the last time the two met). There were a couple issues, namely the O-Line needing to stop being made out of wet tissue paper and getting called multiple times for encroachment (which is, in fact, the dumbest penalty that you can commit). Of course, since next week sees the Vandals at Nebraska, who knows what this could mean for the season. Personally, I'm just hoping for no injuries.

-USC and Hawaii was pretty interesting. We all know that going to the island tends to mess with teams a bit. But messing with you to the point where a WAC team puts up 600 yards on you? Yeeeeeesh. That should be "fun" for USC in conference play.

-Arizona killed Toledo Friday night. This isn't notable, except for one little thing. Last year, Toledo beat Colorado handily. And somehow, Dan Hawkins is still employed by CU.

-Speaking of CU, the annual game against Colorado State was Saturday. Nothing of note, except this little tidbit. Before it was announced that Cody Hawkins would not be starting for CU, the spread was in CSU's favor by 14 points. After that announcement? It swung the other way. Interesting how when Hawkins didn't start his son, people suddenly viewed his team as legitimately decent.

-Penn State started a true freshman at quarterback, which lead to a shakey first half. Honestly, it looked like Youngstown State might pull off the upset. And then suddenly, with a couple minutes left in the 2nd, PSU found their groove. Will they be able to survive the rest of the season, including a trip to Alabama next Saturday? Who knows. But their chances are definitely looking a little bit better after that second half.

-I'm not going to cover the variety of blowouts by OSU, Florida State, Miami, Bama et al. Individually at least. I will address their scheduling in a rant in a bit.

- TCU status: Still really good.

-Fresno State beat Cincy pretty easily. Cincy, who had an 18 game regular season winning streak. Seriously, the Big East is a BCS conference, why?

On Schedules and Week One

So, with most of week one behind us, we have seen the two different styles of scheduling that are most prominent in FBS football. There is the cupcake game, like Idaho having UND come visit (holy crap does it feel good to say that). Then, there is the marquee game, like Oregon State-TCU. Both have advantages and disadvantages.

Advantages of a cupcake game:
-Time to work out any kinks that may appear in a relatively safe environment.
-Mental boost from starting the season with a W, which can be quite powerful.

Disadvantages of a cupcake game:
-If you lose you are screwed in perception for the rest of the season, no matter how things actually turn out. For example, do you remember what happened to Michigan the year Appalachian State beat them at home in the season opener? Most people’s answer: They went 3-9. Actual answer: They beat the University of Florida Fightin Tebow’s in the Sun Bowl. So, not the best thing, but not nearly as bad as what people think.
-The mental block of knowing that a team you should have manhandled beat you. Only time will tell how Kansas and Ole Miss will recover from their losses to FCS teams.

Advantages of a marquee game:
-Exposure. This goes even more for neutral location games. You can’t tell me that Oregon State didn’t impress some Texas recruits, even if they lost.
-Money. Does this really need to be elaborated on?

Disadvantages of a Marquee game:
-Loss of positive perception if you are one of the later day games. Read some football forums right now. People hate both VT and BSU, purely because they have been having them shoved down their throats every five minutes. Granted, this is a pretty minor problem, since it self-corrects within 6 days.
-Hope your team is ready for the season from day one, because you have absolutely no time to work out any problems during the game. This can be a very bad situation, especially if you are/were a potential NC contender.
So, there are convincing reasons for both scheduling types, and really, there is no right answer for any individual team. Personally, I love the couple of great games we get each year to balance out the POWERHOUSE VERSUS EAST ASSHOLE MISSOURI. Of course, it is a lot more fun when EAM beats the powerhouse…

Anyway, that’s all for this week. Look forward to next week, when the most amazing day of football in recent memory happens. PS: Don’t call me, I’m not answering from 10 AM-11 PM.

I would hate to be Brian Murphy's child

The Location: The Home of Brian Murphy, Sports"writer" for the Idaho Statesman.

The Time: Christmas Eve

Son: Merry Christmas, Papa!

BM: Why is it so merry?

Son: Papa? What's wrong? Why do you look like a broken husk of a man?

BM: Well, I wrote a wretched article a few months ago.

Son: Well Papa, I would think you would be used to that by now! What was so bad about this one?

BM: You see, back during round 2 of the college football conference apocalypse, I talked about the University of Idaho, and I said some pretty stupid things.

Son: Like what Papa?

BM: Well, I started ripping into their AD and the President of the University for showing optimism. They were trying to make the most of an admittedly crappy situation, and I compared them to all sorts of things. I also managed to find it in my "talent" to make fun of elementary students and their accomplishments. Basically, I wrote like a world class jackass.

Son: Oh, I see... Well, at least Santa is coming tonight!

BM: Santa isn't real, idiot. Stop trying to be happy!

Alright, I think I've made my point here. But, in the style of Brain Murphy, let me belabor it a bit more.

Murphy wrote a terrible article. I'm not going to link to it here, since that would require going to the Idaho Statesman website and I accidentally already did that earlier today. Where I read the comments on this article. Which included a U of I fan saying "Good luck to the Broncos in the MWC" and being ripped apart by the next three posters. But I digress.

Anyway, the point of the article was essentially what my delightful little one-man play above was about (coming to theaters this Winter, starring a hobo on the street corner). Murphy was tearing apart Idaho and the administration for trying to put a happy face on a terrible situation. He also found it within his large self (I am assuming, from the headshot that appears next to his articles, that he is a big fat dude) to mock elementary students.

This is the part that really pisses me off, and I am going to focus on for the rest of this update. Because frankly, the rest of the article isn't worth my (or your) time. He said that "winning a championship in the new WAC is like winning the fifth grade three-legged race. Here's your ribbon. What next?"

Clearly, Mr. Murphy, you have never been around children. Stuff like that? It IS a big deal to them. You have never seen a child's face light up when they accomplish the achievements that must seem minor to such a distinguished athlete such as yourself.

Last Spring, I had the fortune to attend a couple of track meets. At one of them, a student did something amazing. He managed to finish third in his race (and before you and your hatred of good try to ruin this, there were more than three students racing). He had never even come close to the top previously. And he clutched that ribbon like it was his most prized possession. So what if it wasn't the almighty Fiesta Bowl trophy? To him it was as good as.

Mr. Murphy (and I'm forcing myself to use Mr. here, as there are several other things I would rather call you, but I promised my mother I would cut back on the potty mouth this season), go ahead and mock the University of Idaho. Go ahead and expose yourself for the ignorant, character-less ass that you are. Hell, go ahead and make fun of me in an article, since that seems to be what you and your audience lap up, and we all know that making it big as a writer in Boise is one step away from Pulitzers. I'm not a violent person by nature, although I might beat you at Street Fighter.

But if you ever, and I do mean EVER mock elementary students again for their accomplishments, well... I'm willing to give violence a chance.

Nasty and Inebriated

Well, I'm back. After an offseason that saw me swear to never update again, due to a real life event depicting the power of the internet in the hands of batshit insane people, I have decided to break my silence. On what, you are probably (not) asking yourself?

Why, none other than the comments made by Boise State President Bob Kustra regarding the University of Idaho!

Well, to start with, I'm not going to type them out here. You can easily find them, as outside of Oregon losing their entire starting lineup for the next three years due to criminal activity, it has been a slow offseason. Suffice to say, the title of this entry made an appearance in his comments, in regards to the University of Idaho fanbase.

Hey, Whiny Bob! Guess what? To make things easy for you, I am going to make a list of all the rivalries in the history of college football that have seen fans be "mean and nasty" to their opponents.

Oh, I'm not actually going to make that list. You want to know why, faithful reader? I'll let you in on a little secret that Crybobby doesn't want you to know....

Literally EVERY SINGLE RIVALRY EVER has fans like that.

Yes, it's true. Despite What About Bob's insistence that the nationwide rivalries (side note: read his comments again, I'll wait. Focus on what rivalries he talks about, and figure out why it is so funny that he said nationwide. Give up? Theyre all Big-12) he has seen are nothing like this, I promise you that any fan of any team ever will agree that that is how rivalries work.

Now, it isn't all bad. Every single Boise State alumni/student/professor that I have had contact with since Kryin' Kustra's remarks were made public has disagreed with him overwhelmingly. This includes his quarterback Horseface Moore saying on the local news that he thinks it should continue.

Of course, Whiny McWhinesalot's biggest gripe was that U of I fans mock BSU's academics. This is interesting to me. Because, during my graduation from BSU (that's right angryfootballfans, I actually graduated from that school), the Petulant President himself gave a speech. Now, usually at college graduations, when the head honcho talks, they focus on academics.

Rude Robert, however, mentioned academics a whopping 0 times. This is because he had to fit in his 4 references to the football team and the Fiesta Bowl. I mean, this does make sense, because the total number of football players (recognizable ones, anyway) that were graduating was far larger than the numbers of non football players. Assuming, of course, that the one player graduating was literally the only graduate. But I have a sheet of paper not two feet from me that proves otherwise. And some of you might think "Well, there is no way he actually counted those references," my response to you is that you don't know me very well.

Hey Kustra (and you can tell I'm serious because I'm using your real name here), I'm going to offer some free advice. When you yourself are basically disregarding academics, it looks absurd when you whine about someone else making fun of them. Maybe next time you could talk about something besides football. But then, I guess that would require your school to give money to something besides football, and we all know that isn't happening.

I could go on for hours (and I have with several people in real life), but instead, I'm just going to make a quick point here, since I'm running out of clever nicknames for President Tears.

The hypocrisy inherent in bitching for years about "All these schools aren't scheduling us because they say they have nothing to gain" and then turning around and refusing to play your in-state rival like a three year old not wanting to take a nap is hilarious.

Of course, I guess I shouldn't complain too much, since Kustra throwing away what goodwill people felt towards BSU (and if you don't believe this, you haven't read any o the myriad espn/SI articles about this) makes my job a whole lot more entertaining.

Anyway, that's all I'm going to say on this matter. Soon, I will have a season preview up, complete with some conference and bowl game predictions! Look forward to it, angryfootballfans!

Like the article? Hate the article? Feel free to e-mail me at angryfootballnerd@gmail.com where I will ignore your comments for months at a time!

BCS- Bull Champion Shit News and Notes

Hello sports fans, and welcome to yet another edition of my news and notes. Let me start with some bad news. The photo journal promised last week will not go up until next week sometime, as real life concerns have taken most of my time this week. But, on to the good news! You still get a healthy dose of the content you have come to know and love from me, the AngryFootballNerd! This edition sees an anti-BCS rant, as well as predictions for the BCS bowls, and a select other bowl game (like it isn't the Humanitarian Bowl...). So, without wasting any more of your valuable time, here we go!

-So, the SEC championship game. How awesome was it when Tim Tebow was in tears at the end of the game? SO AWESOME. Also, kudos to Nick Saban for being a much better person than his counterpart for Florida would have been were he up that much with the ball at the end of the game. Of course Dickweed Meyer would have kept going, because he is a tool. Anyway, thank you, Florida, for showing us that this emperor was, in fact, wholly without clothes. Gee, guess it turns out that the SEC East wasn't all that strong, if Florida's level of play against the only decent opponent all season is any indication...

-So, Texas should have lost to Nebraska. I'm just saying, when you are totally outplayed like that, you deserve to lose. I give credit for their win to the timekeeper, who, if it were literally ANY other game this entire season (except involving a potential Florida loss) would have let that last second expire and let it stand during review. But come one, we can't have even a chance that the BCS could actually pit the two best teams against each other in the Championship! TCU vs. Alabama would be a most exciting game. Alabama vs. Texas... well, just wait until my predictions.

-Regarding the BCS bowl selection: Hey douchebags, way to give undefeated TCU a shot against a team they beat last year when they look like they could beat literally any college team this year (as well as the Raiders and Cheifs). You know an organization is fucked up when all it can do to try to save face is run a twitter (@InsidetheBCS, follow it for a laugh) that updates up to three times every two weeks with pro-BCS articles (ones that usually show absolute worst case scenarios of playoffs, none of which compares to a single season's issues with the BCS).

Here is a list of sports that use a play-off to determine their champion:

EVERY SINGLE FUCKING SPORT IN THE WORLD EXCEPT COLLEGE FOOTBALL

Let me cut this short before my blood pressure sets a new world record. The BCS system this year has promised us AT LEAST TWO UNDEFEATED TEAMS AT THE END OF THE SEASON, with the possibility for three if Cincy beats Florida. How is that, in any way, acceptable?

Anyway, here are my predictions for the BCS games in no particular order:

Sugar Bowl: On one hand, a coach headed to Notre Dame. On the other hand, a team that has had its legacy so vastly overinflated you could easily power the entire planet with the air force generated from people talking about Tebow (who, by the way, if he wins the Heisman this weekend has single-handedly made that award pointless). Both teams have alternated between looking really good and looking poor, with the only difference being that the games Cincinnati has looked poor in have been against better competition than the Gators. 31-17 Bearcats, but could easily be Gators

Orange Bowl: First off, raise your hand if you give a shit about this game.


Wait, what are all these crickets doing in here? Shoo, shoo!

Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh yeah

Rose Bowl: Oregon is a damn good team that likes to score early and often. Ohio State was beaten by the sixth place Pac-10 team at home. 70-14 (the two OSU touchdowns in the last five minutes, with TRESSELBALL demanding no attempts at two point conversions or other such flashy nonsense) Oregon.

Fiesta Bowl: Two undefeated mid-majors. One of whom has looked incredibly impressive against everybody, another who has looked incredibly impressive against bottom 10 teams but has the benefit of being the absolute luckiest fucking team in the world. I predict a final score of 34-21, but I refuse to predict a winner. Also, my sympathies to TCU, who in a year when they have a legitimate claim to playing in the title game, are playing a team they beat last year. Smaller sympathies to BSU, who I was really looking forward to seeing poop themselves against a magical Iowa team (come on, anybody who watched Iowa this season will tell you that them being down by 28 points in the first half is absolutely not a problem).

Humanitarian Bowl: This game should be incredibly high scoring. Like, over 100 total points I think. Anyway, much to the sorrow of the chucklefuck on Caves and Prater who said he would "rather the Taliban win in Afghanistan than Idaho win a bowl game*," infinity-infinity plus 2 Idaho

National Championship: Other than the heart attack that Mack Brown has when Alabama literally kills them, this will be a fairly boring game. I also look forward to him stammering something about beating Oklahoma. 41-3 ROLL TIDE

Anyway, the photo-journal of my trip to the USC-Arizona game should be up next week, along with some "classic" reposts, including the much fabled drinking game. Also, the special "Dumbest Moments of the Season" should run sometime during bowl season, depending on when the new AngryFootballHeadquarters gets internet access. Until then, enjoy the cold as balls weather!



*You know, I hate Boise State. But I certainly don't hate it on the level of wishing that thousands of people would fucking die instead of them winning a game.

The BCS killed my family! NCAA Week Most meaningful games are done Notes

Hello sports fans, and welcome to another edition of my NCAA news and notes. Not a ton to talk about this week, although I do have an inside report from a BSU game! So, without wasting time, let's get this started!

-USC crushed UCLA, 28-7. It could have been 21-7, but when USC knelled with 53 seconds left, Neuheisel decided to call a timeout. You know, because scoring two touchdowns in less than a minute has been UCLA's strong point this season apparently. Well, he learned that if you are going to play like that, USC will play right back, with Matt Barkley throwing a TD on the next play. Way to go Neuheisel!

-Alabama should have lost to Auburn. There, I said it. They played like ass, and needed a lengthy drive (not THE DRIVE as CBS announcers kept calling it) to come from behind to beat an unranked team at home. Seriously, if the NCG is a rematch of Florida-Alabama, I am going to kill someone. And that's without having seen the SECCG, which is this Saturday. Pray for rain people. A rain of meteors, all over that game.

-TCU could beat any team in the nation. They could. Your favorite team, or mine, or anyone's may give them a game. They may even lead for a bit. And then TCU will come back and you will lose. That's just the way it is.

-OK, obviously I'm not saying that it is impossible for them to lose. Any team can lose. However, I think that it is as close to impossible as it could be for TCU to get beaten by more than 3. This team is good, and to deny that is absurd to the point of being comical.

So, I went to the BSU-Nevada game last Friday. Here are some highlights:
-BSU fans booing the handshake between captains, Nevada time outs, false starts, and basically every single thing that wasn't a BSU touchdown.
-A guy putting a padlock on a portapottie after I took a leak in it, telling me to never come back again. Talk about cutting off your nose to spite your face...
-Four BSU students, standing in the Nevada fans section, taunting the Nevada cheerleaders (not the male cheerleaders), fans, and parents, and basically confirming every single stereotype about bad fans that is possible. Honestly, at a football game, I have a pretty high tolerance for bullshit. I get the emotions and all that; it is an important part of the game. But these guys were just morons. I don't mind taunting, but at least taunt the other team (ie: the people that matter). If you're taunting the cheerleaders, stay in your own fucking section. At least there, people might buy into your macho bullshit penis compensation act.

Speaking of BSU, there has been an awesome trend here on the campus. A couple, actually. The first is that the ASBSU representatives only send out e-mails regarding football games, not about things like, say, open meetings to discuss tuition costs. Awesome, awesome trend.

The other trend, one that I find hilarious, is to complain about the BCS as if it is some sort of multinational entity dedicated solely to fucking BSU as hard as possible. The entire student newspaper (except for the article talking about how any democrat is an evil person, which is also pretty standard) is devoted to the BCS.

The Student Council signed an Anti-BCS bill (I'm sure that's effective), saying that they don't like it.

One columnist pretended that Coach Petersen was Mack Brown of Texas, bitching at the BCS not including them this year (when, last I checked, they were almost certain to get a BCS bid).

You know what the best way, BSU, to get rid of the BCS would be? Here, I'm going to write it out for you:

1. Start playing good teams. Don't give me that "nobody will play us" bullshit, as no other team in the nation seems to have that problem. Utah busted the BCS first and better, and they don't seem to have that issue. So stop playing the "poor widdle us" card, be willing to take less then cupcake money (because, if you're as good as you claim, then it shouldn't matter), and travel to some good football schools. And if you manage to beat them, great! Now get out there and play the rest of your schedule instead of talking every week about the one game you did play.
2. Stop playing the media game. For every one person impressed by the WAC hiring media consultants for you, there are two hundred who think that's a lameass move. Let your playing on the field do the talking, even if that means telling Benson to shut the hell up (please do that one anyway, as he is helping exactly one person with his constant campaigning, and that person's name is Karl Benson).
2a. This includes having players and coaches complain in public. Petersen lost what respect I (and many others) had for him, when after beating La Tech by ten said "We'll probably drop 6 or 7 in the rankings for this." A) You were favored by 21, and B) Awfully hard to rise when the teams in front of you play better opposition and win.
3. Ban the local media from commenting on it. When BCS people hear that everyone here hates them, and they are under no obligation to take BSU, no matter how undefeated they are, it doesn't take a genius to figure out that they probably aren't going to take a team from a market that is vehemently opposed to them. This one is a weaksauce decision on the BCS's part, but nobody ever said they make sense.
4. When another team from your conference (or any non-BCS conference) makes it to a big game, cheer for them. Going all anti-Hawaii two years ago and anti-Utah last year didn't help anyone, and just proved to the BCS idiots that there is not enough of a consensus for them to worry about.

There you have it.

Next week's update will be my yearly trip to a USC game, so look forward to it!

A Thanksgiving Day Update

So, in the vein of this most glorious of holidays, I thought I would make today's update a list of things I am thankful for.

-First off, I am thankful for local Boise band Nude Oil. If you haven't checked these guys out, you need to (they have both Facebook and mySpace pages, so no excuses). They rock, and were awesome enough last night to plug the blog during their setlist at a Battle of the Bands, so I am returning the favor. But yeah, these guys rock.

-I am thankful for the constant hubris of Boise State Athletic Director Gene "Business Sense" Bleymeier, that leads to them wanting to be paid cupcake school money to play a big boy school, and then bitching when schools turn them down. What a marvelous way to get out of playing games against good opponents, while still getting to play the "poor widdle us" card. Not to mention depriving the nation of what would more than likely be a great game of football. Is there anybody out there who wouldn't love to see, say... BSU vs. Oklahoma rematch? I'm salivating at the mere thought of it. Side note: after the 2006 season, the Oklahoma AD went on a local radio show saying that a mid-major school, ONE THAT OU HAD REASON TO WANT TO PLAY, turned down a home and home with them. Bravo, Bleymeier, for valuing your whiny beyotch attitude more than a great fucking game of football.

-I am equally thankful for the outside of Bronco Stadium, featuring a picture of Chris Petersen holding up the Fiesta Bowl trophy underneath the word "Tradition." 1-5 in bowl does not a tradition make.

-I am thankful that Idaho, a team that was supposed to go 1-11 (sorry San Diego State, you are apparently the worst team in the nation!), is 7-4 right now with one game left (plus a bowl game). I'll take 8-4, 8-5, 7-5, or 7-6 right now. Any finish above .500 is amazing, considering what Robb Akey has had to work with.

-I am thankful that nobody likes Florida. Seriously, it gives me a warm fuzzy feeling to know that outside of CBS announce teams, everybody in the nation is cheering for the Gators to lose.

-Related, I am NOT thankful that Urban Meyer cried when talking about Tebow being gone after this season. At this point, would anybody be surprised in the least if it came out that the two of them had a sexual relationship? I mean it not as an insult, just as a statement of how blindingly obvious it is that these two are dating.

-I am thankful that Jimmy Clausen got punched in the face. Also, sources at ND (several students) have come out saying that the official story (Clausen went back into a restaurant to get his girlfriend's purse, got sucker-punched) is, oddly enough, bullshit. According to several eyewitnesses, Clausen was drunk and mouthy, and took exception to a sarcastic "Nice game" from someone leaving the bar that they were at. When he went up to the guy and started getting in his face, he got deservedly decked. Thereby making that man my 2009 College Football Season Hero.

-Finally, I am thankful that even in a down year, USC is still a better team than the Big Ten champion. And again, people think the PAC-10 is weak why exactly?

Ohio State Loses Rose Bowl, Winner To Be Decided Later

Hello football fans, and welcome to another exciting edition of AngryFootballNerd. Somewhat of a brief update this week, as I'm busy working on something to run before bowl season. A little project I'm calling "The Dumbest Moments This Season." Before you groan, let me tell you that in my humble but accurate opinion, this shit is funny. Anyway, here's this weeks round-up of games.

-So, Stanford devastated USC. This was a surprise to the people who made the 34.5 point spread in USC's favor, and almost nobody else. A surging Stanford team against a USC team that could only win the Big 10 this year (ZING!)? Not exactly the hardest game to call.

-Of course, don't tell that to SEC fans. See, USC losing isn't because Stanford is a good team. No, it is actually a function of USC being "terrible" and all the rest of the PAC-10 being a "pathetic conference that couldn't hold a candle to any team in the SEC." This is why the South is an intellectual wasteland, people.

-So, here comes some brief coverage of the U of I-BSU game, which I am mostly using a segue into my next segment. BSU won, again, to the surprise of nobody. Just a couple of things on that: 1) If you are giving up 578 yards to Idaho, you could be royally... what is the word I'm looking for..... oh yes, royally fucked when playing Nevada; 2) That was totally a block in the back on the kick-off return TD, but it's not like getting that call right would have changed the outcome; 3) Again, while the final outcome probably wouldn't have been any different, if Enderle had been at QB, chances are the turnover count would not have been at 7 for Idaho.

-Alright, on to the fun! So, the reason that I talked about that game was to talk about Tim Woodward's "article" about tailgating and who has "better" fans (better in this case meaning not giving shit to the other team). This was spurred after the basketball game between the two up in Moscow last year, where U of I students *GASP* yelled mean things to BSU players and flipped the Bird, which is by far the most offensive thing that you can possibly do to an opponent (not saying it was right, just that things don't need to be blown out of proportion). So, his brilliant solution was to go to a U of I tailgate, wearing U of I things, and see how he would be treated. Ignoring the fact that if you are in a tailgate, you are fairly safe (strength in numbers, that whole thing), let me just boil the article down for you: "So, when it comes down to it, both teams have drunk, obnoxious fans. But I'm going to ignore the Boise State ones, because that would make my article pointless (AFN Note: As if it wasn't already?). U of I fans are doo-doo heads, and my wife saw one of them wear an insulting shirt. All the BSU fans I saw were exemplars of class. Why, I even saw one heal the broken leg of a poor Vandal, only to be rewarded with bile spit from the heathens stomach at him." Ok, I may have taken a few creative liberties with that, as everyone knows it is impossible to heal a broken leg. But the gist of the article is there.

I'm going to share a little story here. While I've never been a BSU fan, it has only been recently that I have become so vehemently against them. Here, I am going to tell you why.

During the 2006 season, BSU came up to Moscow to play. This was a good game (26-28 with 5 minutes left, so anytime after the game my BSU friends would tell me that they never doubted the outcome, I was able to accurately point out they were full of shit), that has the distinction of being marred by one horrid incident.

You see, before the game, I was chatting with a friend of mine that had recently graduated. She was in town for the game, and we were having a wonderful conversation about our lives in the time that we hadn't seen each other.

And then, a BSU fan approached us. And let loose with this little gem:

"Hey bitch, after the game, I'm going to rape you, just like the Broncos will rape your shitty team!"

So, any time a BSU fan tries to talk to me about class, you'll forgive me if it falls on deaf ears.

-Since I can't end on a downer like that... This week's title was inspired by Ohio State beating Iowa to secure a trip to the Rose Bowl. Their competitor has yet to be decided, as the PAthetiC-10 champion is not yet decided.

Anyway, tune in next week, as I will have a report on a weekend of games of very little importance, save for a few PAC-10 conference games.

An Emergency Blog Update!

NEWSFLASH!

According to some dumbass Boise State blogger, Boise State (along with Nevada and Fresno State, but they don't count) has been invited to join the Mountain West!

His evidence for stating this?

Because BSU has calmed down about trying to join it, that must mean that the conference has secretly invited them to join!

But it goes deeper than that!

You see, the United States Congress has secretly forced the BCS to accept the new MWC.

And all of this happened without us knowing. Just think of how amazing this is.

1. BSU, UNR, and FS have joined the MWC.
2. The MWC has joined the BCS.
3. The United States Congress forced this to happen.
4. This all happened without a single person in America knowing about it!


Sometime soon, I hope you will sit down and realize that, even if you disagree with me, I am at least a sane person.

NCAA News and Notes Update: The Notre Dame lost to Navy edition

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Here is another awesome update from me, the one and only AngryFootballNerd! Have some fun stuff this week, and even a visit from a “celebrity” (boy am I stretching the definition of the word, as you will see when I reveal who it is). Also, a bit of talk about BSU’s scheduling woes, and of course, some of the usual hatred that you have come to expect. So, without wasting time, let’s get this started.

(PS: While reading, why not grab a delicious Natural Light beer, the official beverage of the AngryFootballNerd, ever since I realized that I hate PBR)

Oregon v. Stanford

Oh come on, who didn’t see this coming? I mean really, of course Oregon was going to drop this game. They just had the biggest win in recent history, anybody with half a brain will tell you that that is a recipe for dropping your next game. Anyway, the Ducks are still in position to win the PAC-10, provided they get past Arizona and Oregon State, which is definitely not a sure bet.

Iowa isn’t Legit

Not even a little bit, as it turns out. Let’s all give a big hand to Northwestern for sparing us the horrors of a Big-10 team in the BCSNC getting devastated.

Notre Dame is terrible

Ok, after the second loss in 3 years to Navy (both of them at home, in sight of Touchdown Jesus), why in the hell is Big Fat Charlie still a head coach? Seriously, Ty Willingham had better records than BFC has had, and they tossed his ass out for unacceptable levels of losing.

Oh, right. Willingham was black. Welp, mystery solved!

Seriously, at this point, looking at their records, and the chain of events surrounding the two coaches…. I don’t like to cry racism every time a minority loses their job, but in this case, I can’t help but wonder.

BSU Can’t Schedule a Game

Alright, I discussed this last week, but I think that some recent things coming to light necessitate me talking about it some more. No, not the fact that the school is selling stock in the Athletic department programs (code for “Give us money for the football team”, seriously, read the article about it).

So, BSU is looking for a game in 2011 to fill in the 13^th game given by playing at Hawaii (a stupid rule in general, but that’s an argument for a different day). SO far, they have contacted several major universities, including ones apparently looking for a game. They will play at the other school, and won’t request a home-and-home. Pretty sweet deal, right? So, you have to wonder what all this will cost the other school.

Well, sources on espn.com are currently reporting that the asking price for BSU is around the one million dollar mark. I’m going to pause and let that sink in for a second.

Shitty schools don’t get paid that much to come get trounced (usually, about 500k-800k is the norm). Why in the hell would a program like Florida, or Texas, or Alabama, or USC pay that much money to BSU for a situation that is of almost zero benefit to them?

Let’s break down why, exactly, a major team will more than likely NOT take BSU on their 2011 schedule. Also, this is a good place to stop a differentiate from a major team, and a team that is in a major conference. List of Major Teams: USC, Texas, Oklahoma (yes, I know), Florida, Alabama, LSU, Ohio State, Penn State. These are the teams that everyone is assuming that BSU is talking to. This is different from teams in major conferences, such as Tennessee (whose head coach Lane Kiffin was the inspiration for this segment). Anyway, keep that in mind as you read this next part, explaining why it is a lose/lose situation for a team to schedule them for 2011.

-Beat them? “Great, you beat a team from the WAC.” Now, before you rub together those two brain cells and start writing me an incoherent hate mail, let me truthify you. THIS IS GOING TO BE THE PERCEPTION OF ALMOST 95% OF THE PEOPLE WHO MATTER IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL, NO MATTER HOW HIGHLY RANKED BSU IS. Fair or not (I think it is somewhat fair, but that’s because I think the entire ranking system is a crock of shit), that will be the perception.

-Get beat by them? “You just lost to a mid-major from the WAC.” See above for why this sucks for them.

-Then, there is this issue that Lane Kiffin brought up when he was discussing this (meaning yes, it is almost certain that BSU contacted the Vols for a game). Idaho (the state) is not a hotbed of recruitable football players. Yes, BSU has a few local boys, but the vast majority of talent at both FBS schools in the state comes from out of state. So playing a game against BSU doesn’t really help their recruiting all that much, especially when compared to say, the UCLA-Tenn. series of the past two seasons.

-One big point that I have been a proponent of people knowing but seems to get glossed over: Schedules are usually decided years in advance, ESPECIALLY marquee OOC games. BSU would have much better luck trying for the 2013 extra game than the 2011 one.

Anyway, it’s a mostly boring issue that people here seem to be flipping out about, with full on rhetoric about “they’re afraid of us” and my personal favorite “they don’t want to play on the BLUE” (think about it for a second).

Oh, and the best thing BSU could do to help make this game happen? Ask for less money.

Special Visitor!

Well ladies and gentlemen, last week I was asleep in bed, when I had a visitor in my dreams. I’ll let you read this 100% accurate transcript of what happened.

AFN: Wha? Where did the girls from House go?

??: AFN, this is your Lord and Master.

AFN: John Elway? You usually don’t appear in my dreams until after the sexy girls. Then we win the Super Bowl and World Series together in the same year.

??: No, it is me. Jesus Christ.

AFN: Oh. Hey, ‘sup?

JC: Nothing much, my son. I wished to discuss your blog with you.

AFN: This… doesn’t end well for me, does it?

JC: Actually, we find it quite humorous. St. Peter loves a good fart joke.

AFN: Oh, sweet.

JC: However, I would like to talk to you about how hard you are on Boise State. Don’t you think that, maybe, they have earned a break from your razor-sharp wit?

AFN: Well, maybe…

JC: I mean, they did win the Fiesta Bowl three seasons ago.

AFN: Yeah, but it’s a “What have you done for me lately” league, and a 1-5 record in bowl games isn’t the most impressive, even if the win was a BCS bowl.

JC: But they were the only undefeated team at the end of that season!

AFN: But at what point does going undefeated through a bad conference become so impressive? If USC, or Texas, or any number of current BCS schools plays that schedule, they go undefeated year in year out.

JC: Be that as it may, in my mind they were the national champs that year.

(Note: At this point, I awoke)

AFN:……. Wait a second…. National championship for BSU…… Talk about undefeated in the WAC being somehow impressive…. YOU AREN’T JESUS CHRIST AT ALL! You’re former Boise State quarterback Jared Zabransky, aren’t you?!

(Imagine my surprise to see him standing beside my bed)

FBSUQBJZ:…. Yeah, it’s me.

AFN: Hey, how’s that top five quarterback draft pick treating you?

FBSUQBJZ: Fuck you…. You have twenty bucks I can borrow?

AFN:…. Get out of my house.

And there you have our special “celebrity” “guest.” But don’t worry AngryFootballFollowers, I’ve since changed the locks on the doors to make sure that this never happens again.

(Please note: If the bit previous to this disclaimer offended you, I’m sorry. SORRY YOU’RE SUCH A WEENIE!)

Angry’s Heisman Ballot, this week

1. Case Keenum, Houston QB

2. A Boy named Suh, Nebraska

3. NOBODY ELSE IN THE COUNTRY IS EVEN CLOSE TO DESERVING IT THIS YEAR, GOD HELP YOU ALL IF IT GOES TO TIM TEBOW

Welp, that’s all for this week. Be back next week, when I talk about the BSU-Idaho game, and no matter what happens, turn it into something that will make some of you happy, and others of you merely smugly condescending (until you realize the joke is on you).